


Finding the Words

by iamtinabug



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Eventual Sex, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, My First Fanfic, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Romance, Romantic Fluff, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25001545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtinabug/pseuds/iamtinabug
Summary: A doctor working deep inside the Walls, you are recruited to join the Survey Corps to join their expeditions. Your intelligence, perception, and abilities make you a standout recruit. Through training with the soldiers and treatment of a certain unapproachable man, an unlikely relationship begins to blossom.
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) & You, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Reader
Comments: 195
Kudos: 734
Collections: Attack on Titan





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Thanks for clicking on my first piece.I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing! More chapters to come shortly. I am a huge fan of slow-build romances, so hopefully it will be a reflection of that. I loosely follow the anime plotline, but change things up as I please.
> 
> It is my very first piece, so there is some potential to be edited as story progresses. I welcome messages, comments, feedback, and friends!

"We need better medics. We bring people back and they still don't make it. Ours are young and learn by experience. We would benefit from properly trained professionals."

"On that note, would it be possible to bring some out on expeditions?" 

"They would be liabilities, if anything"

"What if we trained them?"

One meeting, a suggestion was made regarding the medical care of the Survey Corps. Levi was half-listening, the tactical portion of the meeting completed. 

"I'll send a recruitment notice to the urban hospitals." Erwin decided. On that note, the meeting was over. 

When the order came down from the Commander to select a group of medics for a future expedition, you were on the top of the list for the Medical Sector Director. He put together a group of physicians, nurses, and junior medics. You were one of the more seasoned physicians, having helped since you were 12 and working here since you were 17. You were intelligent, perceptive, and physically fit. She was sure you would do them proud.

\----

The morning of the first training session including medics, Levi stood at the front of the group of cadets. He spotted the medics huddled in the back, watching the cadets warm up. He sighed internally. The goal was to get them trained in the basics of ODM gear so that they would be able to at least avoid attacks on their own if need be. Levi was certain they would not be ready for the next expedition in three months - they would need to aim for the one after. He watched as Eren went over to introduce himself and teach the group warm-up exercises. The medics eventually joined the cadets, slowly copying the movements. He sighed again.

\-----

You were quite nervous when you received the offer to join the Survey Corps medic group. You and your close colleague, Gino, discussed it at length, and decided to accept together. Gino had already been getting restless, questioning his purpose as a physician in the city. You had your own reasons. You had to see what you could do in this world, for yourself as well as for those you loved.

Once at Survey Corps Headquarters, you quickly acquainted yourself with Eren's group of cadets. Your ponytail bobbed as you conversed through that morning's exercises. Eren, Jean, Mikasa, Armin. They were an interesting mesh of personalities, and you decided you liked them so far. 

When you first saw _the_ Commander Erwin and _the_ Captain Levi at the initial training, you tugged on Gino's sleeve in excitement. Your friend rolled his eyes. The Commander was bigger than you expected, a solid, handsome wall of a man with blue eyes that were somehow warm as he shook your hands. Captain Levi, on the other hand, was not what you had expected. He was as intimidating as you had imagined, but you had no idea he would be _attractive_. His bored countenance held sparkling (you thought) silver eyes shielded by long eyelashes and mysterious (in your opinion) dark circles. His beautiful (you thought) pale face filled in by strong brows and a surprisingly dainty nose. His pretty (you thought) pink lips were held in a straight line through the entirety of the meeting. Yes, he was short, but no matter, you were shorter. Height had never been an issue for you, your preference putting more focus on build and frame - and Captain was not disappointing in that regard. However, this crush soon faded as you were run through painstaking training over the next few weeks, replaced with firm respect. He was amazing, truly humanity's hope in your eyes.

The training had been grueling, different from the exercises you had kept up in the city to keep healthy. Your first time on the ODM training machinery had been mediocre at best, but within days, you had improved drastically. It was kind of like skating, you realized - you're slipping all over the place at first like a newborn deer, but once it _clicks_ , you can't go back to how shaky you were before even if you tried. And it clicked for you early. Soon, you were chasing Eren through the trees, and having the somewhat intimidating Mikasa model maneuvers before coaching you through them. In the extra time of the evenings, you and Gino helped your junior medics practice.

\-----

As the weeks went by, Levi noticed only two out of the ten medics would be even close to meeting requirements for the next mission.

The first was a tall, black-haired man named Gino Hansen. Levi was rather impressed by him. Athletic, perceptive, and most of all, _quiet_. If he were a new cadet, Levi would probably have his eyes on him to recruit to his squad. With training, there was potential for Gino to become as proficient as a Special Ops Squad member.

The second was the shortest woman of that group, F/N. _Shorter than me_ , Levi noted with amusement. Levi had been fairly certain you would be one of the first to drop out, as soft as you looked. He had seen you make friends quickly, and had been unsurprised by your poor performance at the first ODM session. However, when he returned a week later, you had been flying overhead with the brats. He was, he hated to admit, proven wrong. Upon closer inspection, you were fairly fit for such a small person, and you excelled at problem solving. You also took time to teach the other hopeless medics, endlessly patient.

Somehow, you found the time to help out in the Corps medical ward as well. Classically trained, you shared your knowledge and skills with the younger medics. Levi saw you there one evening when he brought a bruised-up Jaeger to the infirmary. You greeted your friend and fretted over his bruises and scrapes. A faint blush crept up to Eren’s ears as you examined his swollen ankle. Given how worried you were, Levi saw no reason to show his face and clarify it was he who had inflicted them in training. Titan boy would heal quickly anyway, as you would see.

You were also not as spineless as he had first judged you to be. One dinner you and Gino had been seated with Eren's group next to his table, and he heard you roast the shit out of Jean who had been trying to hit on you. Their whole table, including Jean, burst into laughter at your good-natured jabs.

"Oi woman, let the boy live!" Mike had boisterously roared from the seat next to Levi, causing the next table to fall into another fit of laughter. You petted Jean on the head mockingly, a patronizing smile on your face. Levi didn't miss the small smile at Erwin's lips as he observed the spectacle. You could win an honest smile out of Erwin, no small feat indeed.

Levi quietly retired to his office. He would need to try to get some rest before the expedition tomorrow. Erwin was definitely brewing something up, putting the Titan brat with his squad.

\----

You and Gino walked the halls towards the Commander's office. The Survey Corps had just returned from an expedition, one the medics had not been ready to attend with yet. You had spent the evening looking after the injured. The extra hands of the new medics had been appreciated by the Survey Corps-appointed medics.

"What do you think this is about?" You frowned, nervous to meet the man. 

"Stop fretting, it's probably about the injuries from the mission. We're the most senior so we're the point-people." Gino reasoned. He gave you a reassuring pat on the back. 

This had been your dynamic all throughout your medical training. You met Gino when you were 15, starting your medical studies together. Gino was tall and rather good looking, which made him popular with girls. That made you avoid him at first. However, once you were friends, he became the calm presence that kept you sane over the many years you shared. 

At the door, Gino knocked. 

"Hansen and L/N. Here to see the Commander, sir." 

\----

Levi laid on Erwin's long couch, tired out and irritated from the day's events. The female titan had been captured in a useless form. So many dead... for what? He was glad his squad had made it through. Erwin had noticed his injury, and insisted he seek treatment. Levi refused to go to the medical ward. The last thing the survivors needed to see was to see the so-called Humanity's Strongest limping along the wards. 

"Hansen and L/N. Here to see the Commander, sir." 

"Come in." Erwin stood to address the medics. Levi made no move from the position on the couch, hidden from view.

"This is to be confidential. A matter of morale, you see." Erwin led them over to the other side of the couch, where Levi lay shirtless in his boxers. His forearm was splayed over his face, shielding his eyes from the light. 

"Hello sir. Could you sit up so I can check you over?" He heard your voice addressing him. He grunted in assent as he pulled himself up, wincing as he moved his left leg to the ground.

You tied your hair up. Levi absent-mindedly looked over the pale curvature of your neck. He looked to your brown eyes that were sharply scanning him from head to toe, no sign of the smile that was usually found on your face. 

"Superficial lacerations, left knee." You said to Gino, who was standing behind you getting supplies ready. _I guess she does know what she's doing_ , he mused.

"Sir I'm going to be checking from head to toe. Excuse me." With that you leaned in hands reaching for his head. A soft scent enveloped him - not artificial or floral, a clean scent he couldn't quite name, reminiscent of a fresh bath. Firm fingertips pressed down on his head, neck, chest, back, stomach, focused eyes checking for injuries and signs of pain. While outwardly stoic, Levi felt some tingles at the pressure moving along his body. 

You continued, maneuvering his injured knee gently. He observed the top of your head, dark hair shining in the light. Suddenly, you looked up at him, strands of your hair falling in your eyes. Levi almost unconsciously reached over to push it back. He tensed his arm back when you spoke, smile finding its way back on your face. "It's probably the ACL. Almost certainly not broken. Take it easy for a few weeks, Captain."

"Good. Let's get the brace on." Gino stepped in with the brace, pushing the hair off your face as Levi had intended to. You closed your eyes and wrinkled your nose cutely at the touch, then continued applying the brace to his knees with your small hands. 

"I'll finish here, you go check over the Commander," Gino said to you.

Levi felt a twinge of annoyance. _At what?_ Gino continued working on the various cuts silently, something Levi should have approved of. Instead, he found himself watching you accost Erwin into a physical exam. 

Erwin as expected, declined at first, but was pressured into removing his shirt for an inspection. He sat upon his desk as you cleaned his cuts and checked his range of motion. Levi noted the relaxed expression on his face, one rarely seen in public. Erwin mumbled something with a playful look, making you laugh and look up with wide eyes. Erwin continued looking down at the small woman next to him as you helped him back into his shirt, smile still on your face. _What did he say?_

"...You're done... Sir? You're done." Gino's voice pulled him back once again. 

"Thanks." Levi grunted, and pulled his shirt on. 

"Thank you for your help. And I stress again, the confidentiality." Erwin said. 

"Of course sir. Have a good night." You waved, and the two medics walked out the door. 

"A _wave._ " Erwin chuckled, leaning back into his chair. "It's been so long since I've been waved at."

"We have a lot of work to do." Levi said, dampening the mood.

"We do. But I feel that we've taken a step towards something important... and if we're going to figure that out, you're going to need to sleep better." Erwin said. "I think F/N could help. It says in her file she has experience with sleep disorders." 

F/N. Since when do we call medics by first name? 

Levi didn't put up the usual fuss about not needing help. He nodded at Erwin, and left for his office.

Levi was not oblivious. He knew these feelings were one of attraction. He would quash it. There was no time or purpose for feelings like these, not when the world was as shitty as it was. 


	2. II

You and Gino received notice that you two would be the only medics accompanying the Scouts on the next expedition occurring in 3 months – a whole 6 months after coming to headquarters. The rest of the medics would continue training, their fates to be determined after your trial run.

You however, also received notice of a new special assignment – make Levi sleep more. While you did have experience, it was minimal, and who wouldn’t have sleep issues when your world was filled with titans just outside the Walls?

Outside Levi’s door, you knocked hesitantly. “L/N, sir.”

“Come in.”

You walked in, taking in the very tidy office and the very tidy man sitting at the large desk by the window. A huge but neat pile of papers sat at the left side, presumably his paperwork from the last expedition. A smaller pile of completed work was on the right. You noted the glasses sitting on the tip of his nose. He somehow looked a different kind of attractive with them on. You forced yourself to focus.

“I thought I could do the intake questionnaire today, if you have 15 minutes or so?”

“I don’t, but let’s get it over with.” Levi said, his eyes still glaring at the paper in his hands.

You went through the basic questions, starting with his regular sleeping hours (irregular, few), bedtime habits (work), and stressors in his life (he just raised his eyebrows at this one). He had several barriers to sleeping well, and his sleeping habits were terrible. This one would be a hard problem to crack.

“Any coffee?”

“Only tea.”

“Black tea?”

“All kinds.”

His answers were short and uninterested, obviously trying to tie up the conversation.

You stared down at the paper in your hand. None of these problems had quick solutions, but you managed to come up with some recommendations.

“I think we both know this problem is chronic and difficult to fix, especially given your position.” You started. “But there are a couple measures we could take. Even if it means one extra hour a night, I would consider them worth it.”

Your methods included organizing his workload to make paperwork more efficient, potentially taking on an assistant, and rotating his tea so that he would drink the kinds with highest caffeine content in the mornings only. You had extensive experience with paperwork in your profession, and lined out the methods that could help.

“I don’t trust anyone to do my work, so an assistant is out of the question.” He said, making direct eye contact.

You tried to meet his gaze head-on. “Okay. They don’t actually have to _do_ your work. They’ll just make it efficient. Try it for a week, and if you hate it, then we can find some other method.”

You reached for his bigger pile of papers, asking for permission with your eyes. You were going to show off, just a little.

Levi raised his eyebrows.

\-----

Okay. He was proved wrong by you yet again. In the few minutes you had his papers, you had ordered them in a way that flowed from one to the next, making them easier to process. You had since also filled in some of the administrative portions, like the dates and his name, leaving space for his comments and signature. His fingers traced the neat uniform writing in black ink: “Captain Levi – Survey Corps”. You had excellent penmanship.

While he continued his work, you had remained in the office, filling out a piece of paper with his new tea schedule. He scoffed inwardly. _Tea Schedule_.

He wondered if this trial assistant position was going to be filled by you. _That would not be good,_ he thought.

“This is your tea schedule!” You said proudly, holding up the paper. “Now I’ll go get your afternoon paperwork!”

A second passed. A second in which he could have told you no, that he would find himself a cadet to assist him. Instead he sat silently. You stood up, and left the room, shutting the door quietly behind you. He sighed. He didn’t say no. _I will eventually when the right time comes,_ he reasoned with himself.

\----

In the next five days, you learned his rhythm. Most people had a rhythm to their day – his was insane. You never caught him asleep, even when you walked by his office at 5AM out of sheer spite to catch him at it. He was sipping his black tea (permitted from morning until noon according to the Tea Schedule) while reading a report.

By the end of the fifth day, you knew when he would want his afternoon paperwork. When he might need new candles or ink. You swore he looked pleasantly surprised when you showed up with a pot of chamomile tea at 11PM, along with a new candle. However, you were surprised further when he pulled off his cravat before sipping on his tea. Looking at you, for once. His desk had one large pile of papers.

“You finished!” You exclaimed, gesturing at his desk. 11PM had to be a record by what you had seen.

“Mmm.” He said, swivelling his chair to look out at the window behind him.

“Tonight is the perfect night to improve your sleep hygiene.”

He stopped drinking his tea. “My what.”

\-----

“It’s when you form a routine, to help your body understand when it is time to sleep. You haven’t had a chance to form one since you’ve been so busy, but now we can try!” You beamed.

He frowned at the implication that his sleep “hygiene” was somehow poor. _My sleep hygiene is dirty?_

You didn’t notice as you were walking around, blowing out half the candles in his office.

“I still have to drop off-” He started.

“I’ll do it on the way back. I have to see the Commander tonight anyways. I am determined to get you in bed.” You cut him off. _The nerve._ He smirked just a little at the implication of your words.

Wait. _Tonight._ Why tonight? He held his mind back. _None of my business. Time to try to get some damn sleep as planned._

You left his office with his papers, chiding him to finish the tea and be lying in bed comfortably by midnight. The room was quiet again. He thought about the day, how his work had gone smoother. You were smart and knew his boundaries. He thumbed the now-empty cup in his hands. Your tea wasn’t bad either.

Trying not to think of anything, he laid in bed obediently. Trying not to think. “ _I have to see the Commander tonight.”_ He rolled over irritably. Sometime just after midnight, he fell asleep, still irked but earlier than he ever had in recent memory.

\---

The next morning Levi stood up from bed, refreshed. Almost 6 hours. He had slept for a full night. As he changed, he heard a knock at the door. He suddenly noted he was in a surprisingly good mood. Is this what it felt like to be well-rested?

“Hansen, here with your paperwork sir.” Levi’s mood dropped to baseline.

Gino Hansen walked into his office with his paperwork, and the black tea you had insisted he bring last night. He laid out the tea and papers on Levi’s desk at perfect right angles.

“Anything else I can do for you sir?” Gino asked, straightening up and towering over Levi.

Levi tried to glare the obvious question into Gino’s mind. _Where is she?_ “No.”

Gino nodded and left, almost running straight into Hange who was on her way in. Levi glared at the back of Gino’s head. _The idiot. I thought I liked you._

“Good morning Levi!” Hange bounced in. “You’re looking well today. You and Erwin both, actually.” She said, taking a seat across from his desk. “Positively glowing. I take F/N has worked her magic?”

“Why is Erwin glowing.” Levi deadpanned.

“I think something is going well? I’m not sure, F/N has been in his office all night, headed there again now. I think Gino is going now as well.”

She was there last night. And this morning? Was there a break in between? An overnight session?

“You’re no longer glowing.” Hange pointed out. “I think they’re re-designing the medical ward flow.”

He felt the creases between his eyebrows flatten out. _None of my business. None of my business…_ He picked up his tea and sipped. _What the fuck._ He put the cup back down. Gino was cut from his approval list. He half-listened as Hange ran by her latest titan-capturing plan he would reject anyway.

You didn’t appear in his office all day. He didn’t even see you in the mess hall for meals. He also did not see Erwin. _Interesting. But none of my business_. He oversaw some cadet training. You weren’t there either. Better this way, to stamp out any _feelings_ anyway.

When Gino came back in the evening with papers and tea, he grunted to acknowledge his arrival.

“How is the medical ward redesign going?” He asked casually, sipping the tea and almost spitting it back out.

“Good.” Gino replied.

“Taking a while is it?”

“Yes.”

 _Holy shit. Did this man not know how to hold a conversation?_ Levi thought, annoyed, as Gino walked towards the door to leave.

“Hansen.”

“Yes sir.”

“Stop bringing me tea.”

“…. Would you like me to tell F/N that for tomorrow?” Levi’s attention was piqued.

“…”

“… Sir?” Definitely off the approved list.


	3. III

You were glowing. You and Erwin had spent the past day revising the medical ward flow. You reassigned roles, revised supply lists, and reorganized the structure. You and Gino had even designed a few workshops to teach the Corps members, from basic first aid to more advanced classes for those interested. Erwin had not held back his praise. He had been impressed by your efficient functioning, and more impressed by your fresh ideas. He excused you from your daily activities to “continue the roll we are on”, in his words. The Commander had been very pleasant to work with, and you complemented each other nicely. A very effective day had passed, now well into the night. You hummed as you walked to your dorm.

A tall figure was waiting for you outside. “Took you long enough,” said Gino, stepping out of the shadows, shaking his hair out.

Gino led you to the small lounge, where he warmed up a cup of milk for you. You already felt sleepy at the smell. You made a mental note to suggest this to the Captain.

“How was your day? Thanks for taking over assistant duties.”

“Not bad. He doesn’t speak much, does he?”

You snorted. Gino was the least talkative person you knew. Well, now the second least talkative. Holding the warm cup to your belly, you slouched on the old sofa, unwinding.

“We’ve been here three months. Went by pretty quickly eh? I’m nervous for the expedition.” You shared.

“We’ll be careful. It’s the first step to making sure I do something that matters while I’m alive.”

You looked at your friend, sitting in the dim room. You admired his courage and determination – and prayed that you would still be here for each other in three months. The night darkened as you two conversed, and eventually Gino walked you to your door.

“Listen. If you’re ever overwhelmed…” Gino started hesitantly.

“I’ll let you know. I’m okay right now.” You answered before he finished.

You shared a trusted glance. Gino left with a wave over his shoulders, and you both retired for the night.

\---

Levi sat at his desk, watching the morning sun get brighter and brighter. His ears picked up a set of footsteps outside his door. He sat perfectly still, ready to answer –

“Hansen, sir.” _What the fuck._

“Come in.”

Gino walked in, his height bothering Levi more than usual this morning. He dropped off the paperwork, no tea. He waited a second for Levi to say something, and when he did not, left the room.

Levi had been expecting _you_. Why was the long guy here again?

What Levi didn’t notice, was that Gino was half expecting the Captain to ask – when he didn’t, Gino didn’t feel the need to elaborate about his dear friend, who had been taken by the Commander for the morning to oversee the new ward operations. Gino smirked, walking out while feeling Levi’s gaze boring into the back of his head.

\---

You walked into the mess hall for lunch, greatly satisfied with the morning’s events. The ward was running well, and only a few tweaks were needed overall. Carrying your tray, you scanned the hall for familiar faces. Eren waved from the front of the hall. You smiled back and made your way over to his table.

“I haven’t seen you for a while!” Eren said. Moving over and patting the seat next to him.

“Only the second day.” Mikasa pointed out. She gave you a nod of acknowledgement. Almost friendly.

“I heard you revamped the medical ward. That’s really cool.” Armin chipped in.

As you chatted with your friends, you caught a flash of grey eyes behind Eren’s shoulder. When you looked over at the Captain, he was looking beyond you. _I thought he was looking at me for a second,_ you thought. You looked at him determinedly, and when he finally looked over, you smiled and waved. He nodded and looked away. _Well, I tried._

You finished your meal, and dropped by the Commander’s office to check if there were any paperwork for the Captain.

“Back to assistant mode, F/N?” Commander asked, smile in his eyes as he walked by his assistant’s desk, where you were leaving with an armful of folders.

“Yes!” You gave him a bright smile, and he took and straightened the pile for you. “Thank you sir!”

Later you dropped by Hange’s office, who gave you some papers. “Tell Levi I’m happy for him.”

“For what?”

“Oh, you know. Getting his glow back.” Hange waved her hands haphazardly in the air.

Puzzled, but not willing to go into details, you walked away to the kitchen. You stood for a moment with the tea shelf open. It was 1PM, but you heard from Gino the Captain had been working late last night. You didn’t want him to stay up again. You picked up jasmine and hibiscus, and blended the two to tamper the caffeine content. Satisfied with the scent, you carefully placed the tray on the folders and made your way to the Captain’s office. You knocked with your head as you had no available hands, hoping no one saw, and swore you heard a little groan from inside.

“Come in…”

You pressed the handle down with your elbow and pushed the door with your shoulder to not spill the tea. You closed the door slowly behind you by leaning on it.

Walking over to the desk, you placed your pile on the edge, letting out a relieved breath.

\---

He smelled the tea first.

When he heard the heavy knocks, Levi was pissed. He had a headache. Here comes more work, brought by silent tree-man, when the morning’s work wasn’t even done yet. He continued to glare at his current report that really wasn’t writing itself when you put down what you were carrying on the desk.

Jasmine and sweet hibiscus. He looked up and saw you arranging papers on his desk, then pouring the hot tea into his cup. He continued to stare as you seated yourself across from him and started to thumb through the papers and pulled out a pen. You must have felt his gaze because you looked up, warm shining eyes narrowing into a smile. Levi’s heart ached sweetly.

“Some assistant, disappearing for a day and a half.” He said, tearing his eyes away from yours. He pushed his glasses up with a lithe finger and reached for the cup.

“Hey! I had a last minute responsibility. Plus I got you a very capable replacement.” You sassed, still in a good mood as you began to fill in some of the papers.

“The long guy who can’t brew tea?”

You laughed incredulously, eyes flitting up to meet his. “Long guy? Oh man, Gino’s going to love that one.”

A smile mirroring yours threatened to break onto his stony features. He turned to the report. Both of you settled into a comfortable silence for the next hour, soothing sounds of pen on paper filling the office warmed by the afternoon sun.

You stretched in your seat as you looked past him out the window. You began to get up. “I should go get ready for afternoon training.”

Levi watched as you gathered your jacket with the medicine insignia on it. You turned at the door to meet his gaze. “No slacking.” With a mock stern gaze that faded quickly, you smiled and closed the door behind you.

Levi looked down at his completed report. His headache was gone.


	4. IV

(Two months later)

With the expedition coming up in a month, you and Gino joined as many of the soldier’s practices as possible. Many were led by members of the Levi Squad, and were much harder than the usual.

As for the assistant position, neither you nor Captain Levi had brought up the subject. You had continued your daily visits, neither party bringing up the fact that it had been intended to be a trial, one the Captain had expected to dismiss rapidly. You felt a strange sense of comfort in his presence, kind of like being with a finicky feral kitten that had taken a liking to you. His sleep schedule had improved to the point where he was getting about 5 hours every night, which was a vast improvement from before you. You mused on these successes as you walked to the day’s training.

This session was led by Eld. Each team had to swing through the forest and gather three flags that had been tied to wild deer. A test of dexterity and agility. After half an hour, your team had two – Eld was ribbing them jokingly when you swung out of the forest, muddier than anyone had ever seen you, holding the third flag in your hands. Eld laughed at your state, but commended your dedication. Your team was awarded early dinner for being the first to complete the training.

“I would hug you but you’re gross.” Jean said, leaning in to wipe off some of the mud from your cheek. You reached for his clean face with your dirty hands, jokingly puckering your lips as if to give him a kiss. Jean swerved away from you dramatically as you laughed.

“F/N!!!” Eren came hurdling over and enveloped you in a celebratory hug.

“Gross.” Jean said, backing away from you both.

You really loved the way these people accepted you into their fold. You felt part of the team, and ready to take on the expedition together. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a familiar stocky figure speaking with Eld. How long had the Captain been here? You immediately felt self-conscious at your disastrous state. Hoping he didn’t see you, you turned and made your way to the showers with your teammates.

\---

The evening’s work was coming to an end. Levi patiently sat at his desk, knowing you would come by around now with his caffeine-free brew of your choice. He recalled your sorry state as you flew out of the forest like a little bird, flag clutched in your hand. He let out a little smile.

His squad’s reports indicated you were quickly becoming one of their best performers. They also complimented your dedication and teamwork. Hange’s reports also lauded your performance in the medical ward. Where did Erwin even find you? Could we keep you even after the trial expedition? Mike had wondered aloud in the veteran meeting one day. If not, could we at least keep the long guy? Mike had added on as an afterthought, using Levi’s nickname for Gino that had spread and stuck somehow, to the long guy’s displeasure.

You entered at that moment, interrupting his thoughts. Over the weeks, he had learned to recognize your footsteps, and you had stopped knocking. Levi kind of liked things this way.

Setting the tray down without a word, you gathered from his neat desk that he was done for the day.

“Done before midnight again! You’re going to get _too much_ sleep at this rate.” You said, feigning distress as you poured his tea.

He noticed a red welt along your neck, dipping below the shirt collar. A shallow cut, likely from tumbling through the trees today.

Why did you try so hard? You only had to do just enough, and people would still be grateful you were risking your life to come on the death-ridden expeditions. Without realizing, he had made his way around the table and leaned down, his hands on the armrests with him bending over you.

Levi looked at your wide eyes and held back a smirk. He remembered how unbothered you were when Jean was almost as close earlier today. As unthreateningly as possible, he angled your head away with his hand to take a look at the cut.

\-----

He was so close. You tensed, feeling your heartrate speed up. His fingers on your jaw were calloused from training, and your brain was intensely focused on the sensation, somehow burning even though his fingers were just warm. Remembering your previous analogy to a feral kitten, you revised him to a cat. No, a panther. His grey eyes glowed in the light of the room. Head angled like he could take the fatal bite at any second. You felt like your heart was squeezing, lifting into your throat. Taking quick shallow breaths, you tried to look unbothered. _Likely miserably failing,_ you thought. You silently listed medical conditions that could present in chest tightening to distract yourself.

He backed away, leaning into the desk, and grabbed an extra teacup from his shelf – was that for you? “You have a long cut on your neck.” He poured the second cup, and pushed it towards you along the desk.

Jesus, he couldn’t have said that from the other side of the table? Did he really want to speak directly to the cut? At the price of you having a heart attack?

“Earlier today Eld said you rolled through shit to get the flag.”

“Rolled through sh-” you stuttered. “Mud!”

“Just as dirty.”

“Questionable opinion.”

You looked up to see if you had crossed a line. Apparently you had not, as he continued without pause. You had no idea how much the Captain enjoyed your little quips because he never let it show.

“Why are you here?” He asked.

He clarified when you looked at him, confused. “Why did you come to the Survey Corps?”

That was a question you weren’t sure you were ready to answer. Looking for a way to dodge it, you decided to interpret “you” as a collective term. You apologized to Gino in your head for selling him out.

“Gino comes from nobility. He grew up in the inner walls, and had this moment in school where he realized how sheltered he was from reality. He’s been struggling against that ever since. Trying to be of genuine help in the world. I admire that about him.” You said, staring into your cup.

“I asked about you.” Damn, he was direct.

“I’ve always wanted to be a doctor.” Deflect, deflect, deflect.

“You don’t have to be a doctor here though.” Straight to the heart of the matter. If you were a titan you would be rolling on the ground by now.

A silence filled the room as you struggled with how to answer. You rarely shared deep thoughts with people other than Gino. Were you really about to have this conversation with your surly cat of a captain?

“My sister was a scout.” You started. “She wanted to know what was beyond the walls. My family was all kinds of against it, but she went anyway. When she was gone we just pretended she never existed… but I missed her a lot. I just had it easier because my dream lay inside the walls. I let her go alone.”

You hesitantly looked up. The last thing you wanted to do was talk too much. The Captain was still close, standing against the desk in front of you. His eyes were still firmly trained on you, waiting for you to continue.

“When I started working at the hospitals a few years ago I saw some older garrison soldiers. I would ask them to tell me stories so I could imagine what kinds of adventures she was having. I think I might have been a little jealous she was out there and free… then last year I met a retired scout.” Your face twisted as you recalled learning the truth about the expeditions.

“I was so damn stupid, thinking she was out there riding away into the sunset to see the ocean. Then I knew I had to find her. So I came to headquarters to ask about her… and she was already…” You looked down. You had no more tears left for this story. You would carry her dream on for her, and for you to do that, you had to be stronger than you were.

“I came here looking for pieces of her. But I don’t think that’s the full reason anymore.” You looked into his eyes, like you might find the answer there. It was the truth, you didn’t know what made you stay here anymore – it wasn’t just your sister’s memory. During training, flying through the cutting branches, you felt alive. There was a whole world out there but you were caged inside the walls. For the first time, you were angry at the small piece of the world given to you.

“I think – I think I want more.” You managed, trying to convey the sentiment bursting in your heart. You hoped he understood.

He did.

\----

“I think I want more.” Your eyes burned with a flame.

Years spent at the Underground flashed through him as he looked into your eyes. Your face overlapped with his teenage one, when he met Erwin all those years ago. How he had wanted more. Overlapped with those of the friends and comrades he had lost. He understood you so completely, but he didn’t know how to communicate that.

Burning, he felt burning in his heart. Levi walked to the window to get some distance from you. He had to send you away before he – _what?_

_Quash the feeling._

“We will certainly get more. But not if you don’t sleep. Like you know full well.” He said anticlimactically.

Levi turned to face you. “Time for bed, brat.”

You blinked away the intensity in your eyes. He hoped that you didn’t feel dismissed after you had shared such a personal story. Should he thank you? Good job for sharing? _What the hell was he supposed to say?_

“Sleep…well.” He managed as you stood up. He was rewarded with a smile.

“You too, Captain.”


	5. V - An Aside: Hange's Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A breather chapter after that intense one. Background into how Hange Zoe finagled you and Levi to maintain your assistant position all those weeks ago. Set just after your week as trial assistant with the Captain.

Hange knew something was up. Levi had been more irritable yesterday. Sprinkling profanities into almost every sentence. Walking along the hallways deeply immersed in thought. Then she remembered your charting on Levi submitted to her for review. Today was the last day you would be acting as his trial assistant, when he would need to cut you off to save his inapproachable aura or whatever. In her opinion, if he was going to be as pissed as this, it was not worth it.

She recalled his terrible mood when Gino had replaced you for a day. More importantly, she had already noticed how he softened a little when you were around. How he subtly deflected Mike’s not-so-joking suggestions to move you to his squad permanently. How he went scary silent at Nanaba’s opinion that you and Gino should get married already. She wasn’t sure yet. Hell, he might not even be sure yet. But this, she was sure, needed to play out longer. 

Her two-pronged plan was as follows: 1) Plant the idea in your head that Levi would revert to his insomniac ways without you, and 2) Make you as pretty as possible today, to show him what he would be setting free into the headquarters filled with, in his words, “hormonal brats”. The first would be easy because it was true. His friendship was like a mythical creature – one doesn’t gain it by trying hard. You had managed to gain his confidence in the short three months you had been here. No one could replace you. The second, however, would be more difficult. What excuse could she brew up to doll you up? Such occasions were rare in the headquarters.

An idea flashed into her head. She would take advantage of your trusting nature.

\---

A few minutes later, you appeared at her office, having been summoned.

“F/N! Come in, come in!”

“Hello! How can I help?”

“I was hoping to get your help on a trial run. I’m trying a new method of data gathering by word of mouth.”

Hange explained her plan. She would change up your appearance a little bit. You would walk around as usual, and write down any comments you received on the changed variable. You liked Hange a lot. Although the idea of looking different and collecting comments sounded intimidating, not to mention somewhat pointless, you couldn’t really say no. Should you point out there were many confounders? How this model wouldn’t really apply to anything else, really? Surely the smart lady would have thought about all that. You shook your head free of doubts, and agreed to her proposition.

You sat in the stool as she got to work. Hange brushed your hair out, and clipped it into a soft half-updo, letting some strands out to frame your face. She mixed some red pigment into water, and dabbed it along your lips. She further diluted it and dabbed it along your cheeks as well. _Pretty._ Hange gave herself a pat on the back for her handiwork. All the while complimenting the work you had done with Levi’s sleep schedule, how he was a changed man, and so on.

“Now let me see your clothes.” Hange commanded. You had brought some casual clothes as asked just in case, but hadn’t really felt the need to change out of uniform.

Hange picked out a simple sleeveless beige dress from your pile. This would do perfectly. Looking at the unusually feminine girl in front of her, Hange handed you a small notebook.

“Write down any and all comments. Any and all!” Hange pushed you out of her office.

It was still morning, but definitely later than usual for the morning tea run. Good thing you had already asked Gino to cover for you.

\-----

Levi sat across from Gino, wondering why the hell he wasn’t leaving. He had already been on edge this morning, wondering how he would tell you that in fact he would not be taking on an assistant. Then Gino showed up, with his shitty tea (you had insisted he brew) and his shitty handwriting (you had insisted he help the Captain with paperwork until you were free).

It was the last day and you were going to avoid him? He stood up, pissed, and walked to the door with the intention of finding you.

And he did. Almost immediately. He pulled the door open to find you standing there, ready to knock.

He had no idea what he was going to say. In hindsight, maybe it would have been better if he let you disappear into the background of his life. That was the intent of this whole ordeal, correct? Slight uncharacteristic panic rising, he took a step back. Then he really had the chance to look at you for the first time this morning.

Cheeks somehow flushed, lips pinker than usual. Hair flowing around your face and down your shoulders. Out of uniform for the first time he had ever seen, in a dress with a low-ish neckline that reached just above your knees. Levi was quite literally knocked speechless. _What was he supposed to say?_ A question he found himself repeating more often these days, rang around his head.

“F/N.” Gino’s voice pierced through his brain fog. “You look nice today. Are you off?”

“Not really. Thanks for covering again. You’re a lifesaver. Captain, sorry I’m late.” You offered no explanation for the change in appearance as you stepped aside to let Gino pass. Gino stopped to give you a pat on the head. “See you later.”

Not even ruffled, as if to say _I see her like this all the time_. Okay, lengthy man, get out of my office.

You walked to the desk and frowned at Gino’s atrocious handwriting. You sat down and began to work as Levi slowly came back to earth. He sat himself down and peeked over his spectacles. You were there, in all your soft, pink, lovable glory.

Perhaps… Perhaps he could have this discussion another day.

\----

The next morning, Hange sat in Erwin’s office, anxiously awaiting Levi’s arrival.

“Let’s get started.” Levi said, taking a seat next to Hange. He refused the drink Erwin offered. “I’ve already had tea.”

Not a single expletive. And already had tea. Hange was hopeful.

“You received the notes?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah. F/N brought them first thing this morning.” Levi said, as calm as a kitten with a bottle of milk.

Hange did a little dance in her head. _Someone bring me an award right now, because I just saved this regiment._

\----

Later that afternoon, you came by her office to drop off the little notebook.

“Um… please don’t show that to anyone.” You said, blushing furiously before leaving.

Hange flipped open the notebook.

Holy Walls, Levi had a lot of competition.


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the expedition coming up, your training is amped up. You and Gino are sent to the woods alone for a few days in a test of survival, and Levi is left to think about all the possible situations that could transpire in the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the Kudos! Thank you also for your kind comments, Hyungnim, sondepoch, and sailorjac. You guys kept me motivated today!

The last month before expeditions passed quickly. Daily training. Nightly studying with Gino. Whatever time you had left spent in the Captain’s office assisting with his work.

You felt like you had become closer with the Captain – dare you say, had built a friendship. The silences were comfortable, but you enjoyed your conversations with him as well. You peppered him with questions when you had the chance, and he answered all of them earnestly, even the simple ones. You loved how his nose crinkled a little when you asked him a question he had to think about. He had a surprising number of opinions that you had been oblivious to: He didn’t like crowds but he cared a lot about people. He hated mess but relished in cleaning it. He liked animals, just didn’t care to get attached to one. He was very particular about his tea, but the way you were doing it was just fine.

There was one final advanced training you and Gino would participate in before the expedition: simulation of separation from the corps. The rest of the soldiers had completed this during their cadet training, so it would be just you two.

You two met Gunther after dinner to receive your assignment. It was simple – you would survive on your own in the forest for the weekend, reaching a set point on the other side by the first night and gathering the flag tied to a specific location. On the second day, you are to assume that one of you are injured and unable to use your gear, and return to the entrance of the forest by the third morning at the latest. You would have a flare to use if anything went wrong.

The pair of you stood, looking at the equipment provided to you shining in the moonlight. You strapped on your ODM gear and began filling your pack with supplies and your sleeping gear.

“Wait.” Gino said thoughtfully. He had a plan.

\---

Gunther sat down at the breakfast table next morning with the rest of the Levi squad. The table was rowdy per usual, this morning arguing about who would get to take over assistant duties for the day.

“Believe it or not,” Levi’s voice cut through the conversation. “I’ve been doing it myself for years so a few days alone won’t kill me. Just do your duties. You’re all busy enough.”

It was just like him to be considerate and snarky at the same time.

“They left last night, right?” Oluo asked, referring to the medics.

“Yes. What a duo. You can tell they’re brainy – had plans for everything. Gino even suggested they pack one tent and sleeping bag to lessen the load.” Gunther said, picking up his spoon.

Levi stopped mid chew.

“That man is smart in more ways than one. What a smooth move.” Oluo remarked, genuinely impressed.

“Not everyone has ulterior motives like you, Oluo.” Petra said, rolling her eyes. “It’s a legitimately good idea. She’s small, and it’ll be warmer in one tent anyway.”

“Ulterior motives or not, that’s how things get started! Small sleeping bag! Warm bodies! Late night chats! Eyes meet, hands touch…” Oluo continued enthusiastically, as Petra leaned away from him. Inevitably, he bit his tongue.

“And then he tried just picking her up in ODM gear, and they were quite stable. She just fits right into his arms. I think they might actually have no issues with this assessment.” Gunther continued.

Levi picked up his tray and returned it to the cadet on kitchen duty, all the while visualizing the scenes described to him. Unbeknownst to him, the poor cadet cowered away at his expression, wondering what had the Captain in such a bad mood.

The two days passed by slowly. Even the paperwork slowed down, leaving Levi with more downtime than usual. Somehow, he wasn’t sleeping well. He knew his sleep hygiene was absolutely impeccable by now, and he had even been following the damn tea schedule. Why couldn’t he sleep? He had resorted to sitting with Hange in her lab last night until he fell asleep seated, much to her amusement.

Sitting in his office with tea he had brewed himself for the first time in a while, he tried to relax for bed. Recently, at this hour you would be here, making him scramble for words to answer your random questions. He remembered you flitting around the room blowing out candles, with a soft smile he didn’t realize was on his face. What did he do before you when he had downtime? He couldn’t really remember.

\---

You and Gino were seated closely on a log. The usually calm man was leaned back laughing hard as you waved your arms animatedly, telling an old story he was familiar with. You had actually completed the mission yesterday, and had spent a relaxing campfire day waiting to be picked up.

The assignment had been relatively simple. Gino carried you back through the woods without much distress, although you had felt bad and tried to set up most of the camping gear yourself. While the sleeping arrangement was new even for you two, you had quickly relaxed. Sleeping bag rolled open wide, you used your cloaks as blankets in the nights. You laid with your backs touching, chatting until you fell asleep. While there was a short awkward moment when you woke up in his arms, Gino never made you feel uncomfortable, not that you had thought he would.

Noticing the horses, you waved at the figures arriving to pick you up. It was Gunther and the Captain. Only Gunther waved back with a wide smile, and slid off his mount.

“I knew you aces would be done by now. Can I have your flag and record book?” You handed him both.

You eyed the Captain, who still sat atop his horse looking bored. You noted there were no extra horses. You would likely be going two per horse – you discreetly stepped closer to Gunther, not wanting to be that close to the Captain after spending almost three days in the woods. You had managed to wash in the rivers, but nothing like the soap and scrubbing you were used to. You looked up at Gunther, sending telepathic messages for him to ask you to get on his horse.

Unfortunately for you, Gunther was not well versed in telepathy. Mind on practicality, he decided the other pairing was better-matched in terms of size.

“All right, Gino, get behind me.” Gunther said, swinging on the horse.

 _Well shit Gunther, I was right in front of you._ You seethed, getting out of their way. Gino gave you a pat on the waist, giving you a small smile as he passed by you to get on Gunther’s horse.

You turned to the Captain, whose eyes were now fixed on you. He wordlessly slid back on his seat, indicating for you to get in front of him. Giving up, you took his offered hand and got on, holding on to the pommel of the saddle. You sincerely hoped you did not smell.

\---

For the first time, Levi noted how comfortable you were with Gino. He had watched you, sitting closer to Gino than you had ever been near Levi, and make the tree-man laugh like a human. The man had also just practically tapped your ass and you hadn’t even blinked. It was different from the way you were with the other brats – there was a strong foundation of trust here. Thinking back to Nanaba’s fervent support of furthering this relationship, he clicked his tongue.

He pulled you on the horse, noticing your usual scent mixed with the pine of the forest. You peeked back over your shoulders, quickly looking to the front again when your eyes met. He hadn’t even touched you yet and you were jumpy.

“Relax, I don’t bite usually.” He said beside your ear, trying to get the usual banter started. You mumbled a reply he couldn’t make out.

Somewhat annoyed, he slid forwards to put his chest on your back, arms circling your waist to reach the reigns at the front. See, you fit into _his_ arms very well too, he noted smugly. He relaxed at your warmth and smell as you simultaneously tensed in anxiety, and followed Gunther’s lead back to headquarters.

\---

You hopped off the horse as quickly as possible when you reached the destination. After thanking both the veterans, you and Gino walked briskly towards the dorms.

“I really hope I didn’t smell.” You fretted at the door.

Gino looked confused – you didn’t for one, and you hadn’t really seemed self-conscious of it all weekend. Then realization flickered on his face. Keeping eye contact, he slowly leaned in. You subconsciously tried to take a step back at the different vibe he was giving off, but his large hands held your arms in place. His head nestled into the right side of your head, his tall nose sliding down your neck.

“You don’t.” He rumbled there. Goosebumps raised along your skin.

Gino stood back up, looking completely unbothered, and walked straight into his room. You stood there for a few seconds to process what had happened. _That was nothing, right? I’m just being weird. I did ask if I smelled…?_

You shook your head, and headed for the showers.

\----

Levi was supervising training, but his mind was back at the office, with the notebook on his desk. He had read your record of the weekend that was sorely lacking details in certain areas. Namely, your sleeping arrangements. The position you were carried in through the woods. Events that may or may not have transpired in the tents by moonlight. His usual broken record statement of _not my business_ was really broken this time, refusing to play in his head.

Eren landed in front of him with a thump. “That was good, right Captain?”

He hadn’t watched him at all. “Again, Jaeger.”

Eren groaned and ran back to the start of the obstacle course. An unknowing victim of Levi’s distracted mind.

\----

After lunch, you brought over his afternoon paperwork with a new blend you were quite proud of – pomegranate oolong.

The Captain was thoughtfully quiet, breathing in the tea scent silently.

Finally, he spoke. “I read your records. You finished a full day early, that’s good for a pair of newbies.”

“Really? Thank you!” You were surprised at his rare genuine praise.

“I assume Hansen was helpful?” He asked in a disinterested tone.

At the mention of Gino, your neck prickled where his nose had touched it. The scene replayed in your head. You pulled yourself together the best that you could.

“……………uh, yes.”

You had not talked about the weird moment with Gino yet. You weren’t sure if he intended to come off so – _masculine? Like he’s trying to hit on me?_ You didn’t want to assume and make things awkward. He hadn’t brought it up either, so you let it rest for now.

After comparing it to your limited past romantic interactions, you decided it wasn’t of a great concern. You and Gino were close. There was a solid chance he didn’t mean anything by it. Most importantly, while it felt different from usual, he didn’t make you feel fluttery, regardless of how close he was. You recalled the sweet, warm anxiety you had felt when Captain Levi leaned over you to look at your neck. It had felt like he held your heart in his hands, grey eyes flashing warmly. You felt a blush starting at the memory and started thinking about the differential for flushed skin to focus on something else. _Rosacea. Hormonal hot flash. Fever. Allergic reaction…_

Distracted while thinking about Gino’s uncharacteristic behaviour, you missed the Captain’s eyes narrow in suspicion.


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You join the scouts on your first expedition into titan territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support everyone! I didn't know comments and kudos would mean so much when I was just reading on this site. I really appreciate all the kind words and your enthusiasm. Please don't hesitate to give me feedback, or suggest ideas! This one is a somewhat dry chapter, but I promise something significant is coming in the next bit - I've started writing it and it seems promising. I hope you enjoy this new chapter in the meanwhile!
> 
> Sincerely, iamtinabug

That night, Levi sat in his chair thinking about your reaction. Something happened to offset the easy balance between you and Hansen. Did he make a move? Did _you_?

Logically, it would be a good thing if you got together. Tree-man was a good guy as far as he could tell. You would have less time for Levi. It would create natural distance between the two of you. He couldn’t deny that the idea really, truly pissed him off, though. It was getting harder and harder to ignore his attraction to you. He truly thought it would have faded by this time.

Although, no one knew what would happen after the upcoming expedition. Erwin could scrap the idea of the medic recruitment altogether. You might quit after seeing the titans. You could be injured, or worse. His blood ran cold. No matter what he felt, it would be better for you if you left. He hated feeling like a tropey, sappy romance novel character – but there was a reason it was so overused, he thought wryly. He forcefully cleared his mind and fixed his eyes outside his window, where scouts were loading the carts for the next morning’s departure.

\---

Early morning, you and Gino sat in one of the supply carts filled with medical equipment. You jittered in anxiety. Today’s mission was simple reconnaissance, to gage the size of the hole left in Wall Maria. The plan was to return by the end of the day.

As the regiment left Wall Rose behind, you looked at the fields around you. You had never been outside Wall Rose. Since the attack on Trost, this was now titan territory. The regiment reached the checkpoint by afternoon. You had yet to see a single titan in your location in the middle of the pack.

At the checkpoint, the injured were brought to the middle of the formation. You and Gino treated various injuries from cuts to concussions, and determined which soldiers should sit out the rest of the expedition. It seemed that there had been two titans they had engaged up to this point from the scouts’ stories. Your sickest patient had been one of the scouts who had been bitten at his thigh. He had fought valiantly, but the teeth had made it a third of the way through before he was saved by a comrade. He was unconscious on your table. You and Gino worked together well, and determined you could save the limb if you were quick.

With a few bystanders nearby helping, you prepped for the procedure in the makeshift medical tent. Antibiotics were squirted into the wound. You found the artery causing major blood loss and sutured it while Gino applied a temporary tourniquet. The tourniquet was then released with no leaks, and both of you worked to suture the layers of muscle and skin shut. The function of the leg would have to be seen, but it was viable and your patient was alive. The operation was complete in an hour, without delaying the progress of the expedition. The patient was sedated and stowed on the medical cart.

\---

Erwin received report of the successful operation from a scout. He was impressed. It had been the right decision to bring the medics along.

“They already saved one.” He said over his shoulder to Levi, who was wiping down his water bottle.

He grunted in response. Levi hadn’t seen you once since leaving the walls, but it was better this way for his focus. You were in the safest part of the formation and wouldn’t be reached until the rest of the regiment had been decimated – including himself.

“Let’s get going then.”

\---

You were on a horse, riding beside the medical cart. The cart had been filling with patients and you had been feeling antsy, so you volunteered to ride outside. The wall breach had been observed, and it had been determined that Eren would need to practice hardening further prior to return. Mission complete, the regiment was on schedule heading back. Then you saw a red flare on the right side, quickly followed by two black ones. _Three at once?_ You gulped.

A few minutes later, a messenger made their way through the center ranks – one titan had been dealt with, but the two abnormals were breaking through. All were accounted for except for Armin. Shortly after that, you saw Eren’s horse cutting through the ranks He was no doubt trying to get to his friend. You were worried that this wasn’t an approved action; you saw no way Captain Levi would have let him go on his own. You drifted to the edge of your formation to keep an eye on the situation, when you saw the abnormals thundering towards him. Holy Walls, they were terrifying. Their rabid dog-like movements, unfocused wide eyes, and wide mouth filled with too many teeth– just barely humanoid enough to screw with your mind. You shook yourself out of it, riding towards them.

Looking back, you saw the two new recruits driving the cart horses were frozen in fear. You saw the more experienced soldiers were further away. You were in the best position to act. You watched as the titan in the front reached for Eren’s horse, quickly gaining on him. It was at least 10 meters. Could you incapacitate it before it caught up? It was shaking its head too quickly as it ran, swaying from side to side. You made a decision. You would try to get it, but if it came down to it you would choose the better chance for humanity. You were terrified, but you knew by instinct Eren could do more than you ever could to bring _more_ in the future for everyone you had ever cared about.

\---

Levi saw Eren break formation to check on Armin a moment too late. He moved his horse to go get the idiot. Whether he liked it or not, Eren was a necessary piece of humanity’s offense. Planning on beating the shit out of him later for his risky transgression, Levi urged his horse forward. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a second 10-meter titan rushing wildly towards him – _shit, two broke through the vanguard?_ There were no trees to latch onto here. He wouldn’t make it in time.

“Eren!” He roared, trying to get him to move away. “EREN!” The abnormal’s hand reached out.

At that moment, he saw an ODM gear hook secure itself in the titan’s neck, followed by a quick body zipping through his line of sight. The scout knocked Eren off his horse, taking his place in the titan’s grasp. _Another sacrifice,_ Levi grimaced. Then he caught sight of your face in the second before its fingers closed over you.

_No._

His heart stopped. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t hear Mike yelling next to him. Time stopped for Levi as he realized it was _you_ in that slowly tightening fist.

He shot into action, standing on his horse as he pulled his blades out. _Just a little closer and I can –_

He saw a flash of silver glinting through the fist. You emerged and sprinted up the arm, taking advantage of the titan’s confused stillness. You shot your gear into the next titan, jumping off the shoulder of the first and cutting into its nape in a neat 360 spin in the same moment as you swung for the second. You made another precise kill as you rolled onto the ground beside the two steaming carcasses. 

“That’s my _fucking girl_!” Mike yelled behind Levi.

Levi rushed his horse past Eren, who had found Armin, and stopped right in front of your prone form. He jumped off and crouched down. You groaned, and gingerly sat up. Levi let out a stuttering exhale. He didn’t realize he had been holding his breath. All kinds of hot emotions broiled in his chest. Sliding his dry palms down his face, he let out a quiet relieved laugh.

He watched as you shook yourself off. You winced as you tried to lift your right arm, but overall you seemed okay. He carefully lifted you up.

Gino had come out of the hooded medical cart at the commotion, his face filled with fear. He scanned the scene until he found you in Levi’s arms. Relief flashed, and he made a movement as if to come to you. Levi walked towards the cart faster, and presented you to Gino for examination.

“I can walk!” You protested, embarrassed, looking around at the people nearby. Thankfully, they were distracted by the titans you had brought down.

“Are you ok?” Gino’s hands framed your face, sweeping back your hair.

“Right arm.” Levi said, bringing Gino’s attention to your injury.

“It’s fine, I can wait. There are other injuries and now I’m useless, Gino. Check them, I can keep an eye on myself.” You said, gesturing to the beat-up, bloody scouts newly presenting to the cart from the vanguard.

Gino hesitantly looked between you and the new patients.

Levi picked you up again. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Please, Captain, I can walk!” You insisted for the second time, wiggling a little in his arms.

Levi ignored you and helped you on the horse before climbing on behind you. The regiment continued the journey back. You would not leave him until you were back in safety.


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having returned from the expedition, Levi struggles with his growing feelings. You unintentionally make his decision easier by taking a step - both literally and figuratively - towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I'm here with the promised chapter! I'm very biased, but it's my favourite so far! I'm a sucker for the parts where an in-denial character has to admit to their feelings. I would love to hear what you all think about it!  
> I'll try to update one more time before the weekend ends. Afterwards, I'll be updating 1-2 times a week based on my time and demand. Thank you for continuing to read and support my project!!

Captain Levi had dropped you off in the medical ward himself, to the surprise of everyone there. You covered your face in shame as he gently placed you on the mattress of the ward bed, all but forgetting the pain of your arm. He hadn’t said very many words on the way back, only short communications to check if you were uncomfortable. Lord, your arm had hurt with every bounce of the horse, but Walls be damned if you were going to complain when people died regularly on these expeditions.

He released you from his arms onto the bed. Still leaning over, he looked into your eyes with a slight frown on his face. Your tired mind registered how magnetic he looked with his wind-blown hair and the intense look in his eyes.

“Stay here. I’ll be back.” He’d said, one rough hand brushing your hair back.

Your breath hitched at the unexpected touch, and you lost the sassy remark you had prepared for him to not worry about you. He must be extra sensitive about people getting hurt, understandably from all the losses he had suffered. _And yet he goes on_. The horrible creatures you had faced today made you unsure of your entire life experience to date. Your captain had seen that and so much worse. All his losses, all the pain and sorrow he must have endured, he shouldered stoically as he still strives to fight for humanity. You were more than in awe at this point.

This little crush of yours was becoming a problem, to say the least. You knew the Captain was known for not entertaining romantic advances. Your feelings would not be appreciated; you would do your best to reign it in. Things were so good the way it was, you could almost pretend you weren’t attracted to him. Almost. Sighing, stressed more by your heart than your arm, you patiently waited for Gino to come see you.

\---

Erwin was in a good mood during the debrief meeting with the Squad Leaders. Not a single life had been lost on this expedition. Although it was only a single-day trip, it was still a great feat. The last part of the meeting was dedicated to his decision regarding the medics.

“I think we can all see the clear benefits of an on-scene medical squad. I’ll be working on our new branch as soon as funding is approved.” Erwin stated at the head of the room.

“Did you see F/N take those abnormals down, though?” Hange said. “Using the titans as posts? Genius.”

“I am recruiting her ASAP for my squad.” Mike said determinedly.

“Two clean solo kills on her first outing, 6 months into training – definitely unusual.” Erwin agreed, eyes sparkling.

“We can agree that she would be a spectacular addition to our regiment for sure. I’m hoping she will stay with us. We should try to show her what we can offer by being here.” Hange said, looking pointedly over at Levi.

“And I’ll personally reprimand Eren for disobedience.” Erwin stepped up to save the boy from Levi. He scanned his captain’s face for any signs of dissent.

However, Levi was occupied with an internal crisis. Would you stay? Should he tell you not to stay? If you were going to stay, what did his opinion matter anyway? What was he to you? What were you to him? Wait, what about his decision to quash his feelings? A vortex of thoughts rattled in his brain.

He replayed the scene of you becoming enclosed in the titan’s fist, your determined gaze looking at the monster carved into his mind. His heart stuttered again. Then you had cut your own way out before he could do anything, saving yourself and everyone around you. _God,_ you were _so_ … 

“We should speak to L/N and Hansen separately and extend a formal invitation. I’ll get working on that once things settle. Meeting adjourned.” Erwin decided, throwing a glance again at Levi who had retracted into his own mind.

At that statement Levi stood up and left the room briskly. He strode towards the medical wards.

Erwin caught up to him in the hallway. “Levi.” _Damn the bastard and his long legs._ “She won’t run away just yet. Slow down.” He laughed a little, irritating Levi. He continued walking.

“I just, wanted to say…” Erwin hesitated, which distracted him for a short moment. Highly unusual. Levi faced him, arms crossed.

“I just wanted to tell back to you what you once told me. Make the decision you won’t regret. Preferably, the one that makes you and F/N both happy.”

“…”

Erwin clapped Levi on his shoulder, and turned away without another word. Damn this man, smiling like he knew something Levi didn’t. _I’ll try,_ he promised Erwin in his head. Something was changing inside him. He was afraid of screwing up, and wasn’t sure where this was headed, but he knew the first step would be seeing you.

\----

“Gino. Gin Gin. Just knock it into place. I’m fuggin… ready.” You slurred, laying a pitifully weak punch on Gino’s chest.

You were lying on the bed, cast placed on your broken right wrist, sling around the same shoulder. Gino had reduced your dislocation, a notoriously painful procedure. He had made sure you received a cocktail of painkillers and you were a tad out of it.

“F/N. I did it ten minutes ago.” Gino said patiently, holding your hand at his chest. He was circulating the ward to treat patients, and coming back to you in your quiet corner slot frequently to check in.

“Oh. Thank you doctor.” You said gratefully. “I wouldn’t be here without you.”

“You dislocated your shoulder, not your neck.” Gino said, amused.

“No. In general. I wouldn’t be here without you, Gino. Thank you for being my friend.” You said earnestly.

Gino paused. “Then be more careful, you gave me a heart attack. Keep the sling _on_. Now please, get in bed and stay in bed.” He tucked you in, ruffled your hair fondly, then closed the curtains to go see other patients.

You felt giddy. Kind of like when you were drunk, but more bubbly than sluggish. Now that you couldn’t feel the pain, you didn’t want to stay in bed, you wanted to go for a walk. _See the stars!_ You pulled off the pesky sling as you sat up.

\----

Levi waited until Hansen left to enter your curtains. He did not want an audience for the conversation he was about to initiate.

“How are you feeling?” He asked rather seriously, looking at the floor. _It could all end here,_ he thought.

There was no response from you. He looked up from his shoes. You were perched on the windowsill, looking out at the night sky. Hair loose, legs hanging out the window, curtains flowing around you – a little too carefree for someone on the second floor.

“Oi! Get back in!” Levi reached to pull you back in when you turned around precariously, holding on to the window frame with your free left hand. You agilely hopped onto the high bedside stool.

“What is going on with you – ” he started, then noticed your slightly unfocused eyes. _Oh._

“Captain!” You said with a bright, flushed smile, arms raised high in an enthusiastic welcome. Left arm significantly higher than the other due to the recent injury. No signs of pain though. Levi let out an incredulous huff.

“Tell Hansen I want a dose of whatever the hell you’re on.” He said, closing the window for good measure before turning to face you. Levi sighed. _I guess this talk isn’t happening tonight._

Still standing on the stool, you tried to take a step towards him onto thin air. He stepped forward to hold your legs so you wouldn’t fall.

“Jesus, F/N, would you please behave?” No response again.

He looked up and was silenced by your eyes. Warm, if he weren’t so unobjectively hopeful, he might have called them loving. You knelt down on the stool, your face still higher than his eye level, maintaining the eye contact that had his heart clenching at irregular intervals. His hands fell naturally at your waist. Your lips curved into an adoring smile. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling his head into your chest.

“You are such a good person.” You sighed above his head. Your left thumb was stroking the back of his head gently. Your casted right forearm hugged his back close. Your scent, so familiar and calming, was all around.

You relaxed your hold slightly to look down at him. “Did you know that?” You whispered, tilting your head. _Maybe I don’t need that dose of whatever after all_ , he thought, feeling a little lightheaded.

Placing a hand against his cheek, a dreamy sigh passed between your lips. He was mesmerized by your touch, your expression, your half-lidded brown eyes moving down his features. Your hand on his cheek moved to smooth his bangs back. Levi closed his eyes automatically.

“And so very pretty.” Before he could process what had been said, you kissed his forehead affectionately, pulling your lips away with an audible sound.

“Goodnight.” You chastely patted his head as if he were five years old. Leaving him frozen to the spot, you climbed into bed and rolled over, completely content with your actions.

Levi stood there, stunned. He felt an unfamiliar heat prickling in his ears. The monologue he had prepared had long left his head, along with all reasoning. There would be no conversation, there was no going back. There was no question about where he wanted to go from here.

He was completely, utterly, and absolutely – _fucked._


	9. IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your actions last night, both you and the Captain are left to process your emotions. Then unexpected encounter by moonlight throws a wrench into your plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for still reading this piece! I've started wrapping up the plot in my head. I estimate we are just over half the way there. I want to follow up with a bunch of epilogues, so if you have any suggestions for those (events, POVs, side character relationships) please feel free to add those in the comments! As always, thank you for reading, commenting, and kudo-ing. I hope you are all well during these weird times.

You remembered everything.

You would think that as drugged up as you were, your brain would do you the sweet release of deleting your horrifying actions last night. But no, everything was still there in your memory. You rolled in the bed, groaning loudly. A nurse came by, asking if you needed more pain relief.

“ _God_ no. I’ll just die of pain next time.” You despaired, mumbling your muffled reply into your pillow.

Your encounter with the Captain played over and over in your head. Quite _literally_ the same night you had decided to give up on your crush. You being ridiculous. Hugging him, petting his face, and touching his hair. Telling him you thought he was pretty. Finally, planting one on his forehead. You recalled the Captain’s shocked face after your little performance.

You knelt solemnly in your bed. _Dear Maria, I believe it is time for me to leave this earth._ Jean’s dramatic flair was starting to rub off on you, but the sentiment was genuine.

\----

Breakfast was lively. Having the full brigade return was an unprecedented occurrence, and spirits were high. Oluo spotted their captain walking in the hall.

“Hey Cap!” He yelled, jokingly throwing a baked potato at him to catch.

It hit Levi square in the face. The hall fell silent. Mike choked on his oatmeal.

All eyes on him, Levi crisply pulled off his cravat, maintaining a blank expression. He wiped the potato bits off his face with it, and walked straight back out.

“I hit the Captain with a potato…” Oluo stood in a daze, as the rest of the Levi squad patted him on the back, some amused, some concerned. None of them had expected the Captain to just get hit.

Erwin raised his eyebrows at the scene, making eye contact with Hange.

\----

Levi retreated to his office. He was so distracted, it would be safer for him to confine himself. He dropped onto his rarely used couch, letting himself slump against the arm of the furniture and putting his feet up – shoes off, of course.

For him, there was no more doubt regarding you. The fire in your eyes when you told him about your sister. The way his heart stopped when you were in danger. How relieved he was when you fought your way out – and how he had kind of found the fact you could handle yourself so attractive despite the messed-up situation. Your inner strength shrouded by your endearing exterior. The way he had felt when you held him in your arms. He couldn’t find the words to do the feeling justice. Without the usual mental block in place, he could go on and on.

He thought about last night’s events for the millionth time.

 _You are such a good person._ His chest began to heat up.

 _And so very pretty._ Your unintentionally seductive whisper.

The little peck on his forehead. 

The back of his neck felt hot. He roughly rubbed his undercut and only succeeded in making a bigger area warm. He knew where he wanted to go. What he wanted to know was _how_ to get there. You would probably need to take time off assistant duty to let your arm heal. How would he get the chance to see you? How would he be able to express to you what you had become to him?

He heard heavy footsteps in the hallway. Definitely not you.

“It’s me.” Erwin walked in without waiting for him to answer, holding a tray in his hands and a folder under his arm. “Since your assistant is out of commission, I thought I would fill in.”

He invited himself onto the space left on the couch at Levi’s feet, dropping the folder onto the low table.

“I also brought you breakfast.” The tray in his outstretched hands held oatmeal and fruit. “No potato though, thought you might have had enough of those today.” Erwin was smiling widely. He put the tray down on top of the folder.

 _Shitty Erwin._ Levi rolled his eyes at the obvious jab.

“I wanted to ask how things went yesterday after you thundered off to the wards.” Erwin persisted despite the other man’s silent guard.

Levi was taken aback. Erwin was never one to dig into personal affairs, and this was _very_ personal.

“If you think I’m going to sit here and _share my feelings_ we might need a new commander, because you’re losing your goddamn mind.” He snapped.

“If you think you can walk around getting hit by potatoes and not draw my attention we might need a new captain.” Erwin coolly countered. “I need you sharp, Levi, you know that.”

Levi knew he had lost this battle. He broke eye contact and interlaced his fingers primly on his stomach.

Erwin softened a bit, leaning back into the couch and closing his eyes. He let out a tired breath. “But I also want you to be human. One man giving up on that is enough in this regiment.”

A short silence followed.

Levi thought of Erwin’s face all those months ago, when he had smiled at your antics in the mess hall. When you and Gino treated them in Erwin’s office, and he had made you laugh. His intuition was telling him something he didn’t like at all – but it was also telling him that Erwin intended to never act on it. He wondered if he would have been able to be so level-headed in Erwin’s position. _Probably not_.

Levi had long suspected Erwin had an off switch that most people were not born with, that allowed him to run on pure logic alone. There was a good reason this man was Commander, good reason Levi trusted him to make every decision out on expeditions. He had come to greatly respect Erwin as a Commander – and begrudgingly, as a friend.

For the first time, Levi was sad for him. You added so much to his life, emotions he hadn’t even been aware existed blooming with every encounter. To think there would come a day where someone would be as important to Levi as saving humanity itself, he couldn’t have imagined it. He wished his friend would get to experience the feeling, but it was also true that right now, humanity needed Erwin this way. Needed him to sacrifice feeling something as unimaginably _big_ as Levi’s feelings for you. _What a shitty world._

“You’re going to find someone.” Levi said flatly, surprising even himself. “Rather, someone will find you. Someone that makes you feel like you might be able to give up on even _your_ messed-up ambitions.”

“And that is precisely why I can’t do myself such favours at this time.” Erwin said lightly, getting up. “You, however, have this chance. Don’t miss it.”

Erwin continued while walking to the door. “You need to tell her what you just told me, Levi. Unlike you, most people don’t communicate by glances and intuition.” He left after giving Levi a meaningful look over his shoulder.

“…I know.” Levi said, only after the door closed.

\----

That night, you were walking outside headquarter buildings to get your mind off recent events. All of your friends had come by to check in throughout the day. Eren in particular had been overrun with guilt, dropping tears at your bedside and apologizing repeatedly for putting you in danger. You were sure you would not have been upset with him regardless, but the huge distraction that was last night certainly kept your mind off the near-death encounter.

The captain could fire you. He might just choose to never speak with you again. You were upset, but who could blame him after you had full-on _assaulted_ him? You would be lucky if he didn’t report you to the Commander. You groaned again in embarrassment and crouched down on the grass.

Whatever happens later, you had to apologize. You got up to continue your walk. You spotted a sleek black cat on an empty cart, sleeping in the moonlight. Somehow the kitty reminded you of the Captain.

\----

Levi left the building to get away from people. He had been in his office drinking his self-brewed peppermint tea, but had received a long line of visitors tonight and absolutely could not take another. He had the gargantuan task of translating the feeling in his chest into words for you, and he had no idea where to start.

As he approached the stables, he saw a figure by the carts. His eyes narrowed, about to bring down hell on the cadet scuttling around after hours. He paused when he saw the person was trying to coax a cat to come closer. The dark shadow seemed to sense a presence and turned around, revealing to Levi that the person was you. He stopped and took a moment to prepare for the encounter. Unfortunately, you looked up at him for a split second, then looked quickly back to the cat. Then you began stiffly walking off around the corner, breaking into a little jog.

You were avoiding him.

He hesitated for a second, then rushed after you. He caught up with you easily behind the building, acting on instinct and using his forearms to trap you against the wall. You turned to face him while avoiding eye contact, looking embarrassed and _absolutely adorable._

_Use your goddamn words, Levi._

“Hi.” He said breathlessly. _Very smooth._ Maybe he _should_ have braved eternal shame and pressed Erwin for the right words. Erwin could probably vomit up romance no problem.

“Nnrh.” You made a sound, clearly as flustered as he was. He relaxed a little, eyes closing in relief of just being in your presence again. How he would proceed from here, though, was another matter altogether.

\----

When you thought you had finally gotten the cat to warm up to you, you felt someone’s eyes on your back. You turned around, poised to fight or take off depending on how close the person was.

It was the Captain. And you were not ready for this discussion. Pretending not to have seen him, you turned back to the cat, who was looking at you and blinking slowly with its somehow familiar grey eyes.

“I’m sorry kitty, we’d just made friends too.”

You stood up to nonchalantly walk away from the scene. You sped up, trying to get back to your dorm before he noticed who you were. You had barely turned the corner when his hand hit the wall in front of you, causing you to dig your heels in to stop your momentum. _How did he get here so damn fast?_

Sighing for the dozenth time tonight, you braced yourself as you turned to face him. This was happening, you would have to own up to your crimes.

He was much closer than you had expected. The moonlight reflected his grey eyes into sparkling silver, and they were looking straight at you. He was dressed smartly in black slacks and a white button-down that showed off his arms. His chest was moving out with every inhale, slightly breathless from catching up. _So beautiful_. You began to feel warm and reckless again even without the medications from last night. You snapped yourself out of appreciating his face. _You already assaulted him, and if you do it again that will definitely be criminal._

“Hi.” He said suddenly, breaking your stampede of thoughts.

“Nnrh.” You said, the panicked sound leaving your throat before you had the chance to think of an intelligent response. _Great, now he’s going to think I’m a criminal_ and _stupid._

Then, you saw the tension leave his shoulders. You thought you saw him smile a little. He didn’t seem as angry as you had expected.

\-----

Levi leaned against the wall while you seated yourself on the low stone fence across from him. The black cat from earlier had come to sit by you, purring sleepily against the side of your thigh. Strange, as he thought he recognized it as the cat that had tried to shred the cadets’ hands during field training.

Both of you were avoiding eye contact. He was looking at the stars, you were looking at the cat. Despite that, the comfortable silence he had become accustomed to with you was present in the air.

“I am so sorry.” You started softly. “Sexual harassment is no joke, and being medicated is no excuse for doing that to someone without consent. I’m really, really sorry.” You looked at the dark grass in shame, both cheeks red with raging embarrassment.

 _Sexual harassment?_ Levi’s eyebrows raised, and he held back a laugh. He had not been expecting the conversation to go in this direction. _This girl will be the end of me._

“I forgive you.” He said easily.

“You shouldn’t forgive me like that, you’re being too nice. If you want to fire me or report me I completely understand.” You said, clearly feeling guilty and certain you had upset him somehow.

 _Incredible._ The unchecked emotions he had been feeling since last night flooded his consciousness. Did you really think he disliked what had happened? He felt heat spreading from his chest.

“Then forgive me instead.”

“What?” You looked up in surprise, to see him closing the distance between you with purposeful strides.

Levi felt his actions in slow motion, like his mind wanted to savour every moment.

His hands reached for you, one on your neck and the other on your cheek. _Warm and soft._

His forehead met yours. _Warm and soft._

Your eyes widened and met his, eyelashes fluttering in bewilderment. Noses kissed for a fraction of a second, his hair tickled the bridge of your nose. He angled his head and leaned in, his gentle breath faintly smelling of peppermint flowing across your face. His lips pressed into your temple, curving into a smile against your skin. His eyes closed, his heart at peace for the first time all day. You were here. It just felt so right.

_Warm and soft._


	10. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes, your romantic life is heating up, but so is your professional one! You and Gino are officially invited to head the medical division of the Survey Corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m actually super happy to see people are still liking the story! I was worried that the pace would be too slow, but glad to see there are fellow slow-burn fans out there It will come to fruition eventually, I promise, I just like the relationship and characters to fill out before I let anything happen… No pain no gain, especially in the world of romance, in my humble opinion. That being said, if you have feedback on the story, things you would like to see, suggestions, etc, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment! 
> 
> I’m starting to recognize some of your usernames - you guys know yourselves. Please know I look forward to your comments every time I post. :) 
> 
> To thank you, I will actually be putting up TWO tonight, I got on a roll after reading all your nice comments. Check back in one minute!! Love you guys. Thanks for your support.

You stopped breathing the moment his hands touched you. His lips touched the place just beside the end of your brow. You felt like your entire body was focused on that one spot. You felt his touch fall away, the cool night air taking its warmth faster than you liked.

“Are you upset with me?” He asked, his still-close face giving nothing away.

“Ah, um. _Haah –_ uh, no.” You stuttered, trying to get a good breath in. You were reeling, and the lack of oxygen in the past twenty seconds was not doing you any favours. Your face felt like a furnace.

“I’m not either.” A soft smile lit up his face.

It was the first time you had seen such an expression, and you allowed yourself a few moments to take it in. His pale skin was almost translucent in the silver light, his fine dark hair blowing across his forehead in the breeze. And his eyes. You couldn’t look away if you tried. It was actually unfair how beautiful he was, especially when you were trying to get over him.

You were disappointed when he backed away, removing his hands from your face. _Control yourself_ , you chided, ashamed at your desire for him to stay close. _Cool down, cool down…_

“Let’s get you in bed.” And your face exploded in heat again. Thankfully, he was looking towards the buildings.

“Dorm or wards? I’ll walk you.” _Oh._ You were intractable. More shame.

He walked on ahead, and gave you a look over his shoulder. His hair gleamed in the moonlight. The walk back was silent. At the door, he paused.

“Come to my office tomorrow night. I want to talk to you.”

You nodded. He smiled. _That must be the third time tonight._ You tried to commit his smiling face to memory. 

\----

Back in his office, Levi leaned against the door, emotionally drained. He had not yet communicated his feelings in so many words. But you should know by now that he wasn’t upset with you at all, right? Quite the opposite.

He knew you didn’t _dislike_ him based on your relationship to date. Your reaction tonight gave him hope that he might be able to get you to fall for him, too. He recalled your surprised expression as he leaned in – how he would have loved it if you had smiled up at him instead. He imagined you putting your arms around him at that moment and felt his heart squeeze. _I’ll make it happen_ , he thought.

\----

On the other side of the building, you were also unable to fall asleep. You laid on top of your covers, feeling too warm to use your blankets. The captain had kissed your face.

The way you saw it, there were three viable explanations.

One. He was being sweet in his own weird way, getting even so that you wouldn’t have to worry about your previous misdemeanor against him. This was the most likely possibility to you, based on his considerate but strange nature.

Two. He wanted to get revenge. Also possible, as the man _is_ kind of socially challenged. Not that it worked as you enjoyed it far too much for it to be any kind of punishment.

And then there was a very small, very unlikely, very hopeful third explanation that he was at least a little bit attracted to you. _Wouldn’t that be nice?_ You waved the thought out of your mind. You weren’t about to start fantasizing like some teenage girl, no matter how much you might want to.

There was no point in guessing at his enigmatic thoughts, you would just have to see how tomorrow’s meeting went. He didn’t seem upset with you so you were much more at ease. His smile and soft expression floating behind your eyelids, you slowly fell asleep.

\----

You and Gino were summoned to the conference room in the early morning by the Commander. Captain Levi and Section Commander Hange sat on either side of him. It felt very official, unlike most of your previous meetings. You and Gino sat facing them across the spacious conference table, two pieces of paper placed in front of you.

“As I’m sure you’re aware, your presence at the last expedition saved lives. I’m very happy with the results.” The Commander seemed to be in a good mood.

“I’ll get straight to the point – I want to start working on a medical branch of our regiment. The members would be proficient in ODM gear, every bit a scout, but well-versed in medicine and responsible for treatment of patients during the expeditions.”

At this, Erwin gestured towards you two. “As you two already are. You’ve more than proved yourselves by this point. It would be a great asset to have you lead its formation if you are willing. I have the papers to authorize your entry into the Regiment if you would be so kind to continue to honour us with your capable presence.”

Hange continued. “If you choose to stay, and I hope you will, you’ll be promoted to co-section commanders to lead the medical squad as well as the wards. A bonus is that you’ll see a lot more of me!”

 _And Captain Levi_. He was looking at you with a neutral expression, leaned back in his chair, legs crossed, one ankle over his other knee. _He’s in a good mood. Definitely better than the baseline scowl,_ you thought, a little amused at how well you had gotten to known him.

You turned to Gino, who was already looking at you.

“I’m inclined to accept.” Gino said carefully, searching your face for signs of disagreement.

“I am as well.” You said, smiling at Gino to put him at ease. Knowing his background, you had known he would accept – he was probably worried about putting pressure on you.

“Excellent. Let’s get these papers in, then we can discuss a time for a meeting to formalize your positions.” Erwin said, standing up to push the papers closer to you. “We’ll probably have to make a trip to the inner walls to appeal for funding as well after things proceed.”

Moving your casted right arm aside, you awkwardly tried to fill in the form with your left hand. Then, the paper was snatched away before you could complete past the first line. Looking up, you found Captain Levi had moved into the seat beside you, and was filling in your information on the sheet with his elegant writing. He waved the mostly-filled paper toward you, his head propped up by his hand on the table.

“Ready to sign your life away?” He asked. You might have imagined a hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. The mischievous glint in his eyes made it feel like you were signing your life away to _him_.

“…Yes.” You answered, suppressing a grin. No need to share your extrapolations with the room. 

“You have to sign this, that’s one part I can’t do for your currently useless self.” Captain Levi said, flattening out the sheet in front of you.

Neither of you noticed the other three people in the room, each observing your interaction with a different reaction.

Erwin was inwardly smiling at Levi’s novel behaviour – uncharacteristically playful, borderline flirtatious. He probably didn’t even realize it, and he would jump to deny it if called out. Erwin smiled just a little _outwardly_ while imagining this scene.

Hange thought that the fact he knew your birthday off the top of his head was incredibly sweet. She was writing the best-woman speech in her head, attributing the union to herself, of course.

Gino observed _you_. He was surprised by the captain's barely-concealed kindness, but even more surprised by how you seemed completely _un_ surprised. You even leaned into the situation, apparently used to this kind of teasing from the notoriously apathetic Captain. He had been under the impression you found him difficult and hard to approach – perhaps he had read the situation wrong.

You signed your paper clumsily, not noticing Gino’s gaze on your profile.


	11. XI - An Aside: Gino's Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little peek into you and Gino's history. What he was thinking all those years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the promised second chapter of the night! 
> 
> I love when there are POVs for different characters. I feel like it gives the readers some insight into why the characters act the way that they do. It gives them depth. I'll say it right now, I have a soft spot for Gino. I mostly wrote this one because he's the only OC I introduced other than the reader - we have less background on him than the rest of the already-established characters, and I think he deserves it. I daresay you will develop a soft spot for him as well once you read this. :) I'm really excited to have you guys read this one. Thank you for reading! I hope you have a good night.

Gino remembered first seeing you at fifteen years old. It was his first month into the medical training stream in the academy, and the days had flown by with orientation and introductory lectures. He had met most of his classmates. Girls had been particularly kind to him, a perk he had grown to take for granted since he hit his growth spurt. With the Hansen family name it had been quite easy to befriend multiple groups of people with similarly wealthy backgrounds. Not that it had been his scene. He had always been more introverted, a black sheep in his family full of social butterflies. It was his parents’ long-time mission to bring him out of his shell, one he tried his best to cooperate with.

He took refuge in the basement of the history library. Most medical students studied in the newer science building, so he made it a habit to take his books as far away as possible from there. After a few weeks, he noticed someone was there regularly as well – someone from his program, based on the familiar textbook she was using. He grimaced a little at the thought of the girl recognizing him. As if she had read his mind, she looked up from her book to see him at the foot of the stairs. Then she looked down, apparently disinterested. Maybe she didn’t recognize him, after all. He sat at his usual seat and read his book. When the girl left hours later, he found himself looking at her tip-toe up the stairs.

The next morning, he looked for her in the lecture hall. Sure enough, she was there. Eyes met again. This time, her gaze lingered, and she gave a small smile before looking away. He didn’t even have the chance to smile back.

Months went by as Gino observed her at the periphery of his life. The girl had a couple friends she sat with. She didn’t like to stand out in class. She was smart based on the class rankings posted every quarter, always in the top 5. She had very neat writing, judging by her notes he had glimpsed while walking by her table at the library. If he had to judge her appearance, she was rather his type. Sometimes, if they made eye contact, she would smile at him. He liked her smile.

When he turned 16, his family threw him a large birthday party. Four hours he spent pretending to love the attention. Pretending to entertain his classmates’ advances. Pretending so he could keep up the Hansen reputation. Eventually he excused himself sick and found himself going to the familiar history library. He needed to sit in silence for a while.

She was there, studying a diagram by candlelight. He must have looked ridiculous standing there in his tuxedo and no books, but she smiled up at him like usual when he came down to the otherwise empty floor. Nonplussed by his attire, she returned her attention to her notes. There was silence.

Gino then made a decision he would later call life-changing. He walked past his usual seat, and took the chair across from her. This is the kind of decision a normal Hansen would make, not Gino – but he made it anyway, without anyone but her there to witness it. The girl’s head lifted in surprise, and she blinked once.

“Hi.” She said, a little taken aback. He liked her voice.

“Hi.” Gino said, an easy, genuine smile spreading on his face for the first time that evening.

The atmosphere was comforting. The unpopular library basement was a blessing in disguise. Over the weeks he became close to the girl. He could stay silent with her for hours. More surprisingly, he could _talk_ with her for hours as well. From then on the girl became _you_ – special and irreplaceable.

\----

At seventeen you two entered the hospitals. It was a fresh hell, even for students who had been used to studying well into the night. He rarely had a full night’s sleep, or even a full meal. He found solace in the occasional lunch break he would take with you. His louder, more boisterous friends had naturally fallen away as everyone’s friend groups were whittled down to the bare essentials due to the time restraint. His was you.

You turned eighteen together. One day, he came to meet you at the courtyard to see you awkwardly turning down a lunch invitation from a man.

“New boyfriend?” He joked, walking up.

“Ha ha.” You said sarcastically. “Like you had girlfriends.” You pulled out a chair for him beside you.

“Four.” He said matter-of-fact as he sat down.

“Four? Four?! How come I haven’t met them?” You challenged.

“It was before we were really friends. Or not really worth mentioning.” Gino remembered his past girlfriends. If he could even call them that. They had either been introduced to him through their families, or he had just given in to a particularly persistent admirer, only to cut things off a few months later when they realized he wasn’t _the_ Hansen they had come to expect.

“What about you?”

“Half? If you count the guy I went on dates with for a couple months.” You said, biting into your sandwich.

“You could have had more if you knew how to say yes to a date.” Gino said, referring to the people you had turned down over the years.

“I know how to say yes! I just don’t want to.” You huffed. “Dating is… not something essential, I think. If it happens it happens, but I won’t see people I don’t like all that much just for the sake of dating. I have high standards, and I’m happy with the people I have in my life right now. That includes you.”

You continued eating as if you hadn’t just rattled him to the core. He was important to you. You considered him, without the Hansen suffix, of significant value in your life.

“And now we’re too busy to even eat properly, much less date.” You sighed, dramatically laying a hand over your forehead.

He smiled. He hoped your relationship could stay like this forever, easy and genuine.

\----

Soon after his nineteenth birthday, Wall Maria fell. When news reached the inner walls, chaos ensued. People tried to ensure their family and friends’ wellbeing, and for some, tried to recover their financial investments.

When he heard that his family’s carts were one of the first to make it back, he was confused. Weren’t there still a lot of people stuck there? How did his family’s jewellery business get their merchandise back before people? It did not take much longer for him to learn that this world really, truly operated on power and financial gain above all else. He was devastated to know his family had been a part of the elite voices pushing to get their investments through before the refugee carts. Watching his parents oversee the merchandise come back to his mansion, discussing how upset they were that a small portion was unable to pass through the gates, he felt disgusted with himself. How did he not recognize his privilege all these years? How did his parents not see that there were people being eaten in exchange for one of their carts of shiny rocks?

It was a month before you showed up at his house, demanding to know why he hadn’t been showing up to work. It was you who had held him as he came to terms with his place in this world. You who had been there to help him decide that he was not what his last name had meant him to be. When he returned to the hospital, he was a new person. He dropped the social pretense. He moved out of his home and refused support from his parents.

In a few years, when the medical sector director put yours and his names on the list for trial Survey Corps enrolment, he felt like this was his chance. He didn’t want you to feel pressured, but he was glad when you decided to come as well. You could do this together.

\----

When you became Captain Levi’s doctor for his sleep issues, Gino had been concerned. He knew the man was not known for being pleasant, and had heard he could be quite nasty at times. After he filled in for you as the captain’s assistant a couple times, Gino was a little reassured. The man was quiet, but Gino was no stranger to that. There were no temper swings or transgressions of manner. He actually rather liked him.

During the last training exercise before the expedition, he had carried you through the woods. You had of course felt bad, and tried to make up for it by doing most of the work at the campsite. He loved that about you, how you cared about causing the smallest of inconveniences. He wished you wouldn’t with him, though. At night when you fell asleep behind his back, he rolled around to look at your face. You snuggled into his warm arms, holding his shirt. He pulled the cloak over you, putting his arm around your back.

When you had been worried you smelled after your return, he realized you were worried because you had ridden back on the captain’s horse. He didn’t really know why he felt like he wanted you to focus on him at that moment, but he did. He held your shoulders and leaned in, taking in your scent that didn’t hold any reason for concern.

The expedition into titan territory had been everything he had expected and more. For a split second he thought the worst when he saw the steaming titans on the ground. He found you quickly, in Captain Levi’s arms. The captain’s face had been stormy, all kinds of fear, worry, and some heated emotion swirling in his eyes. He held you the whole trip back, and put you into bed himself. Gino had also been worried – but he questioned the depth of the captain’s emotions. Why was this man so intense about you?

He already knew the answer to that question. Captain Levi was uninterested in most things. But he was interested in you. Gino was still coming to terms with how that made him feel. However, it was much more important to him how that made _you_ feel.

He couldn’t really describe what you were to him. You were his _person_. Whatever you needed him to be, a friend, a brother, lover – he would become that for you. You were an independent person who didn’t give your heart out lightly. If you wanted Captain Levi, Gino would gladly step aside, given the man pass, and continue to pass, some standard checks.

\----

From the seat next to you, Gino watched Captain Levi hand you the papers, a warmth in his usually chilly grey eyes. You had a little smile on your face, eyes crinkling in amusement as you took the papers. Gino had a feeling – a feeling that he would need to start getting used to seeing you be happier with someone other than himself.

And he wouldn’t mind. He would make it. As long as you were happy.


	12. XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet the Captain in his office for a talk. You're nervous about your apology, he's nervous for different reasons. Will he finally be able to share his feelings for you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a great week! Thanks for all the Gino love, he's a good man and he really deserves the best :') I was happy that you guys feel similarly.
> 
> Here is the long-awaited portion of the story. I was thinking "FINALLY" as I was writing this one haha. I couldn't find a good place to cut the flow, which is how we ended up with this chonker of a chapter. I don't think you guys will mind though :) As always, thank you for reading. I read every single one of your comments! I hope you enjoy this sweet chapter.

You spent the whole day nervous about meeting Captain Levi. He might not be upset with you per se, but he had strict boundaries, and no doubt you had leapt over many of them in the past few days.

You had decided on a couple things. First, you would apologize formally again. Second, you would never speak of your feelings for him, nor act on them, ever again. You hoped to salvage the friendly relationship you had built over the months. It would be enough to see him around, healthy, well, and not avoiding you once you started working with the Survey Corps. Hopefully, over time your admiration would fade into something more platonic. You put your hands over your chest to calm yourself down before heading to his room.

\----

Levi spent the day rehearsing what exactly he needed to say to you. It was already after dinnertime, and he was undecided on the best way to approach this topic. It was already dark when Levi heard your footsteps outside his office. He opened the door to let you in before you knocked.

“Hi.” He thought you seemed a little nervous. Probably not as nervous as he was, though.

“Come in.” He gestured towards the couches. He watched as you stiffly sat down on the larger couch, and made his way over to the other end of the chaise. You fiddled with the end of your jacket and looked up at him apprehensively. He hoped he could get this right. Taking a deep breath, he started the conversation.

“I don’t really know where to start with this.” He took another breath. “I think it’s fair to say that recent events have… changed the tone of our relationship.” He found himself avoiding eye contact. “And I have a very screwed-up approach to relationships.”

You looked confused. You probably weren’t expecting him to go on about himself this way, but he needed you to have some context for the way he was feeling.

“I tend to mess up a lot of relations with the way I act. How could I expect someone to want to be close when I can’t protect anyone in my life? From my mother, to my friends, to my subordinates, I couldn’t protect them. I understand needing distance to think clearly, to protect yourself from more loss. Even more so for someone unworthy like me, I don’t deserve to-”

“Why do you say that?” He finally looked up at your voice. Your lips trembled, an unhappy frown on your face. Your eyes were turning red, like you were about to cry.

Did he upset you somehow? Already? He hadn’t even gotten to the main part?

\----

You couldn’t believe him. Here you were, expecting to discuss you assaulting him, hoping to keep at least the professional relationship alive, and he seemed to be trying to cut you off in a very roundabout way. Understandable, except his reasoning was unacceptable to you. This is how he viewed himself? He was going to blame himself for the way things turned out with you? You were pissed beyond belief.

_Fuck it._

If this bridge was going to burn anyway, you might as well say what you had on your mind.

“Why do you think you don’t deserve good things? The way I see it, all you do is give. You give yourself to the cause of saving humanity. You give yourself to the people around you. You’re so much kinder than you see yourself and I know everyone knows that. The Commander. Hange. Your squad. Even the cadets!”

Now you were just as angry as you were sad. “And you don’t let anyone close enough to give anything back to you.” A surprising volume of tears flowed down your cheeks. “That’s... So … Unfair!” You said between upset breaths. 

Lips slightly parted, eyes widened, he looked stunned. He still looked beautiful in the candlelight. Your heart ached. You would probably never see him like this again after this interaction.

_If this is the last time, I’m going to tell him everything._

“I care about you a lot, Captain Levi.” Your quiet voice rang between you. You couldn’t really see his reaction – your vision was blurred with tears.

He didn’t respond. You felt like you had only a few seconds left before his cold rejection broke your heart into pieces, so you let the words spill out of your mouth unfiltered.

“I know you don’t… appreciate these kinds of feelings. I wanted to tell you anyway. I already know you don’t feel the same way and you don’t even have to answer me.” You took a shaky breath. “I just want you to know I think you’re wonderful. Over the past few months I feel like I got to know you at least a little bit, and I strongly disagree with how you see yourself. You’re one of the most honorable and kind people I have ever met. You deserve everything you want in life. You deserve to want more!” You bit your lip to unsuccessfully stop it from trembling.

“I’m just so… so... pissed you think of yourself like that! I’m so pissed because _I like you so much!_ ”

\----

Levi was dumbfounded. You had somehow gravely misunderstood the circumstances. His mind could only form stuttered thoughts, let alone words to rectify this situation.

First of all, you liked him? Enough to cry over the intensity of your emotions. He had been expecting to make things awkward with his confession, and appeal for your affections over the time you would be working together. But once again, you surprised him.

What’s more, you had beat him to the punch _again_.

Despite this being the ideal scenario, he had somehow made you cry. A lot.

He was still stuck on the words you had spoken, telling him you liked him.

In conclusion, he was frozen, and had no idea what to do.

He had to do _something_ or things were going to get worse _._ He moved to your side, hands awkwardly flitting around your back.

“Please… Please don’t cry.” That made you cry harder, sobs shaking your shoulders. Damn it _,_ he couldn’t get anything right. “F/N. Please. Look at me.”

He gently removed your hands from your face, and held your face up. Your eyes were tearful and your nose was red. He felt terrible for thinking this, but you were so _pretty_ even when you were sad. Shaking himself free of his reprehensible thoughts, he asked a question to try and get you coherent again.

“What exactly did you think I wanted to talk about tonight?”

“My… My assault on you in the ward when I was on meds… I was going to apologize properly… But you’re probably going to want a restraining order now…”

He held back a laugh. He was a terrible person, he would just have to accept it. You were still going on about harassing him.

“Actually I was going to say, before I was interrupted… Even though I don’t deserve it –” He paused at the pout on your face. “ _Despite_ that, I selfishly want to keep you close.” Your eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. He was going to have to use better words. He needed you to understand.

“I wanted to tell you tonight I’ve been developing feelings for you. I probably like you even more than I realize.” Levi carefully chose the words. He wanted no further confusion surrounding how he felt about you. He smiled, brushing the hair stuck to your wet cheeks back. He had wanted to do that for so long.

“But you beat me to it like usual. I hope this won’t become a habit between us.” His own voice sounded foreign to his ears. He had no idea he was capable of sounding so tender.

“You... like me?” You sniffled, incredulous.

“Yes.”

“After _this_ do you still like me?”

“Yes.”

“Even though I kissed you before without permission?”

“If you had asked I would have said _God_ , yes please.”

You let out a wet giggle, sobs calming down. He hesitantly pulled you into his arms. He heard you sniffle and hiccup next to his ear.

“I really, really, like you.” Your arms wrapped around his back.

A foreign feeling spread throughout him – he felt warm and hot at the same time. Happy but somehow close to tears. Afraid and protective. Lightheaded but grounded.

“I want you to be happy with me. I _will_ keep you safe.” He said to himself as much as to you.

“Then _I’ll_ have to keep _you_ happy and safe.” You said, tears still in your voice.

Levi was about to burst from the emotions he was experiencing. He could just turn his head and give you a kiss – _Wait_. _Am I allowed to do that?_ He had no experience in this department. You had just shared your feelings for each other. Could he now act on those feelings? What were the rules for this? His mind came to at the soft feeling on his cheek. He flushed brighter than he ever had. Did you just kiss his cheek while he was overthinking like an inept brat half his age? Beaten _again_.

“You can’t do this to me.” He groaned, pinching his nose.

\----

“Oh! Sorry!” You stumbled backwards.

“No! Wait.” His head snapped up. He rushed to hold both your hands in his. His eyebrows pinched in the middle in stress.

You smiled at how frantic he looked. You knew he didn’t mean the words the way they sounded. His expression relaxed into a sheepish one.

“I’m not… good with words.”

“Really?” You cocked your head to the side sarcastically. He clicked his tongue at your tone, half amused, half exasperated. At least you weren’t crying anymore.

“…If I ever run my mouth in a way that upsets you, tell me. I’m thick in that aspect.” He looked down at your joined hands, long eyelashes curtaining down.

“I predict the issue will be you not talking enough, actually.” You loved that he was considerate, but you wanted to hear what he was thinking – he was mysterious enough as is. “I want you to say what’s on your mind. Otherwise, how will I know? We now know how prone I am to misunderstandings.” You gave him a small smile.

His eyes remained on your face. He seemed to be thinking about something. You felt awkward, your face was tear-stained and probably blotchy.

“Well then…” You moved to step away. You felt like you had taken up his entire evening, he probably had work to do. You would think about how you were going to act around him tomorrow in the safety of your blankets.

“Come here.” He said, sitting on the bigger couch and tugging on your hands. “Stay a little.” His eyes were imploring, having lost all traces of their typical hard edge.

Butterflies exploded in your stomach. _I guess he’s taking my advice starting right now,_ you thought. Who would have expected he would be so good at this? How did this perfect man not have a line of girlfriends to date?

“Only if you tell me about yourself.” You bargained, sitting closer to him than he intended.

You learned more about Levi more in the next few hours than you had in months. In his terse words, he described growing up in the Underground. His mother passing away when he was too young to understand, let alone help. Meeting Kenny, and being abandoned by him all over again. Building his own family with other lost kids in the run-down city. Erwin coercing him to come above ground, and somehow ending up staying by him all these years despite their less-than-positive first intentions with one another. Losing his friends on his first expedition. You were once again in awe of all that he had been through. More tears escaped down your cheeks when you imagined little Levi alone in the darkness. How bright that boy had ended up despite his hopeless situation, becoming a shining light for humanity. You tried to swallow the fresh wave of hot tears in your throat. You wished you could have been there for him then.

\----

He didn’t like talking about himself, but you had wanted to hear about his childhood and his friends. Your quiet questions made him continue talking. At some point during the long conversation you had leaned against his shoulder, with him relaxed back against the sofa arms. As the hours went on you became almost horizontal on the couch with his arm around you, snuggled between his side and the back of the sofa. He craned his neck to lean it on your head. _Soft_.

He could tell you had been crying and laughing through his story, and it made him feel uncomfortable and happy at the same time. He wasn’t accustomed to sharing himself with others and having them empathize so deeply. No one had cared about him like you did, and he had not cared about anyone in this way before you.

“They would have liked you.” He said, thinking of Farlan and Isabel. “Farlan, maybe a little too much.” His eyebrows furrowed a little bit, thinking of his affable late friend. You laughed and looked up at his face.

“I think I would have liked them, but I definitely would have liked you best regardless.” You said, reaching over to hold his hand that was resting on his abdomen. He liked that. His fingers moved to interlace with yours. A pleasant sensation tickled from the webs of his fingers where you touched him.

Levi didn’t like physical contact. In the Underground, it had felt dirty – physical distance was key to avoiding germs as well as conflict. Once above ground, it was a matter of emotional distancing. He couldn’t recall the last time he had spent this long physically connected to another person. In fact, he couldn’t recall being this close, and yet somehow wanting to be closer, ever. He rolled over just a little to see your face better. You were very close.

You blinked a few times, your gaze bashful but accommodating. The tips of your ears were already pink. _Closer._ The tip of his nose touched yours. Your eyes fluttered shut. _Closer._ He nuzzled you a little, making you smile with your eyes closed. His heartbeat was in his ears. Levi took one second to take you in, as perfect as you looked wrapped up in his arms, completely trusting. He gave a gentle sigh. How _blessed_ he was.

 _Closer_. He covered the last centimeter between you and caught your bottom lip between his.

The thrill was instant and undeniable. His body had been waiting and waiting for this moment, proven by the shivers that traveled down his skin at first contact. Your hand squeezed his. His heart felt like it was getting bigger by the second, warm and pulsing.

He drew away so he could approach at another angle. But before he could do anything, your eyes opened. You reached around his neck to pull him back down. Taken by surprise, he braced against the cushions to not fall on you and your casted wrist. He was now holding himself above your supine figure with his forearms, his legs tangled in yours; heat traveled up his neck at the suggestive position. You, however, seemed less than troubled, meeting his gaze from centimeters away with admiring, reddened eyes he couldn’t look away from. What could you possibly see in him, as messed up as he was? How did you look at him with such sincere affection? He couldn’t understand, yet he couldn’t get enough. _You_ wanted _him_ somehow, and he was deliriously blissful.

Giving into your gentle pull, he settled gently above you, and kissed you again. You eagerly accepted him, humming below him. He could feel your heartbeat against him that was just as fast as his. Your lips met again and again, your hands pulling him back each time his touch left you. He reveled in how you seemed to want this as much as he did.

How long had passed? It was probably significantly past your bedtimes. He leaned his forehead against yours, savoring your shallow breaths. You looked up at him lovingly, pink from recent activities. Was he permitted to be this happy?

\----

You laid under the Captain, feeling warm and shy. You felt the heat between you grow more and more, and you were surprised by how much you wanted him to continue. Now his forehead was on yours, his cinder eyes never leaving your face.

The table lamp burned out at that moment, breaking the intense connection. The room dimmed considerably, only the candle on his desk across the room providing lighting. You giggled quietly at the release of tension.

“…That might be my cue to go.”

He didn’t answer and avoided eye contact, obviously reluctant to move from his position above you. Without his usual hard expression, he looked so much younger.

“Captain.” You said teasingly, wiggling a little under his pleasant weight.

His head fell to the nook of your neck, stilling you and making your heart race again. His hair was tickling your collarbone. He was acting like a big puppy, a significant departure from his usually feline mannerisms. You loved seeing this side of him. He could be so _cute_ for an intimidating man of frightening capabilities. He sighed against your skin. After a moment, he moved to stand up, rolling to stand from the couch. He brushed his hair back and looked outside the dark window before turning back to offer you a hand.

“I’ll walk you back.”

The conversation was light and of no real content in the dark hallway to your room. You walked side by side, closer than usual, and your hands bumped into each other often. You couldn’t help smiling to yourself.

At your door, he stopped closer to you than necessary and leaned in. You read his intention and acted fast, covering your forehead with both hands to stop him.

“No. _You can’t do this to me._ ” You said petulantly, repeating his earlier words as a small revenge.

He pressed his lips together, clearly amused. Then he pulled you to him by the waist, one hand moving to yours on your forehead to keep them there. Giving you a sly smile, he pressed a sweet peck to your lips that lingered a little too long for it to be completely innocent. Then he threw his hands up in a playful surrender to let you go.

“Evidently, I can.” He said to your appalled face.

“Shameless.” You whispered, looking around the hall to check for witnesses.

“Is that news?” His eyebrow cocked. He was so _damn_ good-looking. “Now go to bed, you’ve messed up my sleep hygiene with all this… excitement.” One side of his mouth pulled up in a smirk.

You couldn’t believe how flirty he was being. You had no response, your lips in a surprised “o” and a flush across your face. He walked backwards down the hall, keeping eye contact until he turned the corner. This man had dangerous appeal, one he had somehow locked away before now. You were never going to win against him.

But you definitely weren’t upset about that.


	13. XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Survey Corps attend the annual funding meeting. You and the Captain manage to sneak away for a sweet moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I'm sorry I missed a week! Return to work has been unpredictable in terms of time commitment. In exchange, this one is longer than usual. 
> 
> I wanted to ask your opinion on something - how do the people feel about smut? I realize I didn't label it in the tags initially and now that things might be... heading in that direction I wanted to make sure people are okay with it. I'm thinking I'll put appropriate warnings in place so that people who want to can skip those portions. 
> 
> As always, thank you for continuing to read! I hope you're all well.

Levi stared across the table at you. The meeting was running far too long, Erwin going on about the annual sponsor’s meeting happening in two days. The Survey Corps would be in attendance as usual, and you and Gino would be there to lobby for the new medical branch.

Your lips were pursed, nervously listening to Erwin’s teaching points. Your cute ponytail bounced with each eager nod. When you walked in for the meeting, you had looked down shyly when he made eye contact, smiling at your feet. He wanted nothing more than to just take you back to his room so you could continue last night.

“You should blink.” Hange whispered.

“What?” He reluctantly turned to face her sitting next to him, a characteristic frown settling on his face.

“You’ve stared for like, at least five minutes without blinking. You’ll get dry eye.” Her lips twitched.

“Shut the – ”

“And that’s it for this morning. Start packing, we’ll leave tomorrow after breakfast. Dismissed.” Erwin’s clear voice cut him off.

You managed to give him a little smile before leaving the room. Levi blinked in his seat. His eyes _were_ a little dry.

\----

Time sped by until the meeting. You hadn’t been able to meet Captain Levi at all since _that_ night, as he had been stuck in meetings almost continuously.

Now you were all standing outside the large doors of the hall you would have your appeal in, and you felt nauseous. You felt the Captain’s shoulder lean into yours for a brief moment.

“They’re all just old guys. You could probably beat them up if you wanted to. Relax.” His familiar bored voice whispered from beside you.

You couldn’t believe that worked, but the ridiculous idea of you beating up senators definitely made your anxiety take a back seat. The doors opened, and you were surprised to see the room fuller than you had expected. You looked at the familiar faces of your medical colleagues who had gone on to work with the government. Many of them were wearing friendly smiles, happy to see you. The meeting went smoothly. You and Gino were able to answer every question with ease.

“The base funding will be approved.” You tried to not let the relief show on your face.

“The rest will be how much you can pull from the sponsorship dinner tonight, as Commander Smith well knows.”

“Dismissed.” The senator nodded at the medical committee. “Commander, Captain. We will continue our other meetings in here.”

You left the hall and let out a breath of relief. You and Gino quickly reacquainted yourselves with your old friends, spending some time catching up as the afternoon meetings continued on the other side of the wall.

\----

Later that afternoon, a small girl came to get you from your room. Something about sponsored “evening attire”. You didn’t think much of it, expecting something simple.

How wrong you had been. You were escorted to a wide hall filled with curtained-off stalls and endless rows of clothing. You looked at the selection of colourful dresses in front of you, looking for and failing to find an inconspicuous option. One of the attendants picked one off the rack.

“I think this one would suit you, miss.”

It was a shimmering silver-champagne ombré number, elegant and expensive-looking. The young attendant looked at you expectantly, her eyes sparkling in anticipation. Putting on a brave smile, you took the dress behind the curtains. It couldn’t hurt to try it on, right?

You balked at the low neckline. The dress was formfitting until the knees, where it gradually widened until the hem at your ankles. Turning around, you saw the back was also _really_ low, cut in a deep v that ended at your waist. You would need to change into something less exposing. When you stepped out though, the girl squealed, fluttering around you in excitement. _Oh no._

The woman in the next curtain over peeked out. “Oh my, you have to wear that one. It makes you look delicious.”

You looked up, and saw her in a corset and nothing else. Inappropriate, but _wow_ she was pretty. Curly blonde hair reached down to her slim waist, and her curvy thighs extended into a pair of long legs. _If I were that hot I would just walk around naked,_ you thought.

“Thank you.” You thought her comment was a compliment. She smiled at you, and slid back into her curtain. You were a little dazed by the sudden appearance of your doll-like neighbour.

At that moment, Commander Erwin walked in. “F/N!” His distinctive voice rang in the room.

“I thought I would check in before the banquet. That’s a great choice.”

“I actually thought it was too… too…” You mumbled.

“What?” He leaned in a little.

“Like, too… sexual?” You whispered scandalously, meeting his gaze with wide eyes. You waved your hands around your shoulders vaguely.

He broke into booming laughter. He clearly hadn’t expected that answer.

“Hey… and if it’s too tight I won’t be able to eat my worth at dinner, you know?” You added seriously while patting your stomach, providing more background for your concern.

He continued laughing, eyes crinkling in amusement. “As far as evening dresses go, it’s really not that outrageous. And for the dinner… I’m sure you can make it fit somehow.”

You narrowed your eyes skeptically.

“Space out the eating?” He suggested. You laughed, but then realized it wasn’t a bad idea.

After a short playful conversation, Commander Erwin left to get ready himself.

“I thought most people would find him really scary.” The pretty lady was back, trying on a stunning red dress that made you stare.

“The Commander?” You asked. “He _is_ an incredible, amazing person, but also very kind.”

Her blue eyes met yours through the reflection of the mirror. You kept up a light conversation until she left. Beautiful _and_ nice. You liked her.

\----

Levi ran into Erwin just outside their chambers as he was about to retire for the night.

“I’m off to change. I’ll see you at dinner?” Erwin asked.

Levi silently looked at him. He knew Levi never went to this part of the occasion. It was full of vain people charading around trying to impress each other. Erwin was much better at wheedling the rich than he was. In fact, it was probably better Levi keep being mysterious than exposing himself to be the curmudgeon that he was.

“F/N is really excited for the food.”

“…”

“Her dress is spectacular. I’m sure there won’t be too many men around.”

“…!”

Erwin grinned widely. “Then I’ll see you at dinner.”

One day, Levi would punch his huge nose so hard that it would face another direction. One day.

He made his way to the changerooms to get you. Maybe you could spend a few minutes together before being subjected to the banquet. He walked in, cringing at the gazes that converged on him as he scanned the area for you. He arrived at the last curtained stall, where he saw a familiar pair of shoes outside. One of the girls waved him in to let him know it was okay to enter.

 _Holy shit_. You were facing the long mirror, long hair swept over one shoulder. The attendant was pinching in the fabric to make it fit better. The slinky material clung to your hip and thighs before flowing down to your ankles. There was so much more skin than he was used to with you, and he didn’t know where to place his gaze. He wanted to wrap his arms around your dipping waist. Erwin had not been exaggerating. You turned around to face him, a smile lighting up your face.

“Captain!” You looked a little disappointed at his usual black three-piece. “I thought they brought you a tuxedo.”

“Not my colour. Ready to go?” As if he would wear the set in his room that was labelled “ _teenager –_ _navy”_.

After briefly hesitating, he held out a hand. There were a couple squeals in the room that he chose to ignore as you left the hall together.

\----

You were thoroughly impressed by the food. There was a table set aside for the Survey Corps, which made things more comfortable for you. Captain Levi gave you his dessert, which you were absolutely not above accepting. After the delicious dinner, it was time to mingle with the sponsors. You and Gino walked to the refreshment table.

“Long time no see, stranger.” Someone tapped your shoulder from behind.

“Noah!”

You and Noah had dated briefly during your academy years, parting once things got too busy at your respective hospitals. He was a good person, and you had some great times together as teenagers. You held the memories fondly.

“I heard you were going to be here, I didn’t know you were going to look like this though.”

“Trust me, I didn’t either.” You self-consciously adjusted the neckline of your dress.

The conversation flowed easily as you caught up on each other’s lives in the years apart. His familiar mannerisms and toothy smile took you back to simpler times.

“Now, are you one of the people I have to impress tonight?” You asked cheekily.

“Vice chairman of Wall Rose Medical Supply Company, at your service. Go on, impress me, scout.” He puffed out his chest jokingly, looking down at you sideways. “Maybe I’ll have you prove your dancing to me first.”

\----

Levi sat at the corner table reserved for the Survey Corps, hiding from the sponsors while trying to keep you in his sight. Who was that blond man hanging all over you?

“Noah Müller. They used to date.” Gino was suddenly behind him, thoughtfully chewing on a breadstick.

Levi’s finger twitched against his knee. He waited for him to continue.

“…”

“…”

Levi felt his temple pulse in annoyance. Clearly his conversation skills had not improved. Just then, the blondie put his arm around you, hand on your exposed shoulder, pointing at the dance floor. He imagined breaking each of his fingers, one by one.

“It looks like he’s going to ask her to dance.” Gino said. _Are you going to do anything about it?_ He asked with his eyes.

“Oh, now they’re dancing.” Gino continued eating his breadstick peacefully. Levi added his nose to his to-break list.

It was _fine_. You were adults. You could interact with other men.

He wasn’t expecting so _many_ other men though. When the eighth man approached you for a dance, he had had enough. What’s more, you laughed when he approached you. He was moving to stand when he caught the man’s face – Gino. He looked at Levi and gave him a nod. Grumbling under his breath, he sat back again. If he was going to get you, couldn’t he have done it _earlier_?

\----

You laughed when Gino offered you his hand to dance. The dancing had been exhausting. You managed to give each of your dance partners the short spiel you prepared about the Survey Corp’s newest branch, but boy, you were tired of smiling. 

Gino had noticed the Captain’s patience wearing thin. As much as it was amusing, Gino couldn’t be sure whatever Captain Levi did to get you out of here wouldn’t hurt the Survey Corp’s funding status. He actually liked that he respected you enough to not pull you away himself, so Gino decided to help the man out of his misery.

“What are you thinking about?” Your voice pulled him out of his musings.

“Time for a break?” He said, stopping the gentle spin of the dance to gesture to the tables.

“Yes please.”

Gino walked you to the table before finding another sponsor to chat with. You naturally seated yourself beside Captain Levi, the only person there. He pushed his cup of water towards you.

“Have you been hiding here this whole time?” You gratefully took a sip from his glass.

“Successfully, up until this point.” He leaned his head into his hand, tilting his head to look at you.

“You’re not pulling your weight.” You teased, full well knowing his very presence this weekend was probably getting you more than half the funding the Survey Corps would walk away with.

“Mm. Having fun?” He reached out and tucked your hair behind your ear. You were about to lean into his touch when suddenly, his face fell into a scowl. “What do you want.” He directed the statement behind you.

You turned to find the pretty blonde woman from before taking the seat next to you. She was even prettier in her tight black gown.

“Whoa, I just want to chat.” She said, crossing her long legs.

“Aren’t you married now?” Levi was being extra aggressive, and you felt uncomfortable. He must have picked up because he immediately softened his posture.

“Okay, flattered you even know about that, but also very arrogant to assume it’s you I want to talk to.” She held your shoulders and turned you to face her. She pressed your cheeks between her hands. “Hello!”

“Hi!” You answered instinctively. You were confused by the Captain’s reaction to her, but she felt like a nice person. Maybe you could defuse the tension a little bit. “From before, right?

“You remember!” As if you could forget. She was smiling so widely at you, and you couldn’t help but feel a little dazzled.

“When did you meet her?” The Captain’s confused voice came from behind you.

“Clarissa? I didn’t know you were coming to this one.” Commander Erwin joined the table.

“Hi Erwin.” She said, not taking her eyes or hands off your face. It was safe to say, you were thoroughly overwhelmed by the chaotic progression of events.

“Um.” You started, eyes darting between the three of them.

“I was about to introduce myself before I was rudely interrupted.” She shot a glare over your shoulder. “I’m Clarissa, Erwin’s cousin.” Suddenly, the resemblance was clear to you. The shiny blonde hair, tall physique, piercing blue eyes.

“F/N L/N, nice to meet you.” You smiled, finally able to place her in context of the situation.

It seemed the three of them had known each other for years. There was an easy rhythm to their conversation, and they fit you in easily. You found out the Smith family had tried to marry Clarissa off to the Humanity’s Strongest years ago when she was eighteen, and Levi was twenty-four.

“Like the naïve, pure maiden I was, I thought he would be the love of my life! Look what showed up!” She gestured at Levi, who was physically leaning away from the conversation.

“Of course, he broke my innocent heart.” She made a sad face. You turned to him with condemning judgement on your face.

“She broke my innocent nose right after, so I’d say we’re even.” He was completely unapologetic.

You giggled a little louder than you had meant to, imagining Captain Levi getting punched out by someone delicate like Clarissa. The champagne was definitely getting to you, but they were so funny together.

“But then I married someone who loves me more than anything instead of this grouch, so I’d say all is for the better.” She said.

“That’s so lovely.” You sighed. Clarissa smiled. (You both ignored Levi muttering “Is it though, for the poor man?”) She had mentioned her husband many times this evening, and her love for him was apparent in the way she spoke about him.

“Okay, I have a question for you, F/N.” Clarissa leaned in. “Are you dating anyone right now?”

You froze, wide-eyed. You were pretty infatuated with the man sitting next to you, but _were_ you dating? It felt weird to say no, but you weren’t sure if you could say yes. You sat there in silence for a couple seconds as the blush crept up to your buzzy head.

“That’s a mysterious reaction.” Clarissa commented.

“Um, sorry, I spaced out for a minute there. I think the alcohol is getting to me. _Whoo._ Dizzy. I’ll just step out for some air?” Your voice went up a couple octaves as you stood up. You needed to escape.

\----

Clarissa watched as you left the hall in a fluster. Levi’s eyes followed you out, and after a couple seconds of rubbing his neck, he stood up.

“And where are you –”

“Bathroom, you nosy woman.” He left without a second glance.

“Hmmmm.” She leaned back in the chair, thoughtfully sipping her champagne.

“Shall we update each other on the plans now?” Erwin started.

“No, I want to talk about something fun first. So, what’s the deal with those two?”

“None of my business, and none of yours.” Erwin said, smiling into his glass.

“Are you sure?” Erwin stilled at her words. She sighed. “Erwin. You should have heard yourself laugh earlier in the change room.”

“And you should see the way he looks at her.”

Clarissa thought back to Levi tenderly putting his hand on your hair as she approached your table. What an _expression_ he had on. She wanted to go back in time and tell her teenage self she didn’t have a shadow of a chance. _Wait, this isn’t about me._ Erwin was still smiling his stupid smile, and she wanted to wipe it off his face.

“Well, they apparently aren’t dating yet, and I’d love her as an in-law.”

“ _Clarrie_.” There was her cute childhood nickname in his Commander voice. She had found the proverbial line. She sighed again.

“You’re allowed to have nice things you know. Nice _people._ ”

“And I do. The information, please.”

She wistfully looked at her cousin, her big brother she never had. When she overheard your conversation before, she had been so excited that he might have found another reason for living other than sacrificing himself for the so-called greater cause. But she knew this conversation was over for now. She pulled out some papers from her clutch and passed it under the table.

\----

Levi followed you out of the banquet hall. He thought back to Clarissa’s nosy question earlier, and your flustered reaction. You were the one that said you should talk things out when things like this happened – but you were nowhere in sight. _Damn,_ you were a fast walker. He eventually found you on the veranda, forehead pressed against the stone post. He smiled to himself, leaned on the next post over, and tried to get your attention by clearing his throat.

You rolled your head against the post so your temple was leaning against it. Your forehead was red where it had been pressed against the cold stone. He walked over so he could rub his thumb over the red spot. He gently pulled you away from the railing into his arms, feeling a little hot when his hand met bare skin at the small of your back.

He swallowed down his embarrassment before saying the next words. “Dance with me.”

It was worth it, as you perked up considerably in surprise. “Really? I didn’t think you danced.”

“It can’t be that hard.” Satisfaction filled him. You didn’t look nearly as happy with all your other partners this evening.

The music from the hall flowed faintly into the cool night air. You nuzzled him sweetly as you swayed to the melody.

“I hope you weren’t this close with all the sponsors.”

“Mmm. Just with you.” You hummed against him. He swelled with happiness.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about what to call your relationship. To Levi, “dating” had felt too trivial a label to place on his feelings. But if labelling it so gave him the ability to cut off other suitors, he would do it immediately.

“So, are you dating anyone?” His teasing voice reached your ears.

“Stop making fun of me.” You sulked, still embarrassed from your previous reaction.

“Because if you’re not, I’d like to.” You froze in his arms.

“There is just no way… no way you haven’t dated anyone before me. You’re too good at this. No one is this smooth.” You ranted, pulling away a little. A furious blush blossomed on your face. He could see your shoulders were pink as well. You were so endearing.

“Just with you.” He repeated your words, pulling you back in close with a smile. He pressed light kisses to your forehead and your nose. He started slowly swaying to the music again, stroking your hair.

\----

Levi came back to their table a good half hour after that, and pulled out his chair as if nothing happened. His flat affect gave nothing away.

“Where’s F/N?” Clarissa asked.

“She went to bed.”

“Then what took you so long?”

“I took a shit.”

“No you didn’t.” She rolled her eyes.

“It was like a brick.” He didn’t even blink.

“Can you believe him?” She huffed, turning to Erwin for support.

“Update him on the intel as well, Clarissa.” As always, Erwin refused to get involved.

\----

The next morning, you and Gino were taking your bags to the carriage. You would head back to headquarters, and the Commander and Captain Levi would need to stay an extra few days for more meetings. You watched the Captain throw Gino’s bag at him, and load your bag himself.

Last night after your dance, Captain had walked you back to your room. He had left after a few more kisses along your face. You had lingering suspicions about his dating history, but you decided to let it go for now.

“Behave yourself.” He said to you, a barely-suppressed smile on his face.

“See you in two days.” He walked away with a wave over his shoulder.

As you were about to step into the carriage, Noah caught up to you.

“Hey! Glad I caught you before you left.”

“Noah! It was really nice to see you again.” You said genuinely.

He fiddled a little with his hair. “Before I ask you something, I just want to say that your answer will have no bearings on my organization’s very positive impression of the Survey Corps...Are you seeing anyone, F/N?”

Your heart skipped a beat, not because of his implied interest, but because you could answer this time.

“Yes, actually I am.”

“Ah, well. You look really happy.”

As you said your goodbyes, you didn’t notice Captain Levi who had stayed just around the corner to eavesdrop. Looking completely content with your answer, he walked back into the castle.


	14. XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two days apart, you're excited to see the Captain again. You have your first aid class teaching to distract you in the meantime...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a new chapter! Things are getting a little spicier, but I promise I will not rush anything - everything in due time, as said by donuts_are_my_life. Thank you all for your feedback on the last chapter.
> 
> On a slightly less pleasant note, it has come to my attention one way or another that there is a story very similar to mine circulating on the internet. I won't disclose the platform/author since the purpose here isn't to accuse. I know that fanfiction in and of itself is about paying tribute to an existing piece of work by another author, and overlap to a degree is inevitable. If you're reading, and you liked my premise/writing enough that it led you to write something similar, I would consider that a huge compliment! I would love it if I were sent the link and credited as inspiration/prompt. If you're not, maybe it was a genuine misunderstanding on my part. That is all I'll say on this. 
> 
> Thank you for everyone reading and supporting! I get a little jolt of energy every time someone leaves kudos, and a BIG jolt of energy whenever someone comments. I'm always so excited to post. I love you guys for providing a lovely audience for this little creative outlet of mine, thank you for helping me rediscover a past passion of writing :)

The rest of the meetings were important and mind-numbingly boring. Levi sat in the last meeting of this gathering, listening to Erwin justify the Survey Corp’s spending. As if these capitalist pigs would understand the concept of giving your heart to a cause that didn’t directly feed into their wallets. That being said, the Survey Corps had received significantly more funding than last year, even accounting for the new branch. Erwin had said last night how you had swayed many sponsors during the banquet.

He was quite frankly appalled at how often his thoughts strayed to you. Come to think of it, this was the first time he had been this far away from you since meeting more than 6 months ago. The last two nights he had barely slept, adding to his irritability. Not that the any of these government people noticed – he was as hostile as he had always been. He couldn’t wait for the morning to be over.

\----

You spent those same two days with Gino and Hange, laying out the plans for the newly minted Medical Branch. You and Gino were officially Section Commanders, and Hange showed you the ropes. You decided to keep five of the current medics who had met ODM training standards, and recruit a few from the younger scouts. Armin was on the top of your list, followed by Bertholdt Hoover and Krista Lenz. Gino suggested the Ryker twins, Adelaide and Alric.

You would reach out and gage their interest in the coming days. The plan was to have a central medical squad composed of the experienced medics, with the new additions being supplementary first-aiders in each section of the formation. In addition, you and Gino would be running various first aid classes for the regiment as planned.

Stepping out into the mess hall for breakfast, your eyes naturally went to Levi Squad’s table, which was missing its eponymous captain. You missed him. According to the schedule, he should be back late afternoon, around the time your first aid class ended. You tried to immerse yourself in a conversation with Armin, wishing the hours would pass by a little faster.

\----

As soon as the carriage arrived at headquarters, Levi headed to the hall for your first aid class. He might be able to catch the end of it if he hurried. The room was full, with some people leaning on walls or sitting on the floor. Levi joined Hange at the back. You were at the front of the room in front of a chalkboard filled with diagrams annotated by your neat writing. You explained the importance of minimizing blood loss, waving your short arms enthusiastically to indicate spurting blood. Levi held in a chuckle.

“Hey. How was it?” Hange asked.

“The usual.” His eyes remained firmly on you.

“Can I have a volunteer patient?” Your pleasant, mid-pitched voice rang clearly. He had always enjoyed your voice, not too high or loud, especially nice when whispered close by…

Multiple hands shot up. You gestured for Jean to come up and lie down on the table. You demonstrated how to make a makeshift tourniquet out of some fabric and a stick, wrapping your scarf around Jean’s thigh. You explained that if prolonged it can make the limb necrose and that it should be saved for life-threatening bleeds or amputations. However, your useful explanation seemed to be flying over the heads of some attendees.

“She’s so pretty, isn’t she?” The cadet directly in front of them whispered to his neighbour.

“What I wouldn’t give to have her tie that around _my_ leg.” His friend sighed, wrapping his hands around his own thigh.

“She told me I could come any time if I had questions. Think I have a shot?”

Hange picked up on the cloud of aggression on her right. She gave the boy in front of her a firm kick before he met a worse fate.

“What – Oh.” His face changed quickly from annoyance to fear.

“Is that any way to talk about a section commander?” Hange’s glasses flashed threateningly as she leaned down beside him.

“No ma’am. It won’t happen again.” He practically ran out of the room, to the snickers of the surrounding cadets.

Levi silently took a better look at the crowd in the room. Unusually high attendance for a voluntary training, suspiciously enthusiastic, and mostly male. He imagined similar conversations happening around the room and tried to convince himself that they were interested in first aid for survival – and not you. Soon after that, you wrapped up the lesson, thanking everyone in the room for coming.

Mike’s tall figure was easy to spot as he strode across the room to sit on the desk at the front, seemingly asking you a follow-up question. Even knowing how trustworthy Mike was, Levi felt annoyed, thinking back to how he had wanted you on his squad. Now that his eyes had been opened to your popularity, it was all he could see. _Of course_ you were. He should have known this.

“Levi, relax your scary face, this is not a new situation.” Hange poked him. He swatted her hand away, thoroughly irritated already.

“What.” _I know._

“She’s been asked out many times since coming here.”

“What?” _That_ was news to him. His frown deepened.

“I’m saying you need to hurry up and ask her out if you want a chance.”

“I did.” That was news to her.

“WHAT?” Hange’s loud exclamation made the whole room silent.

“Jesus Christ.” Levi muttered.

You finally noticed his presence. Standing on your toes, you waved enthusiastically. _Cute_.

He didn’t have the time to appreciate your greeting, as Hange dragged him out of the room, saying something about needing details. _If I ever actually have to fight Hange I might lose, the arms on this woman._

\----

After a very successful first class, you had been answering questions when Hange yelled something. You immediately found Captain Levi next to her.

In your head you ran and tackled him in a hug. In reality, you tried to remain composed and settled for what you hoped was a friendly wave. His expression softened in the second before he was pulled out of the room. It was enough to warm your heart. Had it really only been two days?

At dinner, you tried to catch a glimpse at his table, but he was nowhere to be seen. Seeing how Hange and Erwin were also missing, they were likely in a meeting. You were a little disappointed, but maybe you could meet him before bed with some tea. Brightening at the idea of a reunion later that night, you went to pick up your food.

\----

Levi was about to pass out from annoyance. First Hange had grilled him within an inch of his life (and hers, to be honest) regarding you. He had provided the general picture as curtly as possible, and had made it no secret that she was being intrusive. But Hange was not one to be deterred. She persisted despite his frequent silences and one-word replies until she was satisfied. Then he had been directly ushered into this veteran’s meeting.

“Anything to add, Levi? ” Erwin asked. Finally, it was coming to an end.

“I’m tired.” Levi’s monotone voice made some people in the room chuckle.

“All right, everyone have a good night.” Erwin folded.

Levi was out of the room in the next second. He ignored Hange calling him to wait for her. He went to your office, which was empty. He checked his own office – also empty. He made his way down to the mess hall, where he saw light leaking from the kitchen doors. It wouldn’t be a cadet at these hours, and most of the veterans had just been released from the meeting. _Chances are_ \- he peeked in to see a familiar figure. Noticing a presence, you turned around.

“Captain! I was just about to come to your office. I’m making some tea.” He felt the tension he didn’t know he was holding leave his shoulders.

You were still in uniform, likely having waited up for him. Levi noticed the tray on the table you had been preparing. You returned to your task, measuring out the leaves.

“I can’t believe I couldn’t see you for the whole day. Really busy, huh?” You chattered.

Levi was not really listening. He walked up right behind you to wrap his arms around your waist.

_I missed you._

“I missed you.” You echoed his thoughts out loud, laughing softly as you turned around with a mild pink flush on your face.

He cradled your cheek in his hand, keeping one at your hip. You leaned into his touch, making him melt a little bit inside. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled his face closer, looking up at him through your lashes. He suddenly felt parched for contact – he hadn’t kissed you since the first time. All damn day he had been pulled away from you by different things. He tentatively pressed his lips into the corner of yours, delighting in the way he felt you smile against him.

The problem was, his thirst had not been quenched yet. His lips continued to move, testing out the fullness of yours molding to accept him. His desire to be close showed no signs of relenting.

“Open… your mouth.” He whispered heatedly over your lips.

 _Shit, was that too much?_ He scanned your face. Your eyes were half-opened, an enticing blush across your cheeks. He let out a low groan. It was so damn hard to hold back sometimes. But he knew one moment of hesitation from you was all it would take for him to step away.

“Okay.” You breathed out shakily. You pulled yourself closer, nails slightly digging into his tense biceps. Your full lips parted and met his again. He felt your tongue timidly press into his already sensitive bottom lip.

_Well, fuck._

Levi kissed you back, his lips covering yours fervently. He had one hand on the table and the other behind your waist to support you as he pushed you back, back, _back._ His wet tongue swept across your lips before entering your mouth, slowly tracing shapes into your hard palate. You gave a little whimper, urging him to continue. His tongue circled around the tip of yours. Your little hands grabbed the back of his shirt tighter, scratching the fabric along his skin – shivers ran down his spine.

Without realizing, he had you pretty far over the table. In one corner of his hazy mind, he worried about your back. Leaning away slightly, his hot hands slid down behind your thighs, and he picked you up lightly to seat you on the table. You squeaked into his mouth in surprise, hands holding desperately onto his shoulders for support. As if he would drop you. Levi smiled into the kiss. _So damn cute._

Now he was at a better position to caress your neck. He drew in some of your skin into his mouth and sucked, relishing in your scent. Your hair fell down around him as you leaned down. He pressed your body into his chest closer, his fingers behind your head tangling into your hair. You took in another audible shallow breath that made him tingle. Every sound you made spurred him on. Your legs were around his waist, impatiently pulling him in closer –

_Hold up._

He suddenly became aware of the position you were in. Your legs had parted naturally when he picked you up, and he was now standing between them. He felt heat at his sides where your inviting thighs embraced him. He could feel your soft chest heaving under his chin. The collar of your shirt was loose from his earlier ministrations, showing the cream and red-smattered skin underneath.

Sinning in the _damn_ kitchen. What was he, another one of those horny brats? You deserved better.

Summoning his willpower, he took a step back. He patted down your hair so it was presentable again, and buttoned up your shirt. You sat there obediently, looking a little bewildered as he made you proper. Then he picked you up again to set you back on the floor. _There, I was a gentleman this time_.

\----

_???_

You stood in front of the Captain, perplexed at the anticlimactic turn of events. One moment he was a feral cat quite literally at your throat, and the next he had turned into a docile sheep. He looked so satisfied with your primly buttoned-up shirt (all of the buttons closed, two more than your usual) that you couldn’t even ask what had happened.

“We’re going to have to re-boil the water.” He said matter-of-factly, putting it back on the stove. The once piping-hot kettle was now lukewarm.

Discreetly pressing your relatively cold hands on your face, you tried to cool your flaming cheeks while his back was turned. You recalled his pained expression as he pulled away. He was probably being considerate, given you hadn’t discussed boundaries yet. You groaned inside. He was so much _softer_ of a person than anyone realized.

And you were clearly not as soft as people thought you to be, judging by how much you enjoyed the last few minutes.

“What is it?” He asked, wafting the tea blend to his sharp nose.

 _Oh,_ he was talking about the tea. You quickly dropped your hands to your side before answering. “Dried apple, blueberries, lavender, and just a little spearmint.”

“Not bad.” He placed the tea onto the table, taking a seat. You took the seat next to him, trying not to think about what had just happened on this very table.

Over tea he updated you on the rest of the meetings. You nearly dropped your cup when he told you the final funding amount the Survey Corps had received. On your part you told him about how you, Gino, and Hange had planned out the medical regiment. He seemed to agree with the proposed organization and the tentative recruit list. When you asked his advice he said he had none for you, saying you knew how to deal with people better than he did. You laughed and gave him a little glare – he was the _Captain_ , and people loved him. You wished he would feel the admiration the scouts had for him properly.

“Captain.” You said chastising tone, ready to break into monologue when he cut you off.

“How long are you going to do that?”

“Do what?”

“The ‘Captain’ thing.”

“Oh…” Was he going to ask you to call him by name? The thought made you tickle inside.

“Unless you call everyone you date ‘Captain’, then by all means, continue.”

His casual reference to your new relationship status rendered you into a silent mess. How do you even respond to that? His long index finger tapped your forehead, breaking you out of your flustered silence.

“Repeat after me: Levi.”

“…..Levi.” All you had done was remove ‘Captain’, and it felt so intimate. You hoped you weren’t blushing at something trivial like this. That being said, you weren’t even sure if you had fully recovered from your previous activities yet.

He gave you a lopsided smile, looking pleased.

\----

You talked until the tea ran out. He would have brewed another, but it was quite late. You two walked towards your room through the empty hallways.

You stopped at the door, remembering something. “Oh! I found you a new assistant.”

Levi sighed internally. He had not been looking forward to this.

“I have to give you some context first.” You said, eyes straying to the bookshelf behind him. “So. My first choice would have been Armin, but I’m taking him so you can’t have him. He’s mine.”

“Mm.” Your hesitation amused him. Who could you possibly have picked?

“Then I went to ask Mikasa, and _boy_ did it look like she didn’t want to, but before she could answer Eren volunteered himself and I couldn’t say no.” Your eyebrows lifted in the middle, your pleading expression gaining more impact by the second.

“Aren’t assistants supposed to _reduce_ my workload?” He said, thinking of the enthusiastic but scatterbrained boy.

“I’ll train him! And it’ll be good for him to have a role model close by. He’s been through a lot since he got here.”

“What exactly am I supposed to model for him?” He asked unironically.

“You continue to undermine yourself.” You said, putting your hands on his cheeks. Whatever you saw in him, he wanted to see himself.

“It’s decided then. I’ll let him know.” You gave him a quick peck on his cheek and entered your room, peeking your head out to say the last phrase: “Good night… Levi.” The door quickly shut after that.

He was sure you could charm him into doing practically anything by this point. This was dangerous. He shook his head, not really all that bothered by his newfound weakness. For the first time in a few days, he felt like he could sleep through the night.


	15. XV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Work gets busier with your new sector, and some concerning things begin brewing in the Survey Corps. You still manage to find some time for sweet moments with your Captain.
> 
> Warning: mention of condoms, nothing beyond PG15 this chapter! I'll be sure to mark the NSFW chapters in the future so they are easily skip-able if you choose to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter! Also, guys I recently got really into Haikyuu and that might be what I write on next once this one is complete. Anyone have other anime recommendations? Would love to hear about your favourite characters as well. 
> 
> Thanks for all your input on smut. I have decided to attempt writing it at some point during this story, but I want to make sure it is up to standard and not too rushed in context of the storyline. Thanks for being patient, and for all your feedback!
> 
> Finally, as always, thank you for reading!! Your comments are always much appreciated. I hope everyone had a wonderful end to their week :)

The next few weeks you were nearly run off your feet with work. You recruited the members of your regiment and began training them. You and Gino stayed in your office nearly all day with paperwork. Armin was a clever and driven assistant – he appeared to be happy to have found a role in which he excelled. By the end of the third week, things were more or less in place for a trial run. Between setting up the regiment and the usual training, you found yourself collapsing into bed every night.

You and Levi managed to see each other nightly in his office, briefly drinking tea and catching up on the day. He was surprisingly supportive of your endeavours. Not that you had expected him to be disinterested, but you had pictured him as a stricter superior. He frequently reassured you that you were doing a good job. Often, he would coax you onto the couch.

You suspected he rather liked cuddling, despite no explicit verbalizations of this sentiment. You had been hesitant about it, knowing he had firm boundaries around personal space. You would hate to be the one violating it all the time just because _you_ wanted to be close to him. One time as a test you had resisted his subtle cues to sit closer to him, and he had actually moved to you himself. When you pretended not to notice still, acting very interested in the form in your hands, he had leaned his head into your shoulder, silently asking for your attention. You had all but melted.

You had also been able to chat with Gino about your new relationship with the Captain. He had been completely unsurprised, much to your embarrassment. He did know you best, after all. He hadn’t said much, other than to let you know that he would always be on your side of any situation.

This morning, you were seated for breakfast after a morning meeting with Gino, Mike, and Nanaba. The spare rooms in the upper hallways had finally been cleaned out, and you and Gino would be able to receive your own rooms instead of sharing in the dorms. Hange, Levi, and Erwin had stayed behind for another meeting.

The veterans were very interested in the new regiment. In the middle of the conversation, Levi joined your table with a cup of tea. You gave him a smile as he seated himself next to you.

“So. How are you and Gino doing?” Nanaba asked.

“We’re adjusting okay! We’ve split up the office hours and – ”

“I meant on the personal front.” She tilted her head suggestively.

“…?”

“Are you serious? You’re not dating?”

“…Gino? No?” The way her face fell, you felt like you were letting her down somehow.

“Sorry.” Gino apologized on your behalf.

Is that what it looked like to other people? You snuck a quick look at Levi, who didn’t even seem to be paying attention to this conversation.

“Damn it.” Nanaba slapped some coins down in front of Mike. “I was so sure.”

“Well if you’re available, I have a very good-looking brother. Looks just like me, for reference.” Mike said, tilting his face to the light.

“He would come with an excellent brother-in-law.” You giggled, enjoying his playfulness. Mike was known to be on the quieter side, but with you, he had become kind of a big-brother figure, joking around frequently.

“Wait, if we’re doing this I also have a brother. _And_ a sister!” Nanaba cut in. “You might be out of their leagues but I’ll make up for them, I promise.”

“I’m single!” Oluo raised his hand from the other table. (“We _know_.” Petra sighed from beside him.)

While laughing at the commotion, you felt something touching your hand on the bench. Looking under the table you saw Levi’s pinkie finger pressed over yours. You looked up, your heart warm. He looked away stubbornly while drinking his tea in his characteristic overhand manner. He had been listening, after all.

\----

Later that afternoon, Levi sat at his desk. He looked over at Eren on the couch, who was struggling to make his way through the piles of paper. Definitely worth half of you in terms of efficiency, despite the overflowing eagerness. Levi unexpectedly didn’t mind him being here. Somehow, you had gotten him accustomed to companionship.

At that moment, Hange barged in through his doors. She looked quite solemn, almost enough to make him concerned.

“I have a gift for you.” She took his hands and pressed into them a bag filled with something light and pliable.

Levi pulled the drawstring open., then aggressively pulled it shut again. If he was not mistaken – this was definitely a bag of condoms.

“You – ” He let go of it like it was on fire. He dropped his voice, looking over at Eren. There was a _child_ in the room. “What are you doing.”

“Levi, contraception is important stuff… Do you not know how to use it? Do you want me to show you how? We have some bananas in the kitchen.” She whispered, completely earnest in her offer. 

“I would rather fucking pass away.” He seethed through his teeth. He hadn’t even talked about this with you. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he was capable of breaching the topic anytime soon. Hange was getting so ahead of herself Levi couldn’t even see her disappearing into the distance.

“Wait, I think you’re _blushing.”_ She was definitely gloating, sauntering over the doorframe. He whipped the bag after her, but it was too late, she had already shut the door behind her. It fell to the floor lightly.

This was it. This was the final straw that would make him finally kill this annoying woman. The Arlert kid was smart right? He could replace her?

“Whoa, what was that about?” Eren moved to pick up the bag.

“SIT.” Levi commanded forcefully. Eren’s knees automatically buckled and he sat back down on the couch. This kid was definitely more traumatized than the average teenager, and Levi had no intention of adding to his mountain of psychiatric issues. Nor did he want to be the one to give him _that_ talk.

He walked over to the door himself and stuffed the bag into his pocket. A couple deep breaths in, Levi decided to let this one go. Hange was probably trying to act like her normal shitty self after that exceptionally stressful meeting.

With a hand at his head, he thought back to the meeting with Erwin and Hange. They knew there were titans inside the walls. Hange believed that there were traitor titan-shifters in their midst. He had never seen her so intense. Erwin agreed, immediately spinning out a plan to smoke them out. The air of unease had spread through the trio. They could all feel it. Something big was coming.

\---

You spent the day getting to know your new recruits with Gino. You met in your office with tea, and discussed future directions for the sector. You had high hopes for all of them. Armin excelled in his role as assistant, and shined as the natural leader in the group. Bertholdt was also great, leading the conversations with ease. Then the evening was spent sharing the desk with Gino, finishing up the mountain of paperwork required to set the sector in motion. You were dead tired, and looking forward to the healing tea time with Levi.

As usual, you ended up cuddling on his couch. He told you about Eren’s ridiculous misspellings today (trespassers will be “prostituted” and will be “fine”) as he stroked your shoulder. Eventually, his lips found yours. Short kisses shared between sentences gradually became longer and longer. He pulled you on top of him, and his hands rubbed your back and waist as his lips moved on yours.

Then, the lamp burned out. Levi groaned into your mouth.

You smiled, remembering the last time this happened. “Time for bed again? That lamp is like an alarm.”

Then, he pulled out another candle from under the table, giving you a pointed look from under you. He also remembered the last time, and he had been _ready_ this time. You laughed pretty hard – just how adorable was this man? That being said, it was pretty late. You two had another morning meeting tomorrow. You stood up and stretched. When your arms dropped to your sides, you felt his hand wrap around your wrist.

“Will you stay?” His hesitant voice captured your attention.

You found a puppy-dog of a man attached to the end of your hand, looking up at you with pleading eyes from under his soft bangs.

\----

“Will you stay?”

He wasn’t sure what gave him the courage to say that, but he did. You had been so busy recently, and the fleeting night-time tea sessions were not enough. He felt that things would start getting busier soon. He just wanted to be with you a little longer, maybe talk until you fell asleep, hold your hand... He paused his brain momentarily, honestly disgusted at his train of thought. He vowed to never say anything that corny out loud.

“Oh, but I don’t have my pajamas with me.” You seemed surprisingly open to the idea.

“I have extra shirts. Stay.” It was no longer a question.

He led you into his room, opening his neatly organized wardrobe to find a t-shirt and sweatpants. You stepped into the ensuite bathroom to change. He pulled out another pillow while you changed, putting a fresh pillowcase on it. He heard the door open behind him.

He considered himself a rather small man – but his clothes on you made the difference in frame clear. The t-shirt was quite roomy, and while the pants were not extraordinarily long on you, they still bunched loosely around your thighs and at your ankles. He hadn’t expected it to feel so strange, seeing you in his clothes. If anyone saw you now, there would be no question as to your availability. You were so obviously _his_ in those clothes. Thinking back to the conversation at breakfast ( _goddamn open season on F/N)_ , he kind of wished they could see you now.

“Your clothes smell nice.” You snuggled into the shirt.

“Mmm.” Levi gathered you in a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

As he pulled his suit jacket off, something fell out of his pocket. You instinctively caught it, and your eyes widened. Levi saw the familiar black baggie and felt a sudden, murderous rage towards a certain brunette. This was _not_ what he had intended, and he would rather attend Hange’s banana class than have you think he was trying to lure you into bed for sex.

“No.” He frantically made out one word.

“No?” You retorted, holding up the evidence to the contrary. Why did you look like you were about to laugh?

You finally broke into a peal of laughter. “Sorry. She might have dropped some in various pockets of mine, too. I’ve been finding them around all day. Don’t worry.”

“I won’t ever do anything if you don’t want to.” He said sincerely.

Your expression immediately softened. “Me neither, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.”

He laughed inwardly. How he hoped you would try to find that line someday.

“I’m going to break her glasses.” He mumbled, eyes darkened and gazing into the distance.

Your continued giggles reverberated against him. At least you were amused. He grabbed the offending packets and threw them completely out of sight into the bedside drawer. He quickly changed, smirking when he saw you turn around as he took his day shirt off. Then he sat himself down on the bed, reaching both arms out to you.

“Come please.”

How could you say no?

\----

The night was lovely. When he asked you to stay you had felt both excited and nervous. You had no need for the second feeling. You sat in bed talking about everything from your favourite foods to how he kept his haircut so neat. Then you had somehow ended up getting a midnight trim in the bathroom, enjoying the feeling of his hands brushing through your hair as he told you about how he used to do haircuts for every single kid in his group in the Underground. Everything you learned about him continued to enamour you.

Most notably, you had finally seen him sleeping for the first time. You had been lying in bed, with you curled into his side, holding his hand on his chest. You had looked up during a particularly long pause in conversation to find him asleep, a small smile on his face. You couldn’t help but give him a little kiss before falling asleep yourself, feeling his soothing heartbeat against your interlaced hands.

You woke up to him stroking your hair in the morning. He was already changed into uniform, and had laid yours out for you.

When you reached the conference room, Mike was first to greet you. “F/N, my brother is coming today to drop off some stuff for me. Any way I can convince you to come meet him?”

You looked around for support, eyes landing on Gino. He silently raised his brows from across the table at you, as if to say, _your problem, F/N_.

Mike picked up on your hesitation and continued. “I promise I won’t make it weird, it’s just to say hello. I want him to meet my new friend.”

Your gaze quickly darted to Levi, who was calmly pouring himself tea next to you. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just go say hi. You were under the impression Levi wanted to keep your relationship a secret. Understandable, since his position would ensure he attracted all kinds of gossip and headache for him. It’s not as if you could announce to the regiment you were dating _the_ Captain Levi –

Levi’s hand reached across your back and landed on your shoulder with a little _thwack_. The whole group froze. Levi, however, continued drinking his tea.

“Are you… is this…?” Mike pointed between you and the Captain.

You were still on pause, so you were unable to answer. What was he thinking?

“Use your singular communal brain cell. She’s not available.” Levi said as if he were stating a textbook fact, setting his cup down carefully.

“ _What!”_ Mike’s jaw dropped. This might be the most emotion you have ever seen on this man’s face.

Nanaba groaned and sprinkled some coins in Mike’s general direction. He didn’t catch them, as he was still sitting in place with his mouth open. The coins clattered to the floor.

“ _Finally_ I can talk about this.” Hange threw her hands up.

“Why are _you_ surprised, you specifically bet on this!” Nanaba reached over and pushed Mike’s mouth shut.

“It was half a joke!” He protested.

“ _Half a joke_ does sound like something you could call Levi.” Hange chortled.

Meanwhile, Gino had bent his tall frame to the floor to gather the coins. He stacked them neatly in front of Mike, unbothered by the commotion.

When Erwin walked in, the room was in this general state of chaos. He and Levi exchanged a glance, deciding to let the group enjoy this moment of lighthearted joy before breaking into the meeting.


	16. XVI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whirlwind of a chapter. You return from a dangerous expedition to retrieve a kidnapped Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for being so patient - school is ramping up for me yet again, but I will try my very best to update whenever I can. The goal is now one chapter ever 1-2 weeks. 
> 
> Next chapter will be the one that SOME of us have been waiting for. I'll clearly mark 18+ on the title so those of you uncomfortable with adult content can skip. I'll try to make the story flow even if you skip the next chapter as well.
> 
> I also wanted to say that because of this pandemic it's been hard to socialize - so this community has been a good source of support for me. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I hope that my writing has also been a source of entertainment/support for you as well! Feel free to reach out with any feedback/comments as always. Thank you for reading!

Ch 16

The air of unease was clear in the regiment. The cadets from the 104th regiment had been removed to a remote location due to their association with Annie Leonhardt. Most people didn’t know what was going on – since the titans had been discovered in the walls, the veterans were on edge.

His thoughts wandered to you, out in the rural area with Miche’s squad and the cadets. Levi understood with his head why you had to be on another squad. Now they had received news that there were titans inside the walls. If Wall Rose was breached, it would be catastrophic. The scouts would group at Ermich district and try to seal the presumed hole. 

\----

The mood was glum. You were sad that you had to suspect your friends – but there was no choice. You sat with Mike and Nanaba on the rooftop, keeping watch. Mike jumped up, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Titans are coming from the South.” He announced.

You stood up in a panic as well, but couldn’t see anything in your line of sight.

“Touma, take a horse and report this to the commanders. Rest of us, we will take the cadets and notify the surrounding villages.”

“Yes sir!” Mike’s squad leapt into action.

You moved to get to the ground – you trusted Mike more than your own instincts. At that moment, you saw the first of them on the horizon, distant dots that would inevitably become giant in the near future.

\----

You and the veterans had split up the cadets into groups. You were about to split off when you noticed the titans uncharacteristically chasing after your group. Mike had noticed as well.

“Gelgar! I’m leaving you in charge of the South squad!”

With that, Mike split off from the group, disappearing into the buildings. His intention was to fight them off himself. As capable as he was, you didn’t like him going off alone.

“Wait, Mike!” Nanaba yelled, clearly worried.

You assessed the situation. Nanaba would need to stay to keep the North squad together.

“I’ll go with him!” You sped after him. Nanaba nodded as you departed the group as well.

You and Mike quickly knocked down the titans. After slicing the nape of your third, you landed inside a house that was already wrecked open on one side. Taking a breath, you looked around. Four more were bumbling about, but nothing you couldn’t handle with Mike at your side.

At that moment, you felt heavier footsteps rumbling through the ground. A furry, gorilla-like titan unlike any other was walking by. As you were gaping at it, it picked up Mike’s horse and threw it at him. You couldn’t quite see what happened to Mike, and you were shocked into stillness. It was capable of planning. It had intelligence.

As it walked to the clearing, and you hid behind a wall on instinct. Was it… _speaking_ to Mike? You couldn’t quite believe your ears. Mike yelled something back as it reached for him. Your feet twitched, instinctively trying to jump for him, but you stopped yourself as it pulled off his ODM gear and left him behind. If you both died, it would all be for nothing.

“ _Finish him.”_ The creature said over his back, walking away. Those were definitely words. A chill ran through you.

The titans began closing in on Mike – now was your time to act. There were too many for you to clean up now on your own. You swung through the crowd of titans, as quietly as possible in case you drew the attention of the beast. You stabbed the one holding Mike in the eye and left your blade there. You quickly grabbed a stunned Mike and shot back towards your horse. You were running on pure adrenaline, your tired arms somehow able to hold onto the large man by his waist.

You made an ungraceful landing in the grass, both rolling multiple times before stilling. You stumbled over to Mike to check on him. He appeared unhurt, save for superficial scratches, but in significant shock. His eyes were empty. As you rode away, Mike remained silent. Neither of you could have predicted the shocking things happening at all fronts at this time, and what was to come.

\----

There was no breach found in the walls. Nanaba and Gelgar had sacrificed their lives protecting the cadets. Eren was kidnapped by Bertholdt and Reiner, the spies they had been trying to tease out. You had left with Erwin and the scouts for the retrieval mission while he waited at headquarters with Hange, who had been knocked out by the colossal titan – Bertholdt – before they took Eren.

Levi received news of the regiment from a messenger. Eren had been retrieved, despite many casualties. The battered regiment was on their way back. The hours went by painfully.

As soon as the patients began flooding into the wards, he stood up. Things had clearly not gone according to Erwin’s plan. He knew there was a chance. _A chance of what?_ Of losing people important to him. It happened every time. Who this time? _Maybe Erwin? Maybe Mike? Maybe –_ He knew he shouldn’t have. He really did. But he selfishly had taken a chance with you anyway, done whatever the fuck he wanted, and now he was paying the price, dragging you down with him.

An emptiness began to fill him. He quickly separated himself from the feeling, letting his rational side take over. In this moment, he was an outsider with no vested interests. He had to be, to endure it. Sounds dulled, colours dimmed. He focused on the familiar faces one by one, noting their anguish. Each one was a check mark on his mental list – no more, no less. You were here, or you were not. There would be no further meaning.

Levi’s eyes caught you the moment you rushed through the doorway pushing a gurney. His eyes made a rapid screen – you were looking roughed up, but overall unharmed. Then he noticed the large, unconscious blonde man on the bed. He quickly made his way over.

“He’s going to make it.” You noticed him coming over and placed a hand on his shoulder. You looked into his eyes with earnest confidence. He believed you.

“And I’m okay.” Levi felt his breath hitch. It was as if he had blocked his thoughts until this point, and things had only begun to flow again with your statement. He felt his senses sharpen again. He held your gaze for a brief moment before you were whisked away into the crowd of the injured.

Levi looked down at Erwin, who was missing his right arm. He looked unbelievably pale. A tourniquet had been tightly wrapped just below his shoulder. He seated himself next to his bed and pulled the blankets a little higher over Erwin’s chest. From there he watched the chaos unfold in the ward. You and Gino whipped from one bed to the next, triaging and assigning tasks. You had jumped from one battlefield into the next – and in this one, he couldn’t be of any help to you.

But you were here. And you were okay.

\----

Few hours later, all the urgent patients had been managed already. You had been able to shower off the blood and have a quick meal. By the time a concerned Gino approached you, it was morning – the sun was up already.

“Hey, why don’t you head to your room.” Gino said placing a hand on your shoulder. “The headquarters medics have things covered. They’ll call us if they need anything.”

Your gaze swept the full ward. “I just wanted to make another round. The Commander is due for another dose of painkiller soon and – ”

“I got it. I wasn’t the one out in the action all day, F/N. Please go rest, unless you want me to feel even more useless.” Gino herded you to the door. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

You knew he was right. Giving Gino an appreciative smile, you walked through the empty halls to your bedroom, feeling the breeze through the white patient dress you had changed into to get out of your dirty uniform. Things had not sunk in for you yet. Scenes from the day flashed in your mind. The people you had trusted, turning into titans before your very eyes, turning to fight the people they had lived alongside all these years. The titans – oh god, the titans. Erwin being snatched from his horse. You trying to tie the tourniquet on his shoulder, slippery with blood, while he clenched his teeth in pain. The armoured titan being attacked by a horde of its own kind. Everything was a blur, memories appearing in bursts.

You weren’t sure if you could handle any deep reflection at the moment. You chose to block it out for now and fell into bed. Sleep found you faster than you had expected, your tired body shutting down almost as soon as you closed your eyes.

\----

As soon as Hange was awake, Levi updated her on the situation. The next day, she led the debrief meeting with the surviving squad leaders in Erwin’s place. He heard firsthand of the accounts of the terrible happenings. All the deaths. How Erwin had lost an arm, and nearly his life. How Eren had discovered a new ability in the midst of battle.

Mike also shared how the newly observed beast titan was able to speak. When he told the group of how you pulled him out of the cluster of titans, Levi flinched. Of course you were there. What if the thing had seen you? You could have been eaten then and there.

When Erwin woke up, they went to see him as well. Erwin was looking haggard, but he was alert. His arm had been better patched up by you and Gino overnight, and the stump was expertly bandaged. An IV drip was transfusing blood into his left arm.

“…It’s too bad about your arm.”

“I’d pay well more than an arm, you know that, Levi.”

He couldn’t imagine how Erwin was feeling. Losing an arm effectively meant retirement from the front lines. His mind was certainly just as crucial for the regiment, but for Erwin, who _needed_ to be in the thick of it, how would he take this?

“She was the first to get to me, you know that? I thought it might actually be the end for me there. When it dropped me to the ground, and I could see my own blood… But it didn’t feel like mine. I felt at peace.”

“I hope you understand the line between sacrifice and suicide, Erwin.” Levi said dryly.

Erwin chuckled. “She yelled something about that too. Fought off a titan and yelled at me by name to get my _shit_ together and stay. I figure that was your foul language rubbing off?”

To be quite honest, Levi thought you always had it in you. You had much more fire than you let on. But he couldn’t quite smile at this, imagining you and Erwin in that desperate situation. He could have lost both of you.

Then the horrifying revelation came – there was a good chance the titans were previously human. He had been cutting up humans. Without really letting that sink in, the meeting continued. The conversation continued to plan on how to proceed from here.

Once the meeting was over, everyone left to take a break. Levi leaned against the wall outside Erwin’s room. He felt like his head was about to burst from the all the information. His feet naturally made their way towards your room. There was no response to his knocking. Unreasonable panic filled him. He calmed himself down, reminding himself of seeing you return safely last night. He carefully opened the door, and there you were, soundly asleep.

He pulled the chair to your bed so he could sit close by. He brushed your hair from your face, and tenderly held your cheek in his palm. Just being in your presence made him feel better. After watching you this way for a while, he found a pile of papers by your bed. No doubt you were planning on working right after waking up. Pulling on his glasses, he picked up a pen and began filling them in, easing into the monotonous rhythm of paperwork to rest his racing mind.

\----

When you opened your eyes after a long sleep, it was evening. The sky was turning purple outside your window. You stretched your arms above your head.

“Awake?” A familiar voice made you roll over.

He was sitting by your bed, doing your paperwork in the glasses you loved so much.

“Levi?” You sleepily reached your hand out. He dropped the papers and his glasses on your bedside table. He bent over in his chair and held your hand in both of his. A comfortable silence passed as he rubbed his thumb over your knuckles, drawing little circles around each one.

“Heard you’ve been busy out there. Saved half the regiment or something like that.” He said, eyes on your joined hands. He looked down somehow.

You smiled at his exaggeration, before letting it fall from your face. _Not everyone,_ you thought of Nanaba, who had been joking with you only a few days ago. You felt a pang in your chest. Levi had known her much longer. He had known everyone lost on this expedition much longer. You ached for him.

You sat up to pull him onto the bed. He followed your lead without much resistance, muttering something about wearing his ‘outside clothes on the bed’ that you chose to ignore. Despite his grumbling, he settled quickly into your arms. He burrowed his head into the crook of your neck and pulled you in closer, sighing into your chest. There were no words you could offer him now that would suffice. You just held him a little tighter.

“I’ve never felt like this before.” He said.

“Like what?”

You were worried – had the deaths of this expedition finally pushed him over the edge? He breathed out shakily. His hands balled into fists at your back. You could tell he was upset.

“You were the one thing I allowed myself…” His voice was so soft, you had to lean in closer. You held your breath, waiting for him to continue.

“When I was waiting for the regiment to return, I wondered if I was getting my share for taking someone I don’t deserve.” He said flatly.

You were taken aback. You had no idea he had been thinking this way. Of course you disagreed. How was any of this his fault? Even if you had died, it would have been unrelated to Levi’s relationship with you. You had to understand his thinking was different from yours – he locked himself away after getting hurt a countless number of times. He would find a way to blame himself somehow. You knew any shallow reassurances would only make him spiral deeper. You didn’t know how to comfort him, the strongest person you know.

“…I know that our jobs put us at a higher risk for ending our lives in an untimely manner. I’m not going to promise something like ‘I’ll survive every time’.” You started softly. He looked up at your voice, grey eyes somewhat unfocused.

“But I’ve really thought about this. What I _can_ promise you, is that I will be doing everything I can to come back to you. I will never give up as long as you won’t either. You give me something to come back to. And I will never, ever, regret meeting you and falling for you, because having you, makes me stronger.”

\----

The word was terrified. When he thought about losing you, he couldn’t breathe. After all that he had been through, and everyone he had lost, you were the one person he couldn’t bear to lose after it all. He felt lightheaded, feeling a familiar loss settling into the pit of his stomach despite the fact you were right there.

“…I will never, ever, regret meeting you and falling for you, because having you, makes me stronger.”

Just like that, you pulled him back to the surface. Determination shone in your eyes. Whoever gave him the nickname of Humanity’s Strongest, clearly had never met you. He couldn’t look away.

“I tried to push you away.” _Because I couldn’t let myself get attached. But now it’s too late._

“You didn’t try very hard then, because I’m still here.”

“I guess I didn’t.” You were absolutely right. You both knew he was more than capable of cutting you off. He didn’t because he didn’t want to – something had stopped him from keeping you out.

“And I’m not going anywhere so don’t even try.” He could hear the smile in your voice.

You pressed your lips to his forehead. He believed you. He believed you because once he heard those words, he realized that was the way he felt about you. You made him stronger. You gave him something to come home to, rather than something to sacrifice himself for. And now, you were saying that he was that for you. He had never felt so _loved._

“…I love you, Levi.”

Levi took a moment to decide if you had actually said that, or if he had willed his tired mind into hallucinating his wishes. He looked up.

“I love you.” You said it again. Your eyes were so sincere, bright with your love for him.

Illogically, he felt warmth at his eyes. To stop you from noticing, he gave into the urge to kiss you. You easily accepted him like it was the most natural thing in the world, wrapping your arms around him. He gave your bottom lip a gentle suckle. He repositioned above you to kiss you deeper. He raised himself to look at your face – you looked a little tearful yourself. He smiled, thinking that he would tease you if he didn’t think he looked like that himself. You pulled him down again, tenderly kissing his neck in a way that made heat shoot down his abdomen. He wanted you to be closer, he wanted you so close that he felt like you were one with him.

His breathing was becoming heavier. Every place of his body touching yours tingled pleasurably. This was probably where he should offer a pause, give you a way out.

Levi wanted you to stay.


	17. XVII (18+)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ******Vanilla NSFW****** 
> 
> Your first time together. If you're underage or don't like smut, please skip this chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a while to think about this chapter. I can't imagine him being that rough, especially the first time around. As much as I like things a little spicier in the real world, this turned out pretty vanilla given where the characters are at in the narrative. That being said I am definitely open to reasonable developments in this department if you guys would like.... 🥰 This is my first time writing smut, and I am BLUSHING. I have no experience so feedback would be appreciated. Definitely tons of room for improvement! If you have favourite smut pieces.. please feel free to share so we can all enjoy together 👀 Tell me what you guys want more or less of, and I will try to make it work.
> 
> In other news, still waiting for anime recommendations from y'all experts.
> 
> Thanks for waiting for my slow writing and continuing to read!!!! I look forward to posting every time thanks to you guys.

“I love you.”

The following kiss had you melting in his arms. His thick arms strained against his shirt in a way that made you squirm. The hard planes of his chest you felt against your soft one – you groaned.

_Why did he stop?_

Except you knew. You remembered him buttoning up your shirt at the kitchen. You remembered his hands chastely remaining on your back rather than coming around to the front of your torso during your many nights together. Unlike his public persona, this man was absolutely soft, and he was trying to be a goddamn gentleman again.

_Oh no you don’t._

Your lips worked up to the angle of his jaw, feeling his arms tense on either side of you. You sucked on the soft skin there and let out a breath by his ear. You were going to break him down. He groaned. You watched his ear turn bright red. _Success_.

“F/N….please.” Levi said pleadingly. You felt a rush of power at his needy voice, so uncharacteristic for him.

“Yes?” You asked.

“…” He didn’t answer, his stormy eyes giving away his inner conflict.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I don’t want to rush you.”

“There’s no one else I’d want my first time to be with.” You offered, swallowing down the embarrassment.

His eyes widened before he answered. “Me too.”

“…It’s _your_ first time?”

“Yes.”

You stared in surprise. _Unbelievable._ People really left him alone for three decades? He could have been with a different woman, or man, every day of the week if he had wished so. No, he probably avoided them. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize your silence had gone on for almost thirty seconds.

“I’m… familiar with the mechanics of it.” He said, looking away from your face with pink cheeks.

You snorted. “So am I.”

“Then we’ll figure it out. I’m rather good at using my body.”

 _That_ made you blush. You saw the mischievous glint in his eye – he was definitely teasing you.

He started a slow kiss that began to heat you up from the inside out. He pressed himself closer on to you, trying to meld your bodies into one. His weight was pleasant on your body. His hand caressed your hair, unintentionally ghosting by your ear. You whimpered quietly. His eyes flashed silver.

“Here?” He whispered, lips nipping at your ear.

He slowly dragged his lips down the side of your neck, breathing in your familiar scent. Shivers traveled down you. You hugged his back harder, encouraging him to continue.

Levi felt the flimsy hospital gown between his fingers. He wanted it off. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable if he undressed first, though. He leaned back to impatiently undo some of the buttons on shirt, keeping the heated eye contact between you. Eventually he just opted to throw it off above his head. The way you were looking at him, all pink and wide eyes, made him want to do things to you, things he wouldn’t ever be able to say out loud.

You watched as he pulled his shirt off while straddled on top of your legs, shaking his hair out afterwards. Holy walls, here was every woman’s dream, on top of you in bed. Finally, you could see the muscles that had teased you from under his shirt from the very first day. On his pale skin were a countless number of scars marking his chest haphazardly, small and large, shallow and deep. You traced a particularly noticeable gash from his shoulder down his chest, entranced in how the muscle tensed under your touch.

“You are so… beautiful.” You breathed out. You meant every word.

“Nothing nice to look at.” He said gruffly, rather embarrassed at your direct gaze on his body.

You ran your palms down his chest and stomach to feel every ridge of the muscles there. The way his eyes fluttered shut and trembled didn’t go unnoticed. You grinned and wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to his heart.

“Hmm.” You smiled, sitting up to kiss his neck. “I think it’s very nice.”

“Cheeky.”

He pushed you back again, and your head gently hit the bed. His hands made their way behind your neck to untie the top knot of your gown. You shivered as the strings slid across your nape.

“Can I…?”

“Yes.” You were sure. He could do whatever he wanted.

Levi kissed your neck as he slowly moved the fabric down your chest. He kept the gown there mostly for the sake of your embarrassment – it wasn’t doing much at this point. His body was now quite settled between your legs. His lips followed, moving down to your collarbones, then to your breast. You felt a jolt when his lips, then his wet, textured tongue, connected with your nipple. A feeling unlike any other you had felt shot up to your head, and down to your core. Every swipe of his tongue built up the feeling, and you squirmed under his touch. Once in a while he looked up to meet your eyes, and you saw something stormy there, something you had seen flashes of before. You felt an unfamiliar dampness in your underwear.

“Nngh…. Hn.” Sounds you had never made before were leaving your mouth, though you tried to stop them.

While you were occupied with these new sensations, you still felt his hand wander down your waist, over your hip, and down to your knee. The hand began travelling up the back of your leg this time, making you bend your knees to his touch. Your toes began to curl as his hands gently squeezed your thigh, moving closer to your center –

Then he stopped moving. He hesitantly looked up at you, slight furrow in his handsome face. The way this man flipped back and forth between being feral and hesitant was going to give you whiplash. He sure as hell wasn’t allowed to back out now.

He panted, looking like it would kill him to stop. “We can stop. If anytime you – ”

“I like you.” That shut him up into a flustered silence. You filed this newfound skill in your brain for future use. “But if you stop again, I might like you a little less.” You blushed at your own bold words.

Levi was stunned – you always found a way to surprise him. Then he broke into a gentle smile. Giving you a kiss, he pulled the gown off you and threw it off the bed. In the dim lighting he appreciated your body glowing in the darkness – how did someone so beautiful want _him_? He ran an appreciative hand down your side. He covered your form with his, pressing kisses into your forehead. One hand slid into your underwear. You shivered.

Theoretically, Levi did not know where anything was. What he did know, was that you were not opposed to his touch, and he would be watching you to make sure he didn’t hurt you in any way. He slid his middle finger between your folds with gentle pressure, feeling the wetness lubricate his movements. He found the entrance and pushed one finger in. You took a breath in and tightened your arms at his neck. His other hand was behind your head, holding it to his as he whispered comforting words.

Dear Maria, he hoped he was doing this right.

“Levi…more.” You whispered. You were embarrassed, probably flushed to your toes, but you couldn’t afford to be shy. This surprisingly sensitive man needed nothing more than a hint of hesitation from you to stop, and you _definitely_ didn’t want him to stop. His hands that you knew were capable of doing terrible damage, were touching you unbelievably softly.

He gently pushed in a second, then a third finger. He bit his lip as he felt you tightening around his fingers. He pressed his palm to your mound with gentle pressure, giving you more pleasurable tingles. He was better able to feel you tense around him this time and circled his digits, rubbing your walls in a swirl.

“Mm.” The cutest whimper left your lips. He could see a mixture of desire and embarrassment on your face, clearly encouraging him to continue. It was a new expression – one that only he would be privy to.

 _What if I –_ He experimentally curled his fingers as he gently pumped.

“Ah!” Your back arched, pushing you up against him. He liked that reaction. He committed this sequence to memory, repeating it over and over, making you more vocal. Suddenly, you tensed and trembled against him. _Was that…?_

You covered your face with your hands. You couldn’t believe you came already.

“You are so perfect.” He whispered against your temple.

“Can I… help you as well?” It really wasn’t fair that he made you feel this good already, and you hadn’t done anything for him.

“That would be nice, except I’m already…”

He watched your eyes travel down to his lower body, where there was a very clear outline against his pants. You were blushing furiously. _How adorable._ Although he was certain he would be a blushing mess if he ever were able to take you up on the offer.

“Then… can I take this off?” You looked up at him, not realizing the weight of your words on him.

Now he was certain he was red. Sometimes you were so provocative out of nowhere, and he wasn’t prepared. Head completely empty, he honestly nodded.

You pulled him towards you by his belt. He held himself above you, eyes glued on your small fingers. His belt clasp made a _clack_ as you undid it, and Levi swore he could feel it reverberate through his body. He felt his pants become a little tighter. You pulled the belt apart and unbuttoned his pants, making his hypersensitive body shiver at the sensation. He stepped off the bed to pull the rest of his garments off, grinning at the way you looked pointedly away from him as he did so.

“So Hange has left me with some gifts as well.” You smiled shyly, pointing at the dresser.

Levi immediately understood and pulled out the condoms from the drawer. He put it on, hating that Hange was impacting the mood even without being here. He had to admit, neither of you would have known where to get condoms without her though. He shook his head, ridding his thoughts of his aggravating friend.

“You’re sure.”

“Absolutely sure.”

The way he was looking at you made your mouth dry. Eyes half closed, silver burning intensely under the lids, focused on your form as you pulled your underwear off. He rolled you on top to straddle him and sat up to lean against the headboard. You hugged him so he wouldn’t be able to stare more.

“I thought it might be easier if you… if you did it at your pace.” His eyes flitted between yours to seek your consent.

You could feel his rock hard member pressing into the back of your thigh. Reaching a hand behind you blindly, you wrapped your hand around it. He groaned audibly. His grip on your hip strengthened. Okay, it was a little thicker than you had imagined, and a slight concern about him _fitting_ sprouted in your mind.

You slowly lowered yourself, until you felt him at your entrance. You couldn’t help but look at him in this moment, and your eyes met his. He was flushed, lips slightly open, observing your face for any signs of discomfort. How you loved him. You continued moving down, feeling him stretch you until you were seated on him skin to skin. There was almost no pain except at the very beginning, with how wet you were already. You felt… full. You blushed at the thought.

The man could not believe how perfect you were. Levi groaned as he felt you wrap around him. More than the overwhelming pleasure, he felt so complete. In his rapture he forgot to be embarrassed for his corny thoughts. He pulled your head down for a long kiss, tongues tangling into each other in a heated mess. His hands roamed down your back to your hips. His hand sunk into supple flesh at your ass, making him dazed. The only thing audible in the room were your pants and the wet sounds of your tongues colliding.

“Can I move?” You pulled back, bringing him back to the moment.

“Yes.” He panted, peppering your shoulders with kisses. How _lucky_ he was.

You began by slowly circling your hips, then settled into a rhythm of rolling front to back. You revelled in how your movements were undoing him below you, looking up at you like you were his entire world. His breathing grew heavier and heavier mixed in with some low grunts. His lips moved down to your chest, kissing you haphazardly there and giving you added pleasure. His hands at your rear helped you move with more ease, the occasional squeeze giving you shivers. This felt _good_. You could feel him press against different areas inside you as you rocked. A delicious, tense sensation rippled from inside out making you gasp and moan. Looking at how tense his jaw was, you were certain his teeth were gritted. At least you weren’t the only one hot and bothered.

The little noises coming from you delighted him. You could be so erotic – who knew? Your small movements felt heavenly, but he wanted more. Nipping at your chest, he pushed you back until he was on top of you. He slid almost all the way out before slowly pushing back in. He felt your ridges massage his member, squeezing each time he sucked on your skin – it was dizzying, his head clouding over. He tried to focus on you to prevent an early end to his pleasure. He repeated the sweet movement, hips rolling sensually against yours, all the while kissing your ear. Levi sped up subconsciously at the delicious noises and faces you were giving him.

You were squirming under him, seeing stars with each kiss he sucked onto your chest. The sensations were different from before. The initial push at your entrance, the satisfying little _smacks_ at the end of your canal, and his pubic bone pressing into your clit all brought little bursts of pleasure with each thrust. You had a magnificent view of his chest in this position, covered in a slight sheen from current activities. Your hazy mind allowed you to run your hand down his chest. You paid particular attention at the nipple, making sure to flick it on your way down. That earned you a throaty grunt. You looked up at him – strands of hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, eyes intensely focused on your face.

“Mmn…!” You moaned louder as he bottomed out with a particularly luscious _smack_ against you.

“Hurts?” He frowned.

“Oh god, please keep going.”

He gladly obliged. His chest pressed down onto yours, hard pecs massaging your breasts with each movement. The way he was gliding against your walls kept coiling you up tighter and tighter. You tried to arch your back to cope with the sensation but it was impossible with his hot, muscled torso pressing you down. The warmth in your core is getting almost unbearable at this point, his hard length hitting a cushiony spot inside you that makes your breath hitch. He doesn’t miss it, pressing into the spot again and again, harder and harder, the lascivious sounds ringing in the room, _slap, slap, slap,_ until – 

“Levi, Levi….Ah! Mn!”

Your second orgasm of the night ripples through you, much stronger than the first. You feel yourself impossibly tense, legs curling around him and nails digging into his biceps, as you fall from the cliff he has been pushing you up all evening. He presses his lips on yours to swallow your moan. You can feel his own groan vibrating on your lips, heightening your arousal. You tightening around him triggers his own release, the pleasure washing over in waves as his movements stutter to a stop.

You both laid there for a minute, just relishing in the feeling of being connected. He hugs you close, pressing his lips to wherever he could reach of your face, hoping he can make you feel as loved as you make him feel. Your soft giggle breaks you both out of your reverie.

“Time for a bath?”

“I’m too sleepy.” You cuddle into his chest. He automatically begins to stroke your back.

“Come, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Levi coaxes you to the bathroom, where he runs a warm bath for both of you. His fingers gently brushed the wet strands from your face, and helped you rinse off the sweat from your body. Leading you out of the tub, he wrapped a big towel around you before carrying you back to bed. You snuggled into the blankets, hands reaching out for his warmth. He gathers you into his arms. He’s whispering something at your ear, but you can’t quite focus enough to comprehend. You were so sleepy, so relaxed, that you forgot to be embarrassed. You would save that for the morning.

\----

BONUS: In case you were curious about where Levi got his education…

One night a few years ago, after returning from a successful expedition, the whole regiment was drinking to celebrate. One table in particular was getting loud with their scandalous discussion. Erwin, Hange, and Levi were sitting in the next table over, listening to the conversation that had gotten quite raunchy over the last few rounds of drinks. The topic had ranged from favourite positions, to body parts, to specific skills employed to gain a lady’s favour.

“The key is power. Let her know who’s the boss in bed.” Oluo said, banging his fist on the table for emphasis.

“I don’t think that works on real women, fella.” Mike said, making their table burst out in jeers.

“Listen to them go! Young and hot-blooded.” Erwin laughed, in a good mood, and likely a little drunk.

“Like you’re not one of them.” Levi clicked his tongue before finishing his drink. How many had he had? Fuck it, it was a good night, and good nights were rare.

“What do you mean, I’m the perfect gentleman.”

“The fuck you are.”

Erwin grinned. “Don’t listen to them. The real secret is to always leave them wanting more.”

 _Then you wring them dry of favours, the conniving bastard._ Levi narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re just as sketchy as the rest of them.”

Hange gave Erwin a good smack on the back, making him choke on his beer. “Not you, too. Don’t go giving him weird lessons, he doesn’t know any better.”

“I know how things work.” Levi piped up, a little looser than usual.

“All right then buddy, what do you think the key is?” Erwin raised one magnificent eyebrow.

“Respect.” A quite drunk Levi answered assuredly. He had seen so many men come and go in the Underground. The one thing they never seemed to be capable of, he would be sure to possess.

Erwin smiled genuinely.

“Looks like you’re going to do fine on your own.” Hange said, ruffling Levi’s hair.

Levi fought off Hange’s hands. He should really stop coming to these drinking nights. They always devolved into gossip about women and sex, and what was he going to use all this information for anyway?


	18. XVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite your sweet night together, the plot thickens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!!
> 
> I've begun to plan my next piece. I think it will be Haikyuu-related, after time skip. Considering making it a huge project, kind of like choose-your-own-boyfriend out of the entire SELECTION that author has decided to provide us with. You you have any suggestions for other works I am open as well! I always love hearing from you guys and knowing what you're reading/watching.
> 
> In other news, I want to keep thanking people who leave comments and feedback. Sometimes it feels like I'm monologuing when I post, so it's nice to know that there are actual people reading my work!!
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well. I'm located in North America so it's been a TIME the last few weeks, especially today. Regardless of where you are, I hope you're all taking care of yourselves and that you and your loved ones are safe. As always, thanks for reading!

Levi woke up at his usual early hour. He had been sleeping so well in recent weeks, his chronic insomnia somehow an issue of the past. He was certain it was you that had this effect on him. You were asleep facing him, soft breaths leaving you in wisps. He watched your rounded shoulders rise and fall. He felt like he was watching a kitten sleep. Your hair was in disarray all over your face. He pushed the strands over your shoulder. He reminisced about the time all those months ago when you had treated his knee, how he hadn’t been able to touch your locks then. He had thought he could resist you – how laughable the idea was now. He tightened his arms around your bare back, pulling you in closer. He nuzzled your face and kissed your hair and forehead. Your soft warmth gave him comfort. You squirmed and open your eyes.

“Hi.” He noted how sickeningly sweet his voice was, but could not bring himself to care.

“Mrm.” You opened your eyes briefly, not really awake, and smiled when you found his face.

You wiggled a little to get your hand on his chest then contentedly fell back asleep. Levi was overcome with an indescribable feeling – his heart felt like it was expanding, filling and filling with warmth until he could float away. A word unrelated to his general being until recent days sprouted in his consciousness. He couldn’t help but squeeze you again. This time, you woke up.

“Good morning.” You mumbled, burying your face into his bicep.

 _Hello my love. I love you._ “Good morning.”

One day, he would say it out loud.

\----

As you began to wake up, the memories from the previous night became clearer. You had said some things. And made some noises. And done some things. _He_ had also done all those things. You weren’t sure how to act yet, and you were finding it a little hard to meet his eyes without blushing. Wrapping yourself in blankets, you turned to look at him. As you watched him pull on his boxers you noticed fresh red streaks on his back. Oh god, had you done that? You got up to touch his back. He turned to face you, giving you a view of more scratches on his arms.

“I think I did this to you.” You bit your lip, assessing the damage done. He looked like a goddamn scratching post.

“I’m actually sure you did this to me.”

You gave him a pout at his playful tone. “What if it scars?”

“Then they will be my favourite ones.”

“Levi!”

“I would take a look at yourself first before you get too upset.”

You turned your gaze down to see little blooms of pink across your chest, some already turning purple. You looked up at Levi with your eyes wide. You hadn’t noticed these being created; at the time, you had been a little… occupied. You began to feel embarrassed, thinking of the night before. Thankfully, an interruption arrived in the form of a familiar black cat jumping through your window. It had been frequenting your room since you moved in, through a convenient tree branch above your sill. You had formed quite an attachment.

“You’re back!” You gratefully turned your attention to the small animal rubbing against your leg, picking him up naturally.

\----

“You know this cat?” Levi looked at it skeptically. He recognized the cat from the night he first kissed your forehead. Remembering the role it played in helping him meet you that night, he softened his gaze.

“He’s friendly.” You pushed it into his arms, where it began to purr. “And he likes you!”

“I think this is the one that amputated Kirstein in training.”

“I don’t think so, seeing as he had all his limbs the last I saw him.” You huffed, leaning in to coo at the cat.

Your hair brushed against his arms. His mind wandered as he remembered your locks cascading in waves with his movements last night. Then you turned to put your uniform on. As you changed, you self-consciously adjusted the collar on your shirt, making sure it was buttoned up to the top. Levi had been sure to not mark up your neck, but he wanted you to know they were there… and think of him every time you thought of those marks. A knock made his gaze sharpen again.

“F/N? It’s me.” _Read the mood, Gino._ Levi shot irritation at the innocent man behind the door.

“Levi.” You turned to his semi-clad figure.

“Yes.”

“Closet.”

He raised his eyebrow. Were you really going to stick him in the closet like you were teenage brats hiding from your parents?

Yes, yes you were. He was herded into the closet with the cat still in his arms, you throwing the remainder of his attire after his shirtless form. You gave him an apologetic look and a peck on the cheek before firmly shutting the door. Levi sighed and sat down under your hanging shirts in the darkness. The cat quickly settled into his lap, closing his eyes contentedly.

He could hear you greet Gino and let him into the room. Levi heard the bedsprings creak – _twice._ _Are they sitting on the bed together?_ He petted the cat, trying to avoid imagining the scene. The cat purred and flipped over to show his belly. Gino asked about how you were feeling and updated you on patients and the general situation.

“Are you really okay? You know I would do anything for you. Anything you need, let me know.” _That would be my job_ , Levi thought, disgruntled. Another _creak._

Levi imagined Gino leaning towards you, his big frame looming over your small one, perhaps petting your head as he had seen him do before.

 _Okay, that’s enough._ Levi made a move to stand up but his elbow hit the door first. It opened a few inches – he froze. There was silence outside. Maybe he should have thought about this more before acting. How ridiculous would he look stepping out of your closet? The cat looked up at him as if to ask what he was doing, black fur gleaming in the sliver of light. _Thank you for your sacrifice, cadet._ With that thought, he threw the cat out of the closet, and he landed on the floor with an upset yowl.

“You have a cat?” Gino sounded surprised.

“Oh – haha! Yes! I have this cat! My cat! Silly kitty! What were you doing in there!” He could imagine the panic on your face and smiled to himself.

“What’s his name?”

“…Captain!” Levi snorted, trying to muffle the sound in the crook of his elbow.

“Captain?”

“Captain.”

\----

After that Gino left, promising to see you at breakfast. Your hunger became painfully obvious at the mention of food – now that the butterflies had left, your stomach was completely empty. The embarrassment would need to be set aside for some sustenance. You turned to the guilty-looking closet after the door closed.

“Captain.” You sternly called him.

Silence from the closet.

“Captain!”

“…I thought you were speaking to him.” He nonchalantly stepped out, pointing at the cat by his feet.

A puff of laughter left you. No one would believe you if you tried to expose how cute he could be. Sensing you weren’t really upset, he came closer to press a kiss into your head.

“Let’s go get breakfast before I pass out.” You mumbled before blushing a little.

\----

The meeting after breakfast felt like a bucket of ice water over your head. Eren would be going to the woods to practice hardening, and naturally Levi and Hange would follow. Gino would be going as part of the Levi squad. You felt like you were compensating for the short burst of happiness that was last night.

Before leaving, Levi dropped by your office. You looked up at him, unable to hide the stress on your face. He held your hand gently with his usual flat expression – only a select few would be able to detect the hint of softness on his face at this moment.

“Behave yourself while I’m gone.”

You smiled up at him, expecting him to leave. He didn’t. His thumb repeatedly ran over your knuckles. He seemed like he was about to say something, then decided against it. Instead, he pulled your palm to his face, leaning his cheek against it while looking down at you.

“I’ll be quick.”

“Doesn’t Eren have to be quick for that to happen?”

“Eren will be quick. I’ll make him quick.” The mildly threatening edge in his tone made you laugh.

Then he really left. You stood at your door, watching him turn the corner.

\----

The headquarters felt empty with some of the most prominent members missing. You tried to avoid thinking about Levi. Despite that he somehow worked his way into every pot of tea you made and every paper you signed. With Gino also gone, you were alone with your smaller medical branch, and you couldn’t deny you missed the company. One morning after training, you were summoned to Erwin’s office. He stood in front of his desk, looking somber. You tensed intuitively – this was going to be something important.

“We have reasonable proof that Krista – Historia Reiss, is the true heiress to the throne. I have been working on a plan to get the truth out and put her in her rightful place.”

You couldn’t hide your surprise. You had known _something_ was happening, but you had no idea it was something this big. Erwin explained the current corrupt regime’s actions, the theory behind the titans’ origin, and what he hoped to achieve from this coup d’état. Erwin’s face was hard, his voice harsh. He felt like a Commander more than any other time you had spoken to him, no trace of the warm, kind man you had come to know as he stood before you. You were behind him all the way. This must be what Levi had been working on.

“Now of course, there are people who can’t have that news spreading. The Survey Corps as an organization has been framed of murdering a citizen involved in our plan. A businessman named Reeves. They’re going to come after all of us. I’ll be the first to go. But before that, I want to give you a choice. Where do you want to be when they come for you?”

You knew your answer. You wanted to be by Levi. But you couldn’t put yourself first, not when the goal was to overthrow the corrupt regime. You made your choice.

“I will be where I am needed the most. I leave to you to make that decision, Commander.”

Erwin met your gaze for a few seconds, then turned around to write a note on his desk. You never ceased to impress him. He handed you a folded piece of paper, with a message and an address. You knew it would be best not to ask who you were going to in case you were intercepted. As he gave you the note, his hands lingered for a split second on yours.

“Be safe. Be careful.” The Erwin you knew, your friend, broke through.

You smiled. “Aren’t I always?”

With that, you left his office to pack. You would leave as soon as possible, with no idea what to expect when you got there.

\----

Levi sat outside the house watching the starry sky. Eren’s hardening practice was insufficient to save anyone at this point, and he was becoming uneasy with the proceeding of events. Pastor Nick had been murdered. Things were brewing in the background, things he couldn’t quite see clearly yet. At least you were safe at headquarters, out of the way of this incoming mess, whatever it was.

“Captain, I’m ready for night watch, come in and get some rest.” Jean stepped out the front door.

A barely perceptible rustle made him tense up. Levi put up one finger to shush a baffled Jean. He couldn’t see anyone in proximity, but he felt someone just out of visible distance. If this was a person, and not some small woodland animal, they definitely had some training. He pulled out the knife from the strap at his ankle as he moved to hide behind a tree. Jean did the same, hiding behind the post by the door. Levi saw a something a yard or so away, movements indicating a human carefully approaching the premises. He remained absolutely still until the man came within a few feet of his tree, relying on instinct to decide when to jump him. As the soft rustling moved behind him, Levi grabbed the person and threw him to the ground, his blade pressed firmly at his neck. The intruder gasped as he tried to maneuver him off, a knee coming up to hit Levi. _Tricky, but not enough._ Levi rolled away and forcefully held his throat from behind with the blade at their back, smacking them against the wall of the building. He was surprisingly light for a man.

“Captain! Stop!” Jean ran from his spot by the door. He forcefully pulled Levi’s hands from the person’s throat.

“What are you – ” Then he noticed a familiar scent. The small intruder turned to face him, hood falling down and revealing the one person he never wanted to hurt. He dropped his blade. You coughed a couple times, hands protectively at your throat.

“Oh _fuck_.” He held your face in his hands, noting the tears gathered there from his choking. He noticed blood on his hands, and quickly noted a small cut on the side of your neck with panic, likely from the scuffling on the grass. His chest felt like it was collapsing. What had he done?

\----

You probably should have announced yourself. But you just wanted to be extra careful, just until you scoped out the situation. Whoever Erwin sent you to, if they were in trouble you couldn’t help if you got embroiled as well. At least that was your reasoning for sneaking through the trees at nightfall. When you got tackled to the grass, you knew on instinct you would not be able to beat this person – they were skilled, at a level far beyond yours. Your hood obscured your vision, and as you were slammed to the wall you could only hope that they were an ally you could identify yourself to. Jean’s voice was your saving. You knew you were where Levi was then, and relief flooded you despite the lack of oxygen in that moment.

Jean was reasonably concerned. “What are you doing here? How did you get here?”

Levi seemed to be deaf to Jean’s voice. At this time his hands fluttered around your face and neck, panic apparent in his features as he mumbled profanities under his breath. You could feel his hands trembling as he caressed you, and you tried to reassure him.

“I’m okay.” You croaked, voice dropping down to a whisper at the last syllable. Levi’s brows furrowed deeper.

He started leading you inside by your wrist, then seemed to think better of it, turning around to pick you up. You began to protest, eyes flitting towards Jean who was still mid-questioning, but he silently carried you inside, leaving a confused Jean behind in the darkness.

“Well, don’t mind me, the dependable Jean Kirstein will continue guarding our crew against the forces of darkness.” Jean stated to no one as he watched the door close behind the pair of you.

He thought of the Captain panicking as he realized he hurt you. How he held your face, almost _lovingly_ if he didn’t know any better. Jean was genuinely impressed. _He really cares about us_. He nodded solemnly, touched by this somewhat misguided realization. He turned to face the woods, hands on his hips. He looked forward to the day he would be able to feel the Captain’s care directed towards him.

Behind him, candlelight softly lit up the window of Levi’s room. The curtains were pulled closed, hiding the light and the two people in the room from outside eyes.


	19. XIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief mention of unwanted touch from captors, nothing explicit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY I TOOK SO LONG.
> 
> It has been a rough month, but I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way. Feeling all kinds of tired in real life - thank you guys for being my safe happy place. Thank you for still reading, I hope you're all well!

“I’m okay!” You tried again once you entered the house.

Levi seemed to not hear you, carrying you up the stairs to his room. He set you on his neatly made bed and turned to light a candle and close the blinds. He returned to lean over you, examining the little scrapes on your face and the cut on your neck. He winced when you reached to wipe the blood gathering at your collarbone.

“Levi, this is nothing. I just need a bandage.” You held both his hands in yours to stop him from fretting. He kept avoiding your eyes while taking out supplies form the first aid box.

“I’ve had worse from training.” He didn’t respond.

 _Well, this isn’t from training. I did this to you._ He silently cleaned the wound and neatly bandaged it. He slammed the box shut. He already knew he wasn’t deserving of you. This was another flag against him in his mind.

“Levi, please look me.”

You sounded so sad. How could he say no? You placed your palm on his cheek, and he turned to hesitantly meet your eyes. You smiled as you rubbed your thumb over his face. He subconsciously leaned into your touch.

“I haven’t seen you in days and I’m just happy to be with you. It was my fault for trying to sneak up. I just wanted to make sure no one had gotten to you guys first.”

Levi internally cursed Erwin for sending you without better preparation. He didn’t want to upset you any more. He put his hand on top of yours.

“You will let me know if it hurts.”

“I promise. Can I sleep here?”

“Where else were you going to sleep?” He raised a pointed brow.

Smiling, you stood up to go change. Although he was upset with the situation Levi couldn’t help but feel comforted by your proximity. He _was_ rather happy to have you with him, seeing as headquarters would likely fall into chaos given recent events. At least he could watch you here. You stepped out of the bathroom, already having washed up and changed into his clothes. You slid under the blankets beside him, cuddling into his side.

“Goodnight Levi.” You sighed happily.

“Night.”

He adjusted his position to drape an arm over your shoulder. He would protect you no matter what. Despite his troubled mind he fell asleep easily, as he always did when you were near.

\-----

In a rare occurrence, you found yourself awake before Levi. As your eyes adjusted to the dark, you took note of your position – snugly pressed against his chest, with an arm under your neck and another hugging your head. He stirred at your movements, hugging you closer.

“Are you awake?” You whispered. His eyes remained closed, breathing steady.

You laughed quietly as you moved to get up again. He pulled you back against his chest and pressed his lips to your forehead. You barely heard the words mumbled against your skin.

“F/N…”

“What?”

“Love you.”

You sat up and stared down at him with wide eyes. He was still asleep. Could he be any more adorable? The great Captain sleep talks. You could write a book on how cute this man was. You leaned down to kiss his cheek. Levi’s eyes flew open, and he flipped you so that you were pinned on the bed looking up at him. As awareness returned to his eyes, he loosened his grip on your wrists.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you were asleep. I assaulted you. I seem to have a habit of doing that.” You smiled to comfort him, turning your head to kiss his forearm.

“I keep hurting you today.” You could see him deflate like a sad puppy, eyes leaving your face.

You pulled his head down to your chest. You ran a soothing hand down his back. “I’m actually really grateful you have these reflexes, Levi, they’re what kept you alive all these years.”

“…”

“Keep them for me, so you can keep yourself safe. I’m okay.”

“…”

“I love you.”

You could feel him relax in your arms. His fingers searched for yours under the blankets and wove in between them to hold your hand close. You didn’t need a reply from him to know he loved you – although, he had unknowingly let it slip already.

\----

Levi stood in the kitchen, hating the way this planning session was going. As soon as the house had woken up the children had latched themselves onto you. And now, you were volunteering yourself to act as decoy for Historia. He knew it was the best course of action, but he could not bring himself to agree out loud. Damn Erwin had probably thought about this possibility when he sent you here, and Levi couldn’t decide how he felt about that.

“It makes sense for me to do it. We’re about the same size. We can bleach my hair.”

“I think it would be better for me to dye mine to yours, Y/N. Then we can show it to them, they’ll have less suspicious if they think they know our disguises already.”

The meeting went on with little input from Levi. Hange and Armin didn’t need any help planning. Besides, he would only object to your role in this admittedly well-thought out scheme.

\----

As it turned out, your disguises were perfect. Not knowing anything beyond very vague descriptions, the other side had kidnapped you and Jean without a doubt. You sat in a warehouse tied to chairs facing each other.

“You aren’t as underdeveloped as I expected.” One of your captors ran his eyes down your body.

 _Well, I’m not really a teenager, you see…_ You mused internally.

The man moved around you in an appreciative circle, before settling behind you. His hand ran up your leg. You reigned in your disgusted reaction and stayed composed. You imagined kicking his crotch in to calm yourself down. Jean’s chair creaked as he tried to move towards you, but you shook your head at him. _Not yet. He still thinks I’m Historia._ You could still earn more time for this plan. You clenched your eyes shut as his hands moved to your stomach.

\----

The group had quickly found your whereabouts. The first of the cadets smashed through the window, quickly incapacitating the guards. Levi flew in behind them. He found you quickly. As soon as you saw them, you had begun to fight back. He watched you flipped the chair you were tied to, easily throwing off the man behind you and breaking the chair on top of him in the same move. As you gave the man a swift kick, Levi thought he heard you say to him, “Finally, you piece of shit.” He smirked. _What a woman_. The ambush was quick and effective.

“Good job Kirstein.” Levi walked briskly by Jean, ignoring the boy lighting up with his praise.

You were standing up, hands being untied by Mikasa. You shook out your wrists and ran a hand through your hair. His narrowed eyes took in your disheveled appearance – shirt halfway unbuttoned from the bottom, rips up the sleeve.

“You got to us before anything happened!” You insisted when you noticed his blazing gaze.

He started buttoning up your shirt but stopped abruptly when he noted small bruises on your ribcage. Upon closer look, they lined up with the orientation of fingertips, ones that must have grabbed on quite hard to leave their mark. He took a deep breath, then pulled you behind a pile of crates. Curious gazes followed the two of you. Giving them no attention, he continued his inspection in the shadow of the boxes, pulling up your skirt to find regularly spaced scrapes and little bruises up to the thigh.

“Levi.” You held his face up to meet your eyes. “I’m okay.”

He almost lost it then. “You keep saying that.” He quietly seethed.

He left you there and returned to the group. He told Hange to take you to Gino for a check-up before finding the men tied up in a corner. As he walked up to them, he roughly pulled on the collar of his shirt and undid the chest buckles of his ODM gear – he was feeling caged in, about to explode.

He approached the man you had been closest to when he arrived, noting the bruises you had inflicted on him. His eyes fell on the studded copper ring on the man’s hand. They matched the small scrapes along your thigh. Did he know how precious you were? Did he know it had taken Levi months to even admit his feelings for you? Did he know that even now, with your permission, Levi hesitates every time he touches you? What made this man think he could lay his filthy hands on the purest person in this forsaken world?

“Nice ring.” Levi’s quiet voice chilled him as he crouched down, eyes firmly trained on his ring.

“You… you want this ring? You can have it!” He exclaimed in a panic.

“You right-handed?”

“What?”

Maybe he didn’t deserve this filthy hand.

When Hange returned from dropping off the injured with Gino, she was met with a trembling man on the ground, silently writhing in pain and holding his mangled hand. Levi was wiping his boots on a nearby burlap sack. Connie stood facing her, face white in fear, silently asking for her help. She sighed. He _had_ been quite tame for a while now. She should have seen this coming.

\----

Levi perched on a rooftop with Nifa. He felt uneasy with the quietness of the situation. His thoughts turned to Kenny, the man who had taken him under his wing as a child, who had gone on to earn the title of “Throat-Slasher” after killing dozens of military police who had come after him. The enemy’s thought process was quite reminiscent of him. As soon as he finished his thoughts, a loud gunshot was followed by the spatter of flesh. Levi turned to find the man himself there, familiar still despite years spent apart.

“Yo, Levi.” His gold teeth gleamed.

“I saw you found yourself a pretty little distraction, huh? I’m proud, I would have thought your runty ass wouldn’t have been capable.”

It felt like he was a child again, facing him like this. Before he could respond, he shot at him again. Levi leapt off the roof, dodging the bullet neatly.

“KENNY!”

He was shooting to kill. Levi could feel the menace behind the aim. He dodged another bullet, then flew away towards the city. He had to get Kenny away from the targets. At least five flew after him, all equipped with the modified guns. Had Kenny and his crew joined forces with the MPs? For what reason? This was an ambush, meant to get him as much as it was to capture Eren and Historia. He shot into a bar and hid behind the counter. Using the glass bottles as his mirror, he was able to shoot Kenny out of the bar, earning him time to flee.

Upon better look, there were at least ten coming after him. Levi made a decision. He did not want to kill people. However, if it was necessary, he knew he would choose the horror of killing people over the horror of being eaten. If it was necessary, he would kill. Now was the time. With that grim resolve, he drew his blades.

\----

Eren and Historia had been kidnapped despite your best efforts. The rest of your crew had managed to return to your hiding spot. Meanwhile, Erwin had somehow flipped the game in the inner walls with the help of Clarissa, who had staged the breach of Wall Rose. The news had rippled quickly through the inner circles which had led to the current regime proving their selfish intent to only save themselves. The fake King Fritz had been dethroned.

You sat outside on the stone fence, looking up at the night sky. All in all, things had turned out better than you could have hoped for at the beginning of the ordeal – but it didn’t change the fact that two of your friends were in the hands of a very dangerous man. Could you have prevented this from happening? Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice your friend sit down next to you.

“We’ll find them.” Gino said, patting your back.

You smiled up at him. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Leaning into his shoulder in a familiar position, you sat in comfortable silence. The slam of a door made you both turn. Levi was exiting the building, walking towards the pair of you with noisy crunches on the gravel. Gino kept in his laugh at the unusual level of noise accompanying the Captain. He got the memo loud and clear. After raising his eyebrows at you, Gino walked back to the building, sharing a curt nod with the Captain.

\----

Levi had been thinking about bringing tea out to you for a chat. He had been angry with himself for letting you get hurt, even though he knew you would be very upset if you knew he had been thinking that. Then, he saw you outside with Gino. He begrudgingly watched the scene. Gino was a good friend, and a good soldier. He decided to give you a minute, tapping his finger rhythmically against the window frame. Then your shadows moved much closer together, merging into one. His finger stopped tapping. _Okay._ He opened the door and let it fall shut behind him, making a point of grinding his boot into the gravel.

Your face lit up as he approached, warming him from the inside out. What a long day this had been.

“It’s cold.” Levi threw his cape over you.

You wrapped it around you like a little cocoon. You peeked out from under the fabric, eyes curving into a smile. Despite that, he could tell you were still concerned.

“They’re smarter than I give them credit for. You already know that.”

You smiled. His words definitely weren’t as warm as Gino’s, but they were somehow more effective. He believed in them. You did as well. Levi hoped you could feel that.

“Thank you for coming back safe.” You said.

You had worried about him as well. He wanted to feel you close. Straddling the wide fence, he trapped you in his arms, bundling you inside his cape. He looked down at you with hooded eyes, enjoying the way you looked in embrace. He leaned down to place his head against your shoulder. Your hands wriggled in the cape to pat him on his chest. He puffed a small chuckle into your neck, the tickling sensation making you squirm. He pressed his lips on your pulse. _Thank you for being okay._ Then your jaw. _Thank you for existing._ Then your temple, longer this time. _Thank you for choosing me._ He pulled back to meet your eyes. The way you returned his love never failed to surprise him. He leaned down to touch your foreheads together. You moved your face to rub the tip of your nose on his, smiling in a way that made your eyes disappear into half-moons. He was overwhelmed by your presence yet again. He pressed you closer to his chest, moving to close the gap between your lips when –

\----

“AH!” Sasha’s scream pierced the air.

“What!” Connie skidded on the grass to a stop beside Sasha.

“He’s _biting_ her face.”

“Do you have eyes? It’s a kiss.” Jean said haughtily, turning the corner behind them. His tone wasn’t fooling anyone, with his face betraying his blush.

“Why would the Captain be kissing – _Oh._ ” Connie’s jaw dropped.

Levi sighed and moved off the fence. He slowly turned to face them, hiding you behind his back. Whatever expression he was making, it must be quite the face, as all their countenances lost colour. Armin, late to the scene, shrunk a little behind the taller boys.

“All right children, look away.” Gino appeared, herding the small crowd back around the building.

Your laugh made Levi turn around. “They looked like they walked in on their parents kissing!”

He scrunched up his face, looking back at the corner they had disappeared around. “Our kids are going to be way cuter than those brats.”

He seemed to realize what he said quickly, whipping his head back to check your reaction. You were still smiling warmly up at him with the stars in your eyes. Maybe you hadn’t heard? Except you definitely had. Your heart warmed. He had thought about kids?

“Kids plural? More than one? Who decided that?”

After a brief moment of hesitation, Levi apparently decided not to answer, walking away quite speedily towards the front door. You weren’t going to let this chance slip away though. You stumbled to catch up and tugged on his sleeve, teasing him more.

“What if our kid turns out like Eren? I _know_ you like Eren. Eren’s cute, isn’t he?”

He continued his silent march to the door. Although you didn’t miss the way his hand reached down to envelop yours.

Soundbites

  * He likes to watch your training sessions even though he knows it makes you a little nervous. He’s proud of how good you are, even compared to the scouts that have been here much longer. Plus, if anyone gets too close, he can always just send them on a run around the field.
  * He tones down his language when he’s around you but finds your swearing funny. He imagines a tiny puppy barking its little heart out. If he hears you swear, you can see him smirking to himself.
  * Doesn’t like it when you try to do the housework. 1. You technically have two jobs. 2. He eats more than you, so he thinks it’s only fair he does more. 3. He’s just better at it. He would rather you keep him company while he washes the teacups or sweeps the floor of the office. You’re also pretty stubborn though, so you guys often just end up doing things together.
  * Secretly loves animals, afraid of commitment to loving a specific one. You can already tell he’s soft around his horses. Now that you’ve adopted this cat, though…
  * Levi is surprised by how possessive he feels about you. Out of respect, he holds it in. He isn’t all that worried about the cadets, but he is wary of Gino, Erwin, and Mike – in that order. He thinks you have a thing for older men.
  * He has never really experienced affectionate touch since his mother passed away. Romantic touch? Never before you. He is also surprised by how much he seeks out physical affection. He would never admit it, but if you watch him in a crowd, he is frequently in contact with you – shoulders pressed together, knees touching under the table, sneaking his pinkie on yours, etc. In private settings he is a cuddler. Again, rarely verbally initiates anything, but if you’re sitting on the couch or the bed, he will come to you. He will sit very close or casually put his arms over the back/headboard until you snuggle into his embrace.
  * Sexually he’s pretty conservative, but open to experimentation _at your initiation._ His turn-on is you being turned on. Truly a win-win. I also can’t see him doing any play that even pretends to hurt you. The spiciest his imagination has gotten at this point is either doing you over a table or eating you out. Pretty vanilla stuff.
  * He has thought about the future with you, marriage, children, and beyond. He tries not to think about it more because he knows it’s not possible in current circumstances. However, it gives him even more motivation to move forward.
  * Hange constantly tries to get him to talk to her about your relationship. She has been unsuccessful so far.




	20. Chapter XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's been well! It's been a wild few months, and I've stepped away from writing to deal with the rest of my life. I thought of this community frequently though, and I am excited to return. I can't promise I will update regularly, but I promise this story will be finished well, no matter how long it takes. I have about half of the next chapter written, so the next update won't take MONTHS this time around. This chapter is shorter more of a set-up for the next couple, a little slice of uneasy peace before the storm, so to say. I am sorry I am taking so long. 
> 
> Thank you especially to the people who commented on the last chapter. Sometimes I creeped comments when I had a minute, and seeing people continue to engage with my writing really motivated me to find the time to update again. Thank you for waiting and reading! I wouldn't write if it weren't for you.

Ch 20

Hange and Levi had extrapolated the location of Eren and Historia – the Chapel. Upon arrival you had snuck your way down to the basement. You had fought through Kenny Ackerman’s gang and arrived to find Eren in the middle of a surprising conversation about the origin of titans. Then chaos had ensued. Historia refused to eat Eren, Rod Reiss became an enormous titan instead, and your team had chased him to the walls. Historia had been able to make the final cut to her own father’s titan form – she would be crowned as the rightful Queen.

\----

Levi stepped into your office, shaking out the rain in his hair. He was returning from surveying the wreck left behind at the Reiss Chapel. You threw a towel over his head and pulled the ends down to give him a kiss.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I found Kenny.”

You could tell by his voice something was off. Silently, you encouraged him to continue.

“He was my mother’s brother. My uncle. I’m an Ackerman.”

“Levi.” You held his hands tight.

No words could comfort him. His family had been found and taken from him in the same moment. Your heart clenched at the cruel situation. You didn’t want to cry before he did, you wanted to leave room for his grief – but before you knew it, tears were already falling down your face.

Levi was not bereaved by Kenny’s death. There was a strange sense of longing, for something that could have been – but ultimately whatever it could have been, it never was, and for Levi there was nothing for him to grieve.

“Why are you crying, it’s nothing to cry over.” His soft touch on your face belied his harsh words.

“I just keep thinking about little Levi and how – how you deserved so much love.”

Your eyes kept filling with tears for a child he had long abandoned in the past. Somehow, you consoled that angry, sad child in him. He wished you could understand how much comfort your presence provided him. How much more he was able to enjoy life because of you. How losing Kenny might have been upsetting, but with you, he was able to let go and look to the future.

“If I lived with Kenny, I would have been a scoundrel – even more than I am now.” He said.

“You aren’t a scoundrel!” You pouted.

“So you think.” His eyes gleamed playfully as he let his hands slide down your side to your hips, giving you a little squeeze there.

“Levi!” Your eyes widened at his out-of-character teasing. You were now laughing through your tears. He always wanted you to smile.

As long as you were here, he had nothing to grieve.

\----

After Historia’s coronation, she had asked for Levi’s input on creating a support system for the orphans of the underground. To the surprise of many – but not to you – he had readily agreed and provided significant time and insight for the project.

You were waiting for Levi to finish the meeting, leaning on the stone railing in the outdoor hallway, enjoying the warm weather. He emerged from the room clad in his formal military wear. His expression softened when he found you. Your eyes ran over the long olive coat adorned with his medals. It looked _very_ good on him, not that he didn’t look great usually.

“Hi. This is new.” You placed an appreciative hand on his chest, returning his cheeky smirk with a smile of your own. His hand wrapped over your own, warmth spreading throughout your body.

Then, you heard familiar voices approaching from around the corner. You stepped away to place some distance between you.

“I’m gonna do it.” Historia’s voice said.

“Your funeral.” Someone, likely Jean, scoffed.

“I’m the Queen though!”

The voices silenced as they turned the corner to find the pair of you. Historia marched forwards with a determined look, gaining speed as she almost jogged towards Levi. Smiling, you stepped further aside to clear her path – you had a vague idea of what might happen. The girl’s pitifully small fist landed with a _thwack_ on his arm. You barely held in your laugh at the aghast faces behind her, frozen in horror. To all of their surprise, his stoic face melted into a soft smile, one usually reserved for you.

“Thank you, all of you. Great work.” His eyes scanned the group of cadets, filled with an almost paternal pride for their accomplishments.

There were literal gasps of surprise from the group. Historia pulled her hand back. Mumbling replies, they quickly retreated back around the corner.

“They’re going to find out how soft you really are if you keep that up.” You teased.

Expression still gentle, Levi turned to step closer to you. You placed your hands delicately on his hips. He leaned his head down to lightly bump his forehead on yours. _My softie._ If only they knew.

\---

After another long meeting about the expedition, Levi lingered behind in Erwin’s office. Throughout the preceding meeting he had gotten the sense Erwin intended to attend the next mission. A ridiculous idea in his current state, in Levi’s opinion. As expected, Erwin was obstinate in his determination.

“The plan is less likely to succeed without me there.”

“You’re right, without you we may fail. But if you croak while we’re out there, then humanity is really fucked.”

“I can’t just sit here while all of you are fighting, it wouldn’t be right.”

Erwin’s eyes fell to his joined hands. Levi’s eyes narrowed. He knew there was something else. Erwin was impossibly logical at all times. There was no chance he couldn’t see the irrationality of this situation.

“If you give me one more bullshit excuse, I’m breaking both of your legs. Then you really won’t be able to come.”

Erwin broke into a rueful smile. There was no fooling his sharp captain.

“…I have to be there when we learn the truths about this world. Levi. I have to go.”

There was something there that Levi couldn’t quite comprehend. While hesitant, he chose to trust Erwin, as he always did.

“I’ll… try to trust your decision.” Sighing, he stood up to leave the room.

\-----

Later that evening in his office, Levi watched Captain groom himself beside him on the couch. The sleek black kitty had taken a liking to him, and now frequented Levi’s office more than he did yours, to nap on his desk or lap. While he complained about it, Levi always left the door a little open these days.

He was sure you could tell something was bothering him. Your bright eyes remained on him as he sat on the couch with you, as much as he tried to focus on pouring the tea into the cups. The scent of apple and fig filled the room.

“What are you worrying about.” He asked you before you could ask him.

“You. What are you worrying about?”

Instead of answering, he pulled you to him by your hand. Wrapping his arms around you, he rubbed circles into your back. Of course he was worrying about you as well. He had a bad feeling, and it wasn’t like anything he had felt before – he wasn’t sure if it was his anxiety about facing the unknown, Erwin’s less-than-stellar state, or the ever-present possibility of losing you.

“I wish I could take away your worries.” You whispered.

The way you loved him; he couldn’t comprehend what he had done to earn it.

Bracing his hands against the couch, he hummed contently as he kissed down your neck to your collarbones. You took a sharp inhale, not quite a moan. His hands moved down with his kisses, from your neck, to your shoulders, and now, at your waist, one hand thumbing the sliver of skin between your shirt and pants as he continued to nuzzle at your neck.

“Levi.” You almost whined.

“Hm?” He leaned into your chest to look up into your eyes, feeling completely enraptured. _My love. My perfect angel._ _Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you._

“You will _not_ be touching me any more until I take a bath.” You said, shoving him off with surprising force as you slid off the couch.

Levi rolled over, chuckling at your determined stance on this matter. He propped his head up on his arm and watched you pull your shirt off at the door. The things he would be willing to give up to ensure you would be okay tomorrow. The only thing he could do now was to cherish every moment you had together. He took a moment to scratch Captain under the chin, then pushed his concerns out of his mind as he followed you into the bathroom.

\----

The next morning the Survey Corps left for the walls early. There was a tension in the air. The newer recruits that had recently joined were even more jittery, this being their first foray outside the walls. As the crane lifted your crew up the wall, a loud commotion made you look down. Your concern dissipated as you saw the smiling faces in the crowd – they were _cheering_ for the scouts. For the first time in recent memory, the Survey Corps were receiving a supportive send-off. You stood on the wall with your comrades, looking down at the cheering crowd with wonder. You smiled at the younger scouts who were enthusiastically screaming back.

In the ruckus Levi turned from the front, hands reaching out before he even got near you. No words were shared, just a firm arm around your neck and a lingering kiss to your forehead. You could feel his worries through the embrace, his wordless plea of asking you to survive well communicated. The scouts around you yelled even louder, one brave one even whistling. He completely ignored them, giving you an affectionate look before turning to take his place beside Erwin again.

You looked to the clear blue sky, surrounded by the cheers embodying the hope that humanity held for a freer future. 


	21. XXI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle of Shiganshina and the contents of the Jeager basement shakes the team to the core. What will happen next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Here I am back with chapter 20! Without spoilers, I just caught up with the manga and I have to say that I am SHOOK. I thought I would continue writing self-indulgent plots, saving whoever I wanted to... but I may have to reconsider the direction of the conclusion now that I have seen how the plot goes. OR I may decide to continue on my merry way of writing however I want to. To be honest the real world is bad, the canon world is bad, so I might as well put something positive out there, you know? 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting. You guys bring me more joy than you know.

The battle had been brutal.

The regiment had been decimated, the few survivors injured and scattered. Bertholdt had just succumbed thanks to Armin’s sacrifice. You watched as Eren bent over Armin – you could barely make out the shape of a human body in the charred remains. Just then, a quadruped titan flew over the wall, carrying a blond man on its back. Levi leapt over the wall in chase. Your legs almost gave out in relief as you recognized his form, battered but alive.

\----

Everything changed when Floch carried Erwin up to the roof. Levi would need to decide who to revive.

As Eren and Mikasa’s agonized cries rang in the air, Levi stood stone still. He looked up at you. You pulled Mikasa away, your eyes on Levi the whole time. Your heart broke at his empty gaze. You could see the terrible decision he had to make. Armin was hopeless. Erwin was only marginally better in terms of survival – this was beyond your hands, left at the hands of whatever deity that created this twisted world. Mikasa trembled in your arms, and you squeezed her close. You followed Hange’s lead to leave the rooftop. Mike picked up Eren and followed suit.

In the distance, you heard the tell-tale sound of a titan transforming.

\------

Levi shook with the decision in front of him. It should have been easy – clearly saving the Commander of the Survey Corps was the right choice. What was holding him back?

“Teacher!” Erwin’s hand shot up, seemingly speaking with his late father, then drifted back down.

Levi knew. He knew he couldn’t condemn him to that kind of life. To become a Titan? To be called a devil for the rest of his living days? The life this man had led, the things he had been forced to give up – Erwin had been burdened enough. He deserved peace. He leaned over to press his forehead onto his dear friend’s for a moment, hands clenching around his shoulders. He straightened up, striding towards Armin’s charred body. As Armin transformed, he carried his friend down to the ground.

\---

The group looked wide-eyed at the Commander in his arms. He strode past the group into an abandoned room, gingerly laying Erwin’s bloodied body onto the bed. He noticed you coming up behind him.

“I couldn’t… I couldn’t make him into…” He choked back the hot lump coming up in his throat.

“You don’t have to explain.” You held his hand tight, holding him grounded.

Outside you heard the voices of the group. Armin had turned back into his human form. Giving your hand a squeeze, Levi stepped out to assess the scene.

Your eyes scanned Erwin. He looked rough, pale and mottled. Instinctively your fingers reached for the pulse – it was still there, weak and thready, but still present.

“Gino.” You whispered, turning to make eye contact with the man who had joined you in the room. His eyes widened and he came over to assess Erwin himself.

You exited the room to find Hange. She would understand what you needed. You held her sleeve to get her attention and turned her from the rest of the group to whisper confidentially.

“I want to try something, but I don’t want to raise anyone’s hopes.”

You turned your gaze to the room with Erwin. She understood instantly.

“I’ll tell them… you’re sending him off properly.”

With that, she herded the group away from the building. She whispered something to Levi, who turned around to give you a grateful nod before joining the rest.

Back in the room you and Gino began to unpack your meager supplies. Medications. Flashlights. Somewhat sterile surgical equipment. What could you do for him? Evisceration, miraculously only minor damage to the intestines given the trauma. _Clean as much as I can, sew up the open parts, return to abdominal cavity. We’ll have to leave it open and graft when we get the chance._ Shredded right kidney. _Thank god he has two. Clamp and remove._ Contamination. _Pump him with antibiotics until we get back._ Hemorrhage. _Transfuse. With what?_ You glanced at your two dusty bags of saline, tears choking at your throat. What you wouldn’t give to be in the city hospital’s gleaming operating suites in this moment. You fought off the panic building inside of you as you looked at Erwin. He already appeared to have both feet in the grave, just hanging by a single finger off the ledge. What could you do? Could you do anything to stop your friend – _his_ best friend – from dying? As you spiralled, Gino’s firm voice brought you back.

“He can’t be the Commander to us right now. This is a patient. A patient we wouldn’t be surprised to have pass away after even if we do everything right. For us to do everything right, to even give him a chance, we have to be present.”

He was right. You focused on the shining pendant hanging around the Commander’s neck to center yourself. Taking a steadying breath, your expression fell into one of extreme concentration.

\----

The contents of the Jaeger basement were shocking, to say the least. Levi led the stunned group back to where you and Gino were keeping Erwin company. He pushed down the heavy loss that threatened to take over at the thought of the late Commander. He wasn’t sure how he was going to move on from this, but he didn’t want to think about it – at least not yet.

Gino stepped out of the building to greet the group. He spoke briefly with Hange, who whipped her head back to look at Levi. Sensing something was happening, Levi joined the pair.

“What.”

“Levi! I, uh, we – didn’t want to say anything in case… Well…” Hange’s uncharacteristic demeanor unsettled him. He couldn’t take any more surprises today, good or bad.

“We were able to operate on the Commander.” Gino calmly intervened.

Levi’s heart dropped. _What does that mean?_ In that split second a myriad of possibilities ran through his head. He stopped the images racing through his mind before he let himself hope.

“He’s still in bad shape, but he’s hanging on. We have to get moving for him to even have a small shot at making it through.”

Gino’s earnest eyes met Levi’s head on. Levi appreciated his honesty. He pushed the door open to find you kneeling by Erwin, wiping down his face with a wet towel. He noted the bloody, damp gauze covering his abdomen, and decided he wasn’t going to imagine what was under it. He strode over and placed his hand on your shoulder. You looked even smaller than usual.

“Levi.” You stood up to face him, scanning his face. “I don’t want to get your hopes up, but…”

“You’re in luck, I don’t have any hope left in me.” He said dryly.

He didn’t miss the way your eyes fell to the ground. He knew you wanted Erwin to live as much as he did. He didn’t want you to feel responsible for the outcome, no matter how things turned out. He reached out to hold your hand that was tightly fisted around the towel. He rubbed over your tense knuckles until you relaxed. _I know you tried your best._

You dropped the towel and leaned into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you before whispering in your ear.

“Let’s go home.”

\-----

Your return was anticlimactic, to say the least. Some of the handful of members left were taken to the inner walls to report before returning to headquarters. The news of the contents of the basement spread like wildfire, causing chaos in the walls.

You did not have the luxury of worrying about the rest of the world.

Erwin was hanging on by a thread in the 24 hours after your return. You and Gino worked around the clock to monitor him while Levi, Hange, and the remaining cadets reported to Historia and the military. They were due back tonight, and Gino had told you he had been by to see Erwin already. You hastened your steps towards his office.

As you neared his room the doors opened. You came face to face with an uncharacteristically disheveled Levi. His hair was in disarray, and there was a never-before-seen five o’clock shadow on his jaw. His normally tucked in shirt was wrinkled and undone. You wrinkled your brow in concern. His bloodshot eyes worried you. It seemed likely that he hadn’t slept since returning from the expedition.

“Levi. Did you get some rest?” You reached out to touch his face.

He caught your wrist and pulled you into the room, pushing you against the door as it closed shut.

“I need you.” His raspy voice at your throat voice raised goosebumps along your skin.

The dire need to confirm you were here and real was burning him up from the inside. Your name fell from his lips in a plea. Your arms pulled him down to your face.

“I’m here.”

His lips crashed into yours in a messy kiss, one arm wrapping around your waist to pull you in. His other arm caged you in his embrace. The force of his kiss pressed you to the door. You barely noticed him reach under your legs, holding you up between his body and the door. You wrapped your legs around him to pull him closer. You hadn’t realized it, but you needed him now as much as he needed you.

Distracted by the kiss, you didn’t notice him carrying you until you were placed on his desk. He pulled away from you to unbutton his shirt, as you hurried to do the same. His rough breaths fanned against your collarbone as he rid himself of his pants.

“In the drawer.”

You understood immediately and agilely reached over the desk’s surface to open his drawer. You came just short of the handle. At that moment you felt his body press you down on the desk as his hand stretched past yours to grasp the condom package. You instinctively arched your back, your backside pressing flush against his hard abdomen.

He kissed the back of your neck, working his way to your earlobe. Another breathy moan of your name was kissed into your throat. He climbed on top of the desk to position himself. You took a stuttering breath and tried to relax as he moved your underwear aside to enter you. After a moment, he set his stormy pace. Your fingers curled on the edge of the desk for support, moaning in rhythm with his harsh thrusts. He had never reamed into you like this before. His hands found their way to cover yours over the desk. Your mind was a haze, you couldn’t pull it together for long enough to ask him what was going on, to ask if he was okay. The only thing you could do was take the intense pleasure he was providing with each movement and accept his desperation in this moment. The conversation would have to be had afterwards.

Levi lost himself in you. The feverish longing to be close was still present despite your impossible proximity. Feeling your hot walls clench erratically around him, he repeatedly sunk to his root with each roll of his hips. You squirmed under him, little enticing whines leaving your throat mixed in with noises that somewhat sounded like his name. He wanted to see your face. He pulled out and stepped onto the floor. Slightly befuddled, you turned around to face him, sitting on the desk. He roughly pulled you close to him, placing a paradoxically soothing kiss on your temple. You gasped as he entered you again. His lips crashed into yours as his arms held you tightly against his moving body. His tongue pressed against yours, licking tingling stripes along your own. You were helpless in his hold.

Remaining connected, he picked you up off the desk and walked into the bedroom. He laid you gently on the bed, whispering your name on your lips. He littered kisses over the various bruises and cuts sustained from the expedition. His forehead came to a rest on yours, grey eyes taking your dazed features in as he began to move again. Your own pulse drowned out the sounds in the room. You were _here._

\-----

The room was silent save for your breaths. You laid entangled in each other’s arms, your palm stroking his shoulders soothingly. You knew he was suffering, but you didn’t know how to help.

“Please stay with me.” His quiet voice broke through the silence, also breaking your heart.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You felt him relax at your words.

“…Except maybe the bathroom to clean up?” His arms tightened around you silently.

“Okay, later it is.” You settled into his embrace, running your palm down his back over and over again.

Whatever he needed, you would give him. You pressed a tender kiss to his hair as his breathing slowed.

\---

The next morning, you managed to sneak your way out of bed before Levi woke up. He had been absolutely knocked out, not stirring even when you lifted his arm to roll out of his embrace. You hoped he would sleep for a few more hours at least.

Walking into the medical ward, you nodded at the night medic as you looked over Erwin’s chart. Vitals were stable. Medications had been administered as scheduled. You made your way into the curtains to examine him. You took a moment to place his chart on the bedside table and lifted your stethoscope from around your neck to place the buds in your ear. You heard a muffled voice say something. You removed the stethoscope from your ears and leaned outside the curtain to speak with the medic.

“Sorry, I missed that. What did you say?”

He looked back at you with a confused look. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Huh? But I thought…”

Then the sound repeated, now appreciable as a small mumble of your name – from behind you. You turned slowly, heart trembling in your chest, not daring to hope.

You saw blue.

His eyes were open. Looking straight at your flabbergasted face, they crinkled into a familiar smile. You didn’t dare say anything lest you disturb this hopeful hallucination you were having.

“Hi.” He croaked, voice barely perceptible.

You burst into tears.

\---

Levi woke up filled with regret for his actions last night. He had dumped his mess of emotions on you, and you didn’t deserve that. He thought about Erwin, how small he had looked in his hospital bed. When he came back from the meeting with the Queen and higher-ups, he had to face the possibility of losing Erwin. How he might die him before he fulfilled his promise to kill Zeke Jaeger. How he would have continue fighting this horrible war without Erwin by his side. How despite all this, he felt maddeningly grateful that you had survived – and the accompanying guilt for feeling this way.

Nevertheless, you had taken every ounce of his fear and desperation and embraced it in your warmth. He would have to apologize for the way he lost control earlier. Levi wanted to see you now, to apologize as well as to remind himself you were still here. He rinsed off in the shower then pulled on his slacks and t-shirt. He frowned at his own reflection. God, he needed to shave.

Just then, Levi’s doors rattled. After hearing the first few attempts to get in, he decided to go open it himself. He came to face you, incoherent with tears. His heart dropped.

“What happened.” His firm hands held your shoulders, wide eyes scanning your face as you tried to form a sentence.

“Erwin – he’s – ” Another wracking sob cut you off as you fluttered your hands frantically.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” _So he’s dead._ He pulled you into his arms, hiding his own anguish.

“ _No_ you idiot! No – _hic_ – he’s _awake!”_ He froze.

You pushed him away to take his hand instead, dragging him down to the wards, all the while still crying. Levi stumbled along behind you, the centre of his gravity held in your hands as he tried to compute the words that had been said to him.

You pulled him through the curtains and moved aside. His eyes focused on Erwin’s ragged face, his twinkling blue eyes the only obvious sign of life in his damaged body. Levi stood expressionless, mouth slightly open. Erwin took stuttered breaths as he struggled to move his lips.

“You…you…” It looked like every word gave him pain.

Levi held his breath.

“You… look like shit.” Erwin finished his sentence with a devilish grin on his haggard features.

“You goddamn bastard.”

Levi finally stepped close to the bed. He reached up to tap his hand against Erwin’s shoulder, before turning around to hide the tears that had begun to prick at his eyes.

A pair of small hands wrapped around his own. You were beaming up at him, tears all over your face. He held your hands tight. You had given him everything he had wanted, and everything he hadn’t even dared to hope for.

“I’m going to find everyone else!” You ran joyously out of the cubicle after giving Erwin an affectionate squeeze on his hand.

“She saved me.” Erwin rasped.

“Me, too.” Levi replied, pulling up a seat beside his dear friend.

He wouldn’t leave his bedside for many hours to come.

\----

BONUS:

Since the Regiment’s return, Hange had taken over the role of Commander, as according to Erwin’s wishes. You had received close to a hundred new recruits that the cadets – not that you could call them that anymore – had begun to train. Jean in particular showed an aptitude for leadership, quickly gaining the confidence of the new cadets. Hange had made him a Captain of his own squad. The rest of the crew had gone on recovering and training as well, developing new and more efficient ways to kill titans.

You and Gino focused on treating your most valued patient. It had taken months for Erwin to stabilize. He had come in and out of consciousness, especially in the earlier weeks, but in the end, he had recovered to a remarkable degree. He appeared changed somehow, a lighter air around him than previously. He had finally gotten clearance to use a walker with your supervision. He had tried to sneak more moving into his routine but had gotten caught by you every time. He was on his last chance before you had him tied to the bed. You remembered very clearly how sick he had been, how much of his abdominal wall had been missing. You were not going to take any chances with this man, miracle or not.

Levi heard Erwin rustling from bed. He grunted as he leaned on the walker, pulling himself to standing. He had a boy-like joy on his face as he shuffled his feet forwards.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Levi said, looking back down to his book with a nearly imperceptible smile on his face.

“I think I can. As long as you keep your mouth shut. Somehow all these new cadets are more afraid of her and keep telling on me. Ah! Look!” Erwin pushed himself off the walker, raising his arm above his head.

“Now I _really_ wouldn’t – ” Levi furrowed his eyebrows, putting his book down to stand behind the large man in case he fell over.

“I’m getting better every day Levi, I can’t believe it.”

Erwin’s smile faltered at Levi’s face, who was looking at the door behind him. Turning around, he found a familiar woman at the entrance, glaring with an impressive level of intimidation for someone literally half his size.

“Y/N!” Erwin stumbled backwards into Levi, who immediately helped him lower back into bed.

“Erwin Smith, I’ll kill you myself.” You stated as you marched towards the men.

“I’m in bed! I’m in bed! I’ll be good.” Erwin looked up from bed with pleading eyes.

“I told him not to do that.” A swift betrayal from behind you made Erwin narrow his eyes.

“So as soon as I’m not the Commander anymore, you change your alliance.”

You looked between the two men acting like kids caught breaking the rules, and broke into a smile. Erwin relaxed, knowing he was off the hook. The hard edge he had before was gone. You had to admit, you liked Erwin better this way.


End file.
